User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

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Today's Featured Article - Solar flares

800px-Magnificent CME Erupts on the Sun - August 31

Solar flares are inexplicable fiery eruptions that occur on the surface of the Sun and make for some pretty cool desktop wallpapers. A single solar flare can release up to 6 × 1025 joules of heat into the vast vacuum of space, enough energy to power the city of Baltimore for far too long. The phenomenon is one of the leading wasters of energy in the universe, second only to people who forget to turn off the lights when they leave a room. Currently, nobody knows for certain how or why solar flares occur, although several theories have been developed by the American Astronomical Society and the very vocal scientific experts that comment on Yahoo! News articles.

One of the most widely accepted explanations for the phenomenon is that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans, which would explain their name. After the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated while reentering the Earth's atmosphere, neither the crew nor their flare guns were recovered, leading some to believe that the ship's crew escaped on a life boat to the Sun and now sets off flares periodically in hopes of signaling NASA scientists. Some have gone as far as to say that other forms of extraterrestrial life have also become stranded on the Sun's surface after crashing their flying saucers, but those people are just crazy.(more...)

Recently featured: Solar flares - Stairs

Yesterday's Featured Article - Stairs

Heaven stairs

Stairs is the term given to more than one stair arranged diagonally to allow ease of movement between a lower floor and an upper floor, which comes in especially handy during commercial breaks when the toilet is on a different floor to the television viewing room. During the Dark Ages many viewers missed the recap of what happened before the last break due to the inefficiency of rope-ladders and fireman poles, particularly for those afflicted with aching joints and leprosy. Stairs were invented to address this problem as well as providing an effective defense against Dalek invasions. The invention of stairs also had other unforeseen benefits such as providing a safe and local government body-approved way to exit a building if the elevator fails during a fire.

Stairs are useful as a navigation aid for traversing a multi-level building or dungeon, even where no such stairs exist. The term upstairs can mean any floor above another floor, even if that floor is downstairs from another floor above it. This upstairs-downstairs duality has often resulted in confusion for many building dwellers who can’t decide which floor they need to be on when exiting an elevator. Many reports of missing people have been resolved when they were found wandering aimlessly caught in the limbo between upstairs and downstairs.

Stairs should not be confused with steps, which are completely different except in cases where they can conveniently mean the same thing when it suits this article. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Muffin the Mule, featured on 23 November 2012. See the featured version.
Fox News, featured on 23 November 2011. See the featured version.
Suddenly, 'coons, featured on 23 November 2010. See the featured version.
Alec Baldwin, featured on 23 November 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

In the news

On this day...

Golf trophy

The sweet taste of victory.

November 23: Official Lucky Glass Golf Trophy Meets Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf Day

  • 323 BC - Creation of GOLF (Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden).
  • 265 BC - Golf drops the acronym and lets anyone play.
  • 108 BC - Creation of golf trophy.
  • 14 BC - First golf trophy race.
  • 0 - Creation of glass.
  • 45 - Creation of glass golf trophy.
  • 924 - Creation of luckiness.
  • 1337 - Creation of 'Lucky Glass Golf Trophy'.
  • 1502 - Creation of blonde girl.
  • 1503 - Creation of first blonde joke.
  • 1792 - Creation of blonde girl who plays golf.
  • 1824 - Creation of 'Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf'.
  • 1825-2664 - Every year on this day, Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf wins at golf and wins Lucky Glass Golf Trophy.
  • 2665 - Abolition of glass, luckiness and blonde girls.

Today's featured picture

Hand grenade

The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.

Image Credit: Mosquitopsu
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Nirvana | Gensokyo | Sonichu | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw) | Samsung | Meco Monardo | Independent film | Jeb Bush (rw) | William F. Buckley | Sens. Warren/Ayotte/Brown/McConnell | Greggs (rw) | Space Shuttle Challenger (rw) | Solar flares | Maurice Ravel | Dudley | Availability | UnDebate:Should women rap? | Banh Shop | Worst bumper stickers | Firesheep | Lava lamp | Ebola | Brick (rw) | Chess


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales:
Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.”
~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007

Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready:
Franklinstein-signing-detail

And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
My Latest Articles
Benjamin Franklinstein PEE VFH
Jolt Cola PEE -
Complete Bibliography
8/3/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007 Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007 UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007 Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007 Norelcopee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007 The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007 Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007 Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007 National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007 UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007 Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007 Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007 Jolt Cola
1/16/2007 UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006 Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006 Deep Note
3/4/2006 Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006 I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005 Celine Dionide
11/20/2005 Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005 UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
Articles Images WTF?
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