User:Matthlock/Old Man Pfife

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Cnorris WARNING:This user knows Chuck Norris and therefore must be either Mr. T, Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde or dead. Proceed with caution!!!
Straight This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% straight

Scott Pfeifer is the oldest man I know and is probably the oldest man anybody knows. Even so he’s had the luck to look he’s in his early ‘40s for most his life. These are some of the facts I gathered about Scott over the years. Create an account and feel free to tell me something about Scott that I don’t know.

edit Did you know that........?

  • Scott cooked Jesus’ last supper.
  • Scott was once a gardener. His proudest work was the cherry tree that George Washington would later chop down.
  • Scott went to Mexico City back when it was called Tenochtitlan.
  • Scott played an active role in the Spanish Inquisition… and Mel Brooks wasn’t there.
  • For his 16th birthday, Scott got a chariot.
  • Scott’s first car was the first car.
  • Scott’s midlife crisis was when the dinosaurs went extinct.
  • Scott saw the Passion of the Christ… LIVE
  • Nobody knows Scott’s age because the calendar wasn’t invented when he was born.
  • Scott was an OG (Original Gangster), just like AL CAPONE.
  • Scott knew Burger King™ when he was a prince.
  • Scott co-wrote all of William Shakespeare’s plays.
  • God created the Earth in six days, because Scott couldn’t wait to use his dirt bike.
  • The Battle of Sparta was originally 301, but Scott had to leave the army due to his old age.
  • Scott met Tupac… Amaru, the last Incan Emperor.
  • The happiest day of Scott’s life was the day he invented the wheel.
  • Scott’s never done his taxes because he knows that taxing is unconstitutional, because he was there when James Madison wrote the Bill of Rights.
  • Scott was once a model. You can see many of his famous poses drawn on the walls of caves.
  • Scott’s so old that calling him “old” would actually be a compliment.
  • Scott can speak fluently in English, Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian, Romanian, Russian, German, Hebrew, Arabic, Farsi, Sanskrit and Korean, because he invented all those languages.
  • Scott cheated Death, because Death was afraid of his old age.
  • Scott is part of an exclusive club called the Billion Club. This isn’t the club that billionaires are in, but it’s a club for people who are at least a billion years old.
  • Scott was the real high school senior.
  • There are those people who are always a few decades behind the time. Scott is a few centuries behind the time.
  • Never ask Scott to “act his age”.
  • The people in Scott’s age bracket are called “Olde”.
  • Scott’s so old he calls English people Normans.
  • Scott calls Iraqi people Mesopotamians
  • Scott calls Iranians Persians.
  • Scott calls Moldovans Bessarabians
  • Scott’s first wife called him “Hun” because he was one
  • Scott once wrote an episode of the Flintstones. It was funny because it was true.
  • Scott was the one who launched the career of Larry King, back in 1095 A.D.
  • Scott thinks that Germany is still ruled by Charlemagne
  • Scott’s so old he makes Methuselah feel like a baby
  • When Neil Young wrote "Old Man" he was talking about Scott

edit See also

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about User:Matthlock/Old Man Pfife.
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