User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

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Today's Featured Article - Nouvelle cuisine

Ncdiner

Nouvelle cuisine is the ideal answer when a restaurant becomes too popular. In these cases, the chef is worked off his or her feet trying to keep all those tables supplied with appetising, nutritious food. Increasing the prices may offer a temporary relief from the overpopularity of the eating-place, or it may instead create an atmosphere of quality and exclusiveness, thereby increasing customers further still. Switching from food to Nouvelle Cuisine helpfully reduces the number of customers to manageable proportions, without resorting to such unpopular or illegal measures as salmonella or e-coli.

No one single characteristic describes Nouvelle Cuisine. Rather, a combination of known attributes, when seen together, determine the style to exist.

  • Oversize plate: Nouvelle Cuisine dishes are invariably served on a plate at least three times the diameter required to hold the meal itself. Sometimes, the plate is so large that places must be double-spaced. The very large size of plate allows adequate free space, unencumbered with food, for the chef to demonstrate his or her artistic talent. It is also important that the plate is cold, preferably having been deep-frozen until a few minutes before serving. This coldness ensures that the customer has to eat-up quickly, thus freeing the table sooner.
  • Dusty eating surfaces: The plate, and any other surfaces carrying food shall be sufficiently dusty to create the impression of a possible hygiene concern. If plates do not remain unused long enough for natural dust to build up, then this may be substituted with flour, or in fact with any powdery material typically found in a kitchen. (more...)
Recently featured: Nouvelle cuisine - Ad hominem

Yesterday's Featured Article - Ad hominem

Adhominemabusive

Ad hominem (derived from Latin; or Ad-ay ominem-Hay in Pig Latin) is an effective technique used to disprove the argument of a stupid person whose ill-conceived ideas are probably reminiscent of a troubled childhood. The opponent is attacked personally rather than responded to based on their daft ideals and even dafter hairstyle. In most cases the point that is attacked is irrelevant and has no reasoning behind it. Those who use ad hominem points to counter ad hominem points are just as silly and are only leading themselves down a route of more sin.

An example of an ad hominem argument is the debate surrounding gays. The gay sinners, who thanks to their high pitched voice can barely be detected by normal human ears, when presenting their argument put forward the point that people who hate gays only hate gays because they're white and vote for the BNP. The gays who mentioned this point all went to states school and learnt geography so are, unfortunately, completely incapable of understanding how stupid their point was.

Abusive ad hominem arguments involve a petty use of verbal or physical violence against the opponent because the opponent is mentally ill and only has one arm and so can't hold up a substantive argument. Verbal abuse can involve comedic lampoons of the opposition with statements such as "You smell", "You're a loser" and "Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker the Honourable Gentleman owns less than me. Pray shut him up my good man." (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Hmor, featured on 22 October 2012. See the featured version.
Louisiana Purchase, featured on 22 October 2011. See the featured version.
Lord Christopher Monckton, featured on 22 October 2010. See the featured version.
Archery, featured on 22 October 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*

In the news

On this day...

CAPSLOCK

October 22: Int-t-ternational S-s-stuttering Awareness Day and iNTERNATIONAL cAPS lOCK dAY

  • Beginning Of Time Mrs. Harris (the best Descendant of Chinggis Khan) was born on this epic day!!!!
  • 4004 BC GOD CREATES THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH AT EXACTLY 6:00 PM (ACCORDING TO BISHOP USSHER)
  • 1780 - KING GEORGE VII DECLARES WAR ON TERRRRRRRROR.
  • 1850 - FIR FIR FIR FISST CELEBRATION OF NATIONAL ZOMBIE DAY. "BRAIIIINS" IS FAST BECOMING A PO PO POPULAR CATCHPH PH PHRASE.
  • 1889 - AMERICAN TYPEWRITER'S UNION CHANGES NAME TO AMERICAN FEDERATION OF DICTATION TAKERS
  • 1920 NEW YORK TIMES INTRODUCES ITS FAMOUS "NEWS ZIPPER"; WALL STREET JOURNAL CAUGHT WITH ITS PANTS DOWN
  • 1941 - WAR BREAKS OUT BETWEEN ALLIED STANDARD TYPEWRITER KEY BOARD LOVERS AND AXIS OF DVORAK USERS; PUNCTUATION SUFFERERS AROUND THE WORLD CAUGHT IN MIDDLE
  • 1962 - JFK PREVENTS SOVIETS FR FROM ARMING CUBA BY BLOCKING OFF THE ISLAND WITH HIS BOD BODY.
  • 1968 - LED ZEP-EP-EP-EPLIN RELEASES HIS CLASSIC ALBUM "LED ZEPPPPLIN IIIII", FEATURING HIS HIT SINGLE "WHOLE LOTTTTA LLLLLOVE"
  • 1977 - THE UNCLAI
  • 1984 - STRANGEEE BOOK COM COM COMEES OUT WITH TIT TITT TITTLE OF YEARRR
  • 2003 - MILLIONS OF N00BS WORLDWIDE DISCOVER THE CAPS LOCK KEY AND DECIDE TO ALWAYS TYPE LIKE THIS...
  • 2005 - W W W W W W W WOR WOR WORLD REC RE REC RECORD STUT ST STUTTER WI W W WIN WINS P P P P P P P P P PRI PRIZE
  • 2006 - CAPS LOCK DAY IS ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL CAPS LOCK GETS STUCK AND EVERYONE IS THOUGHT TO BE YELLING.
  • 2666 - I HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAVE TH-TH-TH-TH-THE WOR-WOR-WOR-WOR-WOR-WOR-WORST ST-ST-ST-ST-ST-ST FUCK THIS IM OFF TO A HOUSE PARTY.

Today's featured picture

ChickenboxDeepFryer

And they said it couldn't be done.

Image Credit: Tom mayfair
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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales:
Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.”
~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007

Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready:
Franklinstein-signing-detail

And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
My Latest Articles
Benjamin Franklinstein PEE VFH
Jolt Cola PEE -
Complete Bibliography
8/3/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007 Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007 UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007 Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007 Norelcopee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007 The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007 Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007 Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007 National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007 UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007 Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007 Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007 Jolt Cola
1/16/2007 UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006 Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006 Deep Note
3/4/2006 Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006 I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005 Celine Dionide
11/20/2005 Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005 UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
Articles Images WTF?
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