User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

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Today's Featured Article - HowTo:Drive your car out of a lake

ScubaCar01

Parking your car in a lake is easy. Maybe you’ve left your car in neutral on a steep embankment next to a lake and gravity did the parking for you. You may have mistaken the lake for a rippling parking lot filled with cresting wave-like shopping carts. Or you parked your car in a ditch at the start of monsoon season and the lake sprang up around it. Regardless, the easy part is over. Now you face the more difficult challenge – getting the car back out of the lake. You could hire a tow truck to drive in after it, but that is a costly business. Similarly, a crane could be employed to retrieve your vehicle, provided it has ample bill length and unnatural avian strength. Or you could just drive your car out of the lake. Really, it’s the only rational choice.

To find your car, swim directly into the lake. If the car is floating it will be easy to spot, although some turtles may be mistaken for a floating car. If you find a turtle -- keep searching, as this is not your car but a reptilian imposter. If the car is sunken, the process for locating it is trickier. Sunken cars require scuba gear, a metal detector and, if the lake is dark, a strong flashlight. Now plumb the lake’s depths to locate your missing vehicle. If the metal detector or flashlight stop working, check the batteries.

Once you’ve found your car, you must get inside. If the car is floating, the act of getting inside may cause it to sink. This is a good thing, as you need the car to be at the bottom of the lake in order to drive it. (more...)

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Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Rembrandt, featured on 12 February 2015. See the featured version.
Cheka, featured on 12 February 2014. See the featured version.
Desperate Dates, featured on 12 February 2013. See the featured version.
Frog Semen, featured on 12 February 2012. See the featured version.
A Study of Existentialism within Speed 2: Cruise Control, featured on 12 February 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
  • ...that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ...that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
  • ...that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ...that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
  • ...that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ...that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?

In the news

On this day...

February 12: International write in Graeco-Latin day (Graeco-Rome)
  • 3+3=3: Rutty, toot, toot, toot'n Graneco-Labrador fiesta!
  • 444: Yo' momma.
  • 555: Stan's stanies, the Stannites, instan Stan.
  • 666: Satan's satanies, the Satannites, insatan Satan.
  • 777: Santa's santaies, the Santaites, insanta Santa.
  • 888: With No one left, the Barbarians invade Rome for the sake of it.
  • 999: To commemerate this loss, Graceo-Roman Day is celebrated. We just wanted to tell you the history first.
  • 1809: The holy profit of Evolutionism, Charles Darwin is born.
  • 101010: Ouidis cognis qui, ma Helle-Romanis di est non iubil.
  • 111111: Id qua.
  • 121212: Extra insanis numers plus ad datus.
  • 131313: Lorem Ipsum, dolar sit amet...
  • 1337-1337: L0rem 1p5um, d01ar 5i1 am31000
  • 141414: Igpay Atinlay inay useay.
  • 151515: Pigay Greekay niay seiay.
  • 161616: Gpiay Reekgay-Manroay inay eusay.
  • 181818: Ganroay peekhay roy.

Today's featured picture

RacismProtest

BNP rally.

Image Credit: Digi
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Recent Articles

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Marco Rubio (pictured) | Slovakia | Nudibranch | Hera | George Mason U. | HowTo:Survive a terrorist attack | Pornography (rw) | Mesopotamia (rw) | Kilogram | Missing socks | The Communist Manifesto | Community | Teen Titans Go! | State of the Union address (rw) | Catching Fire | National Fascist Party (from Inciclopedia) | Chris Christie | HowTo:Dine at a fancy restaurant | Eragon | Swearing (rw) | Miranda warning | Sam Harris | Northumberland | Edmund Hillary | Theater pest | Mad Max: Fury Road | Carly Fiorina | Normal distribution | Slavs | Tax (rw)


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales:
Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.”
~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007

Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready:
Franklinstein-signing-detail

And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
My Latest Articles
Benjamin Franklinstein PEE VFH
Jolt Cola PEE -
Complete Bibliography
8/3/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007 Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007 UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007 Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007 Norelcopee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007 The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007 Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007 Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007 National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007 UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007 Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007 Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007 Jolt Cola
1/16/2007 UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006 Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006 Deep Note
3/4/2006 Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006 I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005 Celine Dionide
11/20/2005 Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005 UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
Articles Images WTF?
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