User:Martinultima

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Latest revision as of 23:15, April 26, 2011


Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

Main Page

Today's Featured Article - NBC

NBC 2014

NBC is an American television corporation. During television's "golden age," NBC was a big member of the "Big Three," which tirelessly presented the same content as its two rivals.

In the modern era, NBC has split into dozens of niche channels and projects, which swim in every American's video bloodstream like an antibody looking for an infectious idea to latch onto and destroy.

NBC was begun by the Radio Corporation of America (RCA), eventually to stand proudly alongside CBS and ABC. This was the reassuring 20th Century, in which everything big had a three-letter abbreviation. There was no torture of terrorists but merely DOD, and RET to the ROK, and welfare was simply HUD and HEW, and even spoke English without an African American accent, LOL. It was a nation where Grandpa still had decades left before discovering that permanent foreign involvement and the welfare state didn't work — and even after he did, he would keep getting checks in the mail from the SSA.

RCA had acquired two radio stations, WJZ in Newark and WEAF in New York City. RCA was perturbed that WEAF had more than three letters, and no less perturbed that no one could listen to both stations at the same time (as people had at most one radio).

At the time, no one wanted to listen to even one radio station, and they did so only because the only alternative was going outdoors and listening to sirens and gunshots. The scientists of the day were experimenting with using radio to send pictures as well as sounds, and RCA management was experimenting with running two businesses without two staffs. "We are starting a network" became a more pleasing posture than, "We are firing all the employees and keeping their pay."(more...)

Recently featured: NBC

Yesterday's Featured Article - Raphael

Raphael-3

Raphael (1483-1520), he of the sickly smiling Madonna and Child paintings, the School of Athens fresco at the Vatican and the Galatea slap-on work, hasn't aged so well as regards his artistic reputation. No one cites him as an influence except the purveyors of the chocolate box school of artists whose work can often be found staring down at you from Catholic Church cathedrals. Raphael lived well and died in his late 30s, just before he would have lost his hair and developed a paunch.

Raphael became exceedingly filthy rich, successful and the toast of Renaissance Rome. He must have been insufferable to all those who crossed his path: Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo could rare agree on anything but both hated the 'boy' with intense passion, especially Michelangelo who was rumoured to have been turned down for a bit of man-on-man action with the young pretender when they both worked on the Sistine Chapel. He could have become a saint except in the manner of his death - a heart attack after some rigorous in-studio rogering of his favourite mistress Margherita Luti.

Born Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino, 'Raphe' grew up with angelic kiss-me-quick hair curls and a smile that got him a lot of work - and clients amongst the cassock lifters in the Roman Catholic Church. These were the days before Martin Luther's banging rude jokes on church doors and at time when the Papacy was in a full, florid corruption that so angered the sober sided Christians that they would later smash up churches in the manner of Gaiseric the Vandal a thousand years earlier.

Blessed with Italian pretty boy genes and a smeary palette, Raphael soon showed he knew how to get work. This essentially meant from two sources: The Catholic Church or rich italians who wanted to boast of their achievements and attractions with portraits. Others wanted suitable cultural pagan myths illustrated for bedroom stimulation. In reply, Raphael just gave them a lot of Madonnas with Jesus sitting pretty on her lap. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured A Day With My Son, featured on 1 April 2011. See the featured version.
Gay Pubs, featured on 1 April 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?

In the news

On this day...

April 1: April Fools' Day
  • 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
  • 1930 - April begins her life outside the limelight when her sister Judith is born.
  • 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother, the well-known Rose Fools, bake cookies.
  • 1942 - April suffers her first true heartbreak when her sister Judith makes the cheerleading squad over her, gets the lead in the school play, and steals her boyfriend Johnny on the same day.
  • 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee.
  • 1947 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin.
  • 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen.
  • 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather.
  • 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy.
  • 1964 - Albert's job as a box factory floor supervisor requires the Cranstons to relocate to Fargo, North Dakota.
  • 1970 - April enjoys what she would later describe as 'the rush of a lifetime' when appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies.
  • 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston.
  • 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Her birthday is declared a national holiday.

Today's featured picture

ThatsNoMoonThatsWikipedia

Gosh, Wikipedia is starting to get a little too big...

Image Credit: DaMenace
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Magazine | Turtle | Pyramid scheme | Joseph Kony | Metroid (species) | Project Gemini | Liberal Party of Australia (rw) | Hand of God | Speed Racer (rw) | Temporal paradox (rw) | UnBooks:Suffer the Little Children | She Blinded Me with Science | New meat from the writing competition: Supply-side Jesus | NBC | ENIAC | Raphael | Horace | Renewable energy | One Thousand and One Nights | Rembrandt | Relationships (images) | Hydrocarbon | Supply-side Jesus | Randy Travis | Wind (rw) | Charlie Hebdo | Christchurch (Dorset) | Invasive species (rw) | Horace Greeley | The Jackson 5


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales:
Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.”
~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007

Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready:
Franklinstein-signing-detail

And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
My Latest Articles
Benjamin Franklinstein PEE VFH
Jolt Cola PEE -
Complete Bibliography
8/3/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007 Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007 UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007 Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007 Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007 Norelcopee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007 The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007 Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007 Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007 National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007 UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007 Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007 Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007 Jolt Cola
1/16/2007 UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006 Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006 Deep Note
3/4/2006 Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006 I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005 Celine Dionide
11/20/2005 Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005 UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
Articles Images WTF?
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