User:Marblefluss/Camp Fuck You Die
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|This appears to be vanity.|
"1,000,000 COMMENTS BY THE NEW YEAR OR BUST."
edit Letter from the Camp Staff
Dear Camper, Welcome to Camp Fuck You Die, a privately-owned zombie-producing institute hell-bent on torturing young, suspicious adults. Be warned: magic, guns, or ingenuity will not aid in your escape, and will most likely only result in undead creatures swarming you en masse. How we orchestrated your attendance is unimportant; believe and relate what you will. Please note that we will continue to confine you here until the culprit behind the Camp Director's beloved fiance's death either steps forward or is "discovered." Until then, you will be able to enjoy your stay in the following ways: * Play "Avoid the Undead." A very popular pastime here which will undoubtedly become a favourite of yours as well. * Swim with the crocodiles in the lake. Please note that you must wear both life jackets and raw meat at all times. * Mingle with other campers as you fortify your tiny cabin (six to a room) against midnight zombie attacks. You'll make lasting alliances and fickle friendships alike. * Learn how to hunt, fish, and properly fire a shotgun into zombie eye-sockets, the only known way of killing them. * Amuse both yourselves and the staff in the Arts and Crafts Hut by crocheting, weaving, and attempting to plot out an escape (in vain). * Be both wary and grateful of the unlimited (porn-less) Internet access we provide. * Enjoy the wonderful tranquility that comes with being probed with strange objects by undead minions.
Please remember that the sooner the murderer confesses, the sooner you all can leave this Hell. As such, you are encouraged to relentlessly harass your peers. Keep them awake at night. Feed them mud. Dress them as homosexual rabbits. Above all, pursue the killer. Hoping that you have a wonderful summer, The Staff
edit Camp Locations
edit Alex's Tree
Currently holds a hammock and an asshole. There is also drugged Ashmilk in a hole in the trunk.
edit Arts and Crafts Hut
Come to the arts and crafts hut to paper maché or accuse others of being the killer. Currently has a (sanitary?) pool around back. Also feel free to stay here if you have yet to be assigned a cabin.
When in the bathrooms, please ignore the blood stains in the shower.
The cabins are separated by gender, despite the fact that the only part gender actually plays in CFUD is helping campers find mates of the same sex.
edit Boys' Cabin #1
"We have Scrabble and sexual tension."
edit Boys' Cabin #2
"Where the cannon is in Gil's pants." "HQ of the Neat Freaks 'R' Us"
edit Boys' Cabin #3
Every night the unfortunate youngsters of this cabin are taken to Keanu Reeve's Lair of Sodomy. Don't ask.
edit Boys' Cabin #4
The official cabin of masturbators (aka the Cabin of the Wanky Stanky). However, if they are caught wacking their sacks outside of their cabin, they will be punished by number of how many times they've done it:
- One wank: Warning
- Two wanks: Sent to counselor's office
- Red wanks: The goats sent in. Again, don't ask.
- Blue wanks: Ur dik asplode
- Three wanks: Commence burning at the stake
- Four wanks: Forced to work for Encyclop*dia Dramatica
- Five wanks: Pom Pom sodomizes you. With a toothbrush. A toothbrush with a razor hidden in it.
- Six wanks: MO-MO-MO-MONSTER WANK!!!
edit Boys' Cabin #5
"Residents include Ari, Al, Envy and if that's not enough, Jay's the counselor in charge of it, so it probably perpetually smells like pot. "
edit Boys' Cabin #6
"Even Crazy, We're Still Stronger than Sasuke."
edit Boys' Cabin #7
"Protect Your Ass. We Mean It." "And please don't drop the soap!"
edit Boys' Cabin #8
The cabin where all the
juicy, tender, meaty Latino and black kids live. The counselor is Jeffrey Dahmer, and I hear he's cooking up something VERY *special* tonight!
edit Boys' Cabin #9
"Eventually something in here's gonna explode. It's up to the imagination as to what exactly that 'something' is."
edit Boys' Cabin #10
This cabin has no name. But Yzak lives in it and wants everyone to get the fuck out so he can turn it into a shag-pad. Dearka seconds this and wouldn't mind if Nishi had an 'accident'. Yzak would like to ask what makes Dearka think he wasn't included in the getting the fuck out part <3? Dearka would like to remind Yzak that it takes two to shag. <3. Yzak would like to point out they cannot shag, therefore until they are allowed to, his hand is better than Dearka until he is proven otherwise. <333 Dearka would like to state that he's already proven it
in AU. :> Yzak would like to add that he's topped as much if not more IC.
edit Boys' Cabin #11
edit Boys' Cabin #12
Communist ninja cabin vandalism!
edit Boys' Cabin #13
Newly expanded, Boys' Cabin 13 just looks like it holds half the camp and all of the Sohmas.
...well, the Sohma part is true.
edit Boys' Cabin #14
Counter-Strike players hate this cabin, as well as all the campers here in general...
“U fukin n00b ass camperz!!!”
edit Boys' Cabin #15
"Shit, man, who turned up the gay in here?"
edit Boys' Cabin #16
edit Boys' Cabin #17
Partners. Yeah. Just kiss him already, Kazahaya.
edit Boys' Cabin #18
Bloodbath waiting to happen.
edit Boys' Cabin #19
Homechat's cabin, these are those who can survive.
edit Girls' Cabin #1
(This cabin once seceded from the camp to become the Autonomous Collective of Girls' Cabin #1, until the Council broke up, at which point they rejoined the camp.)
edit Girls' Cabin #2
Formerly known as "Utena's Personal Heaven," no one seems to live there today. (I wonder why.)
edit Girls' Cabin #3
Also known as "Rex," Girls' Cabin 3 was a faithful and loving home/pet until it died due to negligence, and possibly also due to the fact that Excel was living there at the time.
edit Girls' Cabin #4
"Chou Dai Ultra Supaa GENKI!" Girls' cabin 4 is filled past capacity, despite the fact that cabin 2 is empty. After all, they are making low-budget lesbian pornos there.
Everyone loves this cabin.
edit Girls' Cabin #12
Sprouted quite randomly beneath Miriallia. With a bad touch.
edit The Alchemy Hut
All your underaged FMA in one convenient location, so the zeppelin knows just where to drop.
edit The ACROSS House of Love
Il Palazzo and his subordinates live in their white-picket-and-barbwire-fenced-off property, where they plot world domination and have wild AU sex parties. The ACROSS complex has been destroyed more often than Toyko during Godzilla mating season.
edit Dante's Office
Where most the videogame counselors live, i.e. Dante, Snake, and Leon. If you find a box of pizza in this building, please contact Snake before eating it, because it might be over three weeks old. Thanks, Dante.
edit The Wu Defense Base
Masterminded by Lu Meng and built almost singlehandedly by Kon, the Wu defense base serves as a buffer between the camp at large and the various wildlife. In addition, the Wu officers sleep there, as well as their friends, and the base is open for anyone who lacks a cabin.
edit Camp Store
At the camp store, you can buy candy, souvenirs, or slaves if the Camp Director thinks you're making progress in the murder case. We're currently trying to bring in laxatives, so please be patient.
A circus tent was recently placed on top of the Mess Hall by Pallapalla. Performances are held regularly and cost $25. There is a 50% chance during any given performance of being attacked and having your Dream Mirror fed to the monster of the day.
The lake also has many crocodiles, one of whom can talk and type.
"Hey, I can walk, too. You forgot about that." --Talking, Walking, Typing Crocodile
Yes, thank you. All of whom can walk.
edit Mess Hall
The Mess Hall is a vital part of Camp Fuck You Die. While the food is radioactive, inedible, and sometimes sentient, the Mess Hall remains an important gathering place for campers to flirt, fight zombies, and plot each other's humiliation. You can also find Carlos there, when he's not behind the 7-11 (or dead). Three meals a day are served here. Never, ever eat Tuesday's Mystery Soup.
The toolshed contains tools, shockingly enough, though they are violent and prone to attacking any campers who attempt to use them. Except for Rosalyn, because apparently she used to live there.
edit The Shouta Squad
- Ash Ketchum (Shouta Red)
- Alphonse Elric (Shouta Blue)
- Anakin Skywalker (Shouta Sand)
- Ari (Shouta Green)
- Asuna Kagurazaka (Shouta Pumpernickel)
- Azuma Kazuma (Shouta Wonderbread)
- Buffy Summers (Shouta Black)
- Chisame (Shouta HotPocket)
- Dearka (Shouta
- Erk (Shouta Cauliflower)
- Hanatarou Yamada (Shouta Sock)
- Harry Potter (Shouta Butt-Kicking-of-Evil-People, until something shorter is found)
- Ino Yamanaka (Shouta Kalamari)
- Uryuu Ishida (Shouta
Cock DuckCo... Cuck)
- Itachi Uchiha (Shouta CrabApple)
- Fletcher Tringham (Shouta Sunflower)
- Kisa Sohma (Shouta Shepherd)
- Lemina (Shouta Platinum)
- Naruto Uzumaki (Shouta Clear)
- Neji Hyuuga (Shouta Pooh)
- Nokoru Imonoyama (Shouta Maroon)
- Ocelot (Shouta Payne)
- Renji Yanagi (Shouta Kitchen)
- Robert Haydn (Shouta Shamu)
- Rock Lee (Shouta Tartan)
- Russel Tringham (Shouta Plaid)
- Sakura Haruno (Shouta Pink)
- Soushi Minashiro (Shouta Beige)
- Sousuke Sagara (Shouta White)
- Taro Kagami (Shouta Goldenrod)
- Toboe (Shouta Girl)
- Tot (Shouta Tomato)
- Wolfram von Bielefeld (Shouta Buttercup)
- Wolfram's Fist (Shouta Fist)
- Yuusuke Urameshi (Shouta Gold)
- Yzak Jule (Shouta Bananafruit)
Other somewhat-associated members include:
- Yozak and Excel (Honorary Awesome Shouta Leaders)
- Honorary Audience Members (Shouta Calligraphy, Shouta Marshmallow, Shouta Now and Later)
edit The A Team
The A Team is a sub-group of the shouta squad made up of three of the original members: Ash Ketchum, Ari Ruka, and Alphonse Elric. They often get into zany hijinks that may or may not leave them injured. Or younger/older. Or small fuzzy animals. Their archnemesis is the group known as PETA, who once kidnapped Alphonse and held him for a ransom of Krispy Kreme donuts and human-type Nazi Pokémon.
edit Shounen Retards
Shounen retards are boys who, when frustrated for any reason, use violence to express their feelings. They often have a sense of honor, and when provoked, are capable of swearing like pirates. They may become flustered or confused when exposed to emotions they cannot cope with via punching. Most, despite their tough exterior, posess a creme filling. Shounen retards who have attended or currently attend camp are:
- Edward Elric
- Kurosaki Ichigo
- Nagi Souichiro
- Saotome Ranma
- Urameshi Yuusuke
- Uzumaki Naruto
- Excel (even though technically female)
- Kagurazaka Asuna (see Excel)
- Urameshi Atsuko (birthed Yuusuke. 'NUFF SAID.)
- Buffy Summers (is Yuusuke's AU twin)
- Yzak Jule (hey, he beats lockers)
- Gan Ning (Swears like a pirate? Check. Violence? Check. Creme filling? Check.)
- Lady (What she lacks in shounen, she makes up for in... yaaaaaah...)
- Ueki Kousuke
- Son Goku
(not abusive. honest)
- Fuuma Yousuke
- Kanda Yuu
edit Fag Hags
The sad women who suffer for being
in denial straight in a camp full of ghey:
- Sakura Haruno
- Chisame Hasegawa
- Lunamaria Hawke
- Huang Yue Ying
- Winry Rockbell
- George Lass
Would like to be removed from this list because she's not entirely straight and has also managed to turn Stan straight. Or at least less gay.
edit Current Campers
edit Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune
has a really long full name, but no one really wants to hear it. A princess of Seyrunn, a snappy dresser (who apparently doesn't wear any underwear), and a Mage. Amelia is often uninteresting, but that's okay - JUSTICE! was gone a really long time, but has somehow come back. With her sister. This is probably Riddle's fault.
edit Anakin Skywalker
Anakin Skywalker is a Jedi Padawan. He tried to kill everyone, once, but they got over it. Sleeps in Athrun Zala's bed, and has the marvellous ability to make Ash Ketchum listen to him.
edit Anne Shirley
Anne Shirley has absolutely no romantic interest in Cal and wishes everyone would stop misinterpreting her platonic hard-on. She also has no idea what a platonic hard-on is, and would rather no one ever explain ever.
Ari would probably be better off dead, but that'd be far too easy on him. He's the emo kid everyone is always telling to cheer up. Would be the end all of pathetic if it wasn't for the fact that he regularly indulges in Snarky Bitch Days. Often can be found with Ash and Al, forming the A Team.
edit Ash Ketchum
Ash Ketchum is a Pokémon trainer. Words really can't describe him, unless they're sparkly and covered in cheese. He's often in some state of undress. Never accept any dairy products from him.
Actually, never accept anything edible from him. You're much better off not knowing why.
Also: He's not a puppy.
I AM NOT Ash is NOT a puppy darn you. *SHAKESFIST*
Edit again: Havoc disagrees with the previous edit.
Edit Edit: Havoc's opinion is null and void. NOTAPUPPY.
Even more editing!: LIEZ.
edit Athrun Zala
Athrun Zala is a wangsty giant robot pilot who is currently
sentenced to death for being a loser on a top-secret reconnaissance mission in Camp Fuck You Die. His angst has the occasional ability of congealing into a solid mass which is capable of growing tentacles. When not trying to drown himself in the lake in his misery, Athrun enjoys angsting, tinkering with machines, being in denial and wangsting. Let's not forget, he likes to go to Anakin Skywalker for comfort.
edit Bart Allen/Impulse
Bart Allen a.k.a. Impulse is a three year old in a fourteen year old's body with the attention span of a hyperactive butterfly. He can travel at superspeeds and is an advocate of superheroing even while at camp. Also holds the world's largest repository of video games which he keeps in hammerspace or somewhere past the fourth wall he keeps breaking.
edit Buffy Summers
Buffy really just wants everyone to stop being retarded and trying to kill each other. She'd also like a pony. [EDIT]: Bart would like to add she likes Kon more than ponies. Ha. [wtf Bart]: ...Yeah, but she already has Kon. She doesn't have a pony D: She also fails at alphabetical order, but only because of her not-so-sekrit desire to be closer to Bart. unf baby.
edit Chase Stein
Chase thinks this wiki is gay. He is probably right.
edit Cher Horowitz
Cher doesn't get it.
edit Da Qiao
How many people from Ancient China are there, anyway? Da Qiao is the wife of Sun Ce, conquerer extraordinaire. Currently the only female in camp to know that there ain't anything "little" about his "little conqueror", but a lady never tells! Has the annoying tendency to befriend villains and then defend them because "there's some good in them".
Elgala has ringlets of death, which she uses to choke her victims in the most elegant way possible.
edit Elphaba Thropp
Elphaba is camp's resident green witch, better known as the Wicked Witch of the West. She avoids the lake and the onsen, will take care of any animal that crosses her path (provided it's not trying to do anything... strange...), and is not often cheerful. Oh, and she blames herself for everything. Seriously. ...Except for the things that are Riddle's fault. Leader of Shinigami Division #WTF.
edit The Elric brothers
Alphonse Elric is a real boy and is quite skilled at dodging the truth and being a hug ninja. Edward Elric is about seven inches tall and likes to yell at people and make out with sadistic wizards like Voldemort (Who is really Roy Mustang in disguise.). Winry Rockbell would like to say that the next person who edits this to say they're incestuous is going to get a wrench lodged up their snatch. If you don't have one? She'll make one. Oh, snap.
edit Evangeline Athanasia Kitty McDowell
Eva is Our Vampiric Lady of Supreme Badass and would like it to be known that, unfortunately for Rusty, she can only handle two emo Gundam pilots (Shinn and Athrun) as her "partners" at any one time. And yeah. The spell DOES feel damn good, baby.
Excel was born to the last true Citra, Krystalmeth Syryndypyty Sue, and a Mazoku named Triggrypuff. She is secretly the reincarnation of Althena, and her hair is the color of the first ray of sunlight on a clear summer morning as reflected in the mane of a baby unicorn. She grew up in Solaris, where she was trained to be a killing machine. This is where she met and eventually ran away with Lord Il Palazzo, who was currently the President of the United States. Taishi Kubonhutsu is their lovechild from the future.
edit Fujiwara no Sai
Fujiwara no Sai walked into a lake and drowned over a thousand years ago. Because of Go. He spent the time since then haunting his Go board and obsessing over the game. When he's not haunting his board he haunts pre-teen boys and Heroes. And he loves them all dearly. He now lives in Boys' Cabin 5 as Rosalyn's pet ghost and is the newest member of Stan's harem.
edit Gan Ning
Gan Ning is a pirate from ancient China. Not only is he a pirate, but he's also probably the sexiest pirate alive, and he'll gladly eliminate toe competition to prove so. Despite his bravado, he has yet to land a lady-type. He is perhaps best known for briefly fermenting and distributing zombie blood wine and also illegally downloading music. In addition, he is totally better than Gongji at everything.
"Everything" obviously doesn't include spelling. "Toe competition", Xingba?
Shut up, twerp. My INT stat's higher than yours.
edit George Lass
George is eighteen and she's dead. She was killed when a toiletseat fell out of space and squished her like a bug. After dying, she was drafted into the ranks of the Grim Reapers, but since she sucked at it, she was sent to Camp Fuck You Die as punishment. She's not exactly nice, but Camp is starting to grow on her, more's the pity.
edit Hanajima Saki
edit Hanasaki Momoko
Hanasaki Momoko is a thirteen year old magical girl who can transform into the Love Angel Wedding Peach. When she is not running around trying to encourage the other campers through whatever angst (or encounters with the tentacle monster in the lake) they may be experiencing, she can be found having improbable crushes on ancient Chinese warriors, Jedi, and random giant robot pilots. The most recent object of her affection
is Jiang Wei of Shu has left camp, causing her ridiculous amounts of emo. Not that she can apparently have a relationship any other way, as her current hopeless pining over Rikuou proves although she apparently likes strike-tags.
Except that Yousuke kinda likes to prove her wrong all the time. Yeah.
edit Haruno Sakura
Haruno Sakura is one of many ninja running around Camp Fuck You Die. She makes up 1/3 of the camp's Fag Hag Trio. She does not like waterwangs.
edit Hasegawa Chisame
Chisame makes up another 1/3 of CFUD's Fag Hag Trio. Lives in a (marginally) boys' cabin and can usually be found lusting obsessively for men she can never have except for those two kisses that one ti--I mean, canoodling with her loving girlfriend and being honeymoon-cute. Yeah. That's the ticket. o woe Mello and Near Also does a damn good bunnygirl when the mood strikes her, although not in the sense Chizuru wishes she would. Unless they're Lunamaria Hawke.
edit Heather Morris
Heather, after all the time she spent wandering around Silent Hill, is pretty blase about the whole zombie camp thing. She's one of the most rational campers, which means that she has absolutely no qualms about using human guinea pigs to test any foods or bizarre items she comes across. She's been dating Kabuto since roughly two seconds after meeting him. She also has a pipe fetish.
edit Huang Yue Ying
Huang Yue Ying is the wife of deceased Prime Minister of Shu, Zhuge Liang. She is the
resident castration-terrorist unofficial mother figure of Camp Fuck You Die, and does her best to make sure the campers are educated, healthy, and clean. She takes an unhealthy interest in robots. Turn-ons include long walks through the jungle, wreaking havoc on Wei, handcuffs, and war machines. Turn-offs include idiots, enemy generals, and generals that bite. Enjoys spreading Shu-Han propaganda. Currently threesomeing it up with Raito and L - good for her! No longer threesomeing with anyone. :(
Hyatt is liable to cough up blood all over your shirt at any time and offer you medicine which you really shouldn't take. Sometimes she dies a bit. Other than that, she's very polite and sane for an ACROSS member (not that that's saying much. Or anything at all, really). Also, although she is a very good cook, you should probably not eat what she makes, because you never know when she's spiked it with medication to make it spicier.
edit Hyuuga Neji
Is probably having AU sex right now.
edit Inui Sadaharu
Enjoys tennis, numbers, and Renji. Mizuki can go find another guy since he is ghei enough.
edit Kon-El (Superboy)
Superboy, known more casually as Kon, was born to be a superhero, fighting for Truth, Justice, the American Way, Pepperoni Pizza, and Miniskirts. He can repel bullets, fly at super-speed, or pick up an 18-wheeler, but he still can't pick up a girl. Fortunately, he still has for company his teammates, his friends, and his tentacle baby Kal.
[EDIT] Kon's girlfriend would like to dispute his inability to pick up a girl.
[EDIT] Kon would like to remind the previous editor about just who did the picking up of who.
[EDIT] The previous editor would argue that Kon started it and even with Slayer-strength Kon is probably too heavy for her to lift.
[EDIT] I wonder how much his girl weighs...
edit Kusajishi Yachiru
Yachiru still wants to eat Soylent Green cookies, but is too busy chewing on her gay uncles to bother.
L is the world's three greatest detectives in one hot, over-sugared, unwashed, sleepy bundle. He has really sexy toes. And a really sexy brain. He's secretly Batman. Shh, don't tell anyone. I like his socks.
Lady is the resident demon-hag. It's like a fag-hag, but... well, you get the point. She is also incapable of expressing emotions without the aid of guns. She enjoys guns, killing things and fucking with Snake's head.
edit Ling Tong (Gongji)
Ling Tong, also known as Gongji or "That crazy fucker that killed me," is yet another Chinese warrior from the same time as Lu Xun. He is best known for his sarcastic, biting wit, having bizarre icons (although not as bizarre as Chisame's), having really terrible luck, fighting with Xingba, pwning everyone's asses at CFUW
except, oddly enough, Ash Ketchum - RIVAL!, and masturbating. Also holds the camp record for 'most kills in a single night, camper division' and is the jealous boyfriend of Otomiya Haine - and would like those two things considered in tandem. :) Did we mention the masturbating?
Edit ^2: You know you love it.
Edit 3: WE do, and we know that YOU do, but are too sarede to admit it.
edit: Haha very funny.
Ling Tong: I would like to announce that all you people...are morons. I am a warrior and I hate wasting my time on people who are complete ameteurs and being bothered by such nuisances. I am oh-so pleased that you were brave enough to say something about me that is entirely just a speculation of your brain that is in fact big, but an empty hollow head. Just to say that this insult was my pleasure and thank you as you continue on with your most miserable lives.
Edit ^4: Will the real Ling Tong please stand up? Vandalism? HELL YEAH! I HAVE ARRIVED!
edit Luna Lovegood
Luna is a
Bitchwitch. Currently lives in the Mess hall because, well, why not? Can't really see what all the fuss about the undead is, because Zombies are running the government anyway.
edit Lu Xun (Boyan)
Lu Xun is an ancient Chinese swordsman who once again turns into a girl when he comes in contact with cold water. Prone to bouts of emo, especially when it's time for his quarterly performance review. After all, if he doesn't get a good review this time around, he can kiss that raise and year-end bonus good-bye. Likes fire.
edit Madarame Ikkaku
Ikkaku is the bald guy. Tell him that and he flips out sort of like a ninja, but he says he's better than ninjas and probably is not lying. SECOND STRONGEST MAN IN THE DIVISON. UNF, BABY.
Also, he is straight. Eyeshadow and really nice eyebrows aside. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. STRAIGHT LIKE A STRAIGHT THING.
EDIT: If a girl makes a decent impression, he is her bitch. Canon example: Inoue Orihime.
EDIT: No decent impression needed. For all we know, Yumichika and Ikkaku met in a dark, damp alleyway. But, as interesting a story as that could be, I shouldn't type that stuff on school computers.
EDIT: *I*, on the other hand, am at home and have no problem saying Yumichika and Ikkaku are like an old married couple. That likes swords and running around in black robes. Yeah.
EDIT: "STRAIGHT LIKE A STRAIGHT THING," huh? Well in my oppinion he is as straight as a circle.
Marco is occasionally a gorilla named Ax. But since no one is supposed to know that, he's just the token normal guy. And a power ranger, but shhhhh!
edit Meer Campbell
Meer is not Lacus. Most of the time.
Mello is the code name for a sexy young detective with a fantastic fashion sense. He is one of the possible successors to L, and will surely be chosen once he beats Near in winning L's
affection attention. Hi, L! Hi! ♥
ETA some months later: Mello would like to confess that he wrote the above entry, but is too lazy to actually update it with current information.
ETA: Near would like to add that it was painfully obvious who wrote this entry, Mello.
ETA: Mello would like to reply that he knows it was terribly obvious, Near, but it is more than possible that someone entirely unfamiliar with us is reading this and and and -- STFU OR SOMETHING AJf;adjf;.
Near is the code name for a
prepubescent currently-becoming-pubescent detective who is one of the possible successors to L, at least until Mello totally and utterly crushes him and gets acknowledged by L and proves to everyone that he's better than Near!! He's sullen and quiet and plays with toys and really isn't much better than Mello. For real. Love me, L! Love me!
His heart has recently been seen to manifest as a toy lightsaber that flashes on and off, plays the Star Wars theme, and makes really fake Lightsaber noises.
[EDIT] Hasegawa Chisame would like to add that Near is incredibly pubescent, thanks. And he is NOT "shapeless."
ETA some months later: Mello would like to confess that he wrote the above entry, but is too lazy to actually update it with current information. But that it was almost entirely dirty dirty lies.
ETA: Near would like to add that it was painfully obvious who wrote this entry, Mello, and that it was equally obvious how much you were lying.
ETA: Mello would like to accept the first statement and contend the second.
ETA: L thinks you both need to get a room. Oh, wait, you can't do anything. Oh, snap.
edit Obi-Wan Kenobi
Obi-Wan is an amazing nanny. He is also 21, most of the time.
EDIT: And he is hot.
ETA: Obi-Wan would like to point out that he is dotting at the edit above this one.
Edit: Oh, good. You're hot when you dot.
ETA: His Real weapon is his " Wank-yuu hypersexualicentiousize mega sperm blade of Ghandharva land"
edit Oscar M. Himejima
Oscar is not Ayame's clone. Nor is Ayame his. Has a penchant for sparkling, pretty things, and has a slight obsession with the hygiene in camp. Despite being an accomplished actor, has refrained from typing out a long monologue about his wonderful feats. Gets to voice-sex Excel. (Lupin says: FLOUNCEY!) (EDIT: Oscar would like to add that he refuses to be called as such.)(EDIT: Lupin would like to add he doesn't care! Ha!)(EDIT: Oscar would like to say you suck, Lupin.)
Pallapalla enjoys talking in third person, attacking other campers without warning, and playing with dolls.
edit Rei Ayanami
The First Child tops everyone, eventually.
edit Rey Za Burrel
Rey Za Burrel is a
slightly homicidal *totally harmless!* clone who resembles Barbie. He likes puppies, the Time Warp, playing the piano, and dark, evil older men with plans to subjugate or destroy humanity.
Is husband to Kon, father to Impulse.
Edit: Also the boyfriend of Batman
edit Rock Lee
Rock Lee is a sixteen-year-old ninja who enjoys spandex, exclamation points, and disturbing the peace. Lee's favorite and only student is Ash Ketchum, who he often encourages to play with sharp objects and sparkle. A confirmed Sakurasexual (a rare form of sexual deviant who is monogamous to the point of insanity) until he gets drunk and tries have sex with your family/Great Sage/sheep/all of the above. It was recently discovered that Lee's soul is a pink waterwang. Despite this, Lee remains one of the straightest males in camp.
Rosalyn is a classified Hero who
's probably going to get killed very soon presumably got killed after attempting to follow through with her intent to find and defeat the Camp Director... and then inexplicably came back. Sort of.
Editor is wondering what Stan's doing with the pink parasol he found.
Another editor would like to mention that Stan gave the parasol to Rosalyn when that stupid pink twit washbowl woman got her other one damaged.
edit Sabaku no Gaara
Just sits in the corner reading Harry Potter whilst clutching the mark on his forehead. Seems to have oral herpes as he has a wild infatuation with licking his lips. Many other camp members complain about sand in their eyes and also pain in the anal region; funnily enough always at the same time. He always desperately tries to seek attention from Sasuke.
Gaara: I hate you all. I will kill you. Fuckers.
edit Shinn Asuka
Has no idea what is going on with Lu Xun. He is totally devoted to his Stellar. Um, totally. All those times he hasn't been don't count. Rumor has it that he is afflicted with genetically-modified scabies. And is the poster child for 'Bipolar Pilots Who Orgasm From Explosions.'
edit The Sohma family
The Sohma family are a bunch of incestuous sexual deviants, except for Sohma Kyou and Sohma Yuki who managed to crush on an unsuspecting girl that was looking to steal some Zodiac figurines. The Head of the Family is not happy about this, but is unable to do anything about it until the fangirls stop arguing about his or her true gender. Sohma family members currently at camp include Ayame, Hatsuharu, Hiro, Yuki and Kisa.
edit Son Goku
Is really just there to bitch at Stan and be pwned by Sanzo's fan. And occasionally go crazy and rip off some fake arms. D:
edit Stanley Hihat Trinidad XIV, aka "Evil King Stan"
Stan is going to conquer the world. Beware. Or he would, if he weren't so incompetent.
edit Sun Ce
The ruler of the lands of Wu. He would like to
brag point out that he and Da Qiao are the only married canon couple in camp. He can crush a variety of things in his armpit - everything from beer cans to your head. Also Lu Xun's father-in-law, way to go Dynasty Warriors Timewarp.
edit The Tringham brothers
Like the Elrics but
better more incestuous you wish, bitch lamer [except Russel, who is dating pop star Meer Campbell and is cool by association] and actually incestuous [again, Russel not included] and also more emo except without the human transmutation. [...okay, Russel is totally emo.] And also illegal in all states except Hawaii. From the same universe as the Elrics, too, except not. Fletcher is a little crybaby, and Russel wishes he was Ed.
Last name also spelled Tringam, Tringum, and Tlingit (WTF?!), because a good percent of fangirls/boys/Lianes are illiterate.
Side note; Both sets of brothers are incestuous. It's been confirmed. Deal.
Tobias is a fifteen year old boy trapped in the body of a red-tailed hawk, only he can sometimes become a Real Boy again. For two hours at a time after he eats the eyeballs of a virgin newt, anyhow. He also loves a Real Girl, and they're going to have kids and die someday. What's the point?
edit Tom Marvolo Riddle
Aka Lord Voldemort. Everything is his fault. Seme to everyone. [EDIT] Darth Vader would like to point out that Voldemort is never seme to him. Ever. Don't make me hurt you. [EDIT] Riddle would like to suggest that Vader get down on his knees, open his mouth, and say "NoooOOooOO!" [EDIT]Editor would like to point out that they both bottom to Ayanami. [EDIT] Vader would like to suggest that Riddle and he form an unholy evil alliance to top Rei Ayanami.
Edit: I can hear the wedding bells. Voldemort and Darth Vader.
edit Tsukiyono Omi
Despite his utter gayness, terrible fashion sense, incest issues, sexual habits, denial, general nosiness, bad animation and plot holes that will suck your soul, Hatsuharu still hangs out with him.
edit Uchiha Itachi
Sasuke's brother. Hyuuga Neji's seme. Bakes really tasty cookies. Is totally whipped.
edit Uchiha Sasuke
Uchiha Sasuke is a gay ninja. If you mention his undying love for Uzumaki Naruto or Uchiha Itachi in his presence, he may totally flip out and kill you (as ninja are wont to do), but this is unlikely, as he will probably be too busy having angst, which is mainly caused by severe sexual frustration.
edit Uchiha Sasuke would like to announce:
I AM NOT GAY
Continuing on with the theme, he has another announcement:
I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH MY BROTHER.
YOU ARE THINKING OF THE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.
ITACHI IS A NO-GOOD BASTARD. I HATE YOU ALL.
OROCHIMARU IS NOT A PEDOPHILE. OR AN EPHEBOPHILE. BASTARDS.
See the Giant Font of Truth?
Uchiha Sasuke: A Psychological Profile by Freud - Part I
Uchiha Sasuke is without a doubt suffering from barely repressed homosexual tendencies and seems to become extremely agitated whenever his older brother, Itachi, is mentioned. One recurring statement that Sasuke (which if you let it roll off the tongue without thinking about it sounds like "sas-gay", an irony indeed) makes is that he was always staring at his brother's behind whenever Itachi walked away from him. It seems that Itachi was the preferred rent-boy of the Uchiha Clan due to his phenomenal sexual prowess and ability to use his Sharingan to copy sexual techniques, even from seedy hentai series such as LA Blue Girl. This, combined with Sasuke's frustration at not being able to use his Sharingan (or his penis), drove him into a depressive incestuous funk that he dealt with by trying to catch up with him. He attempted to learn to perform the Katon: Gokakkyu-no-jutsu flame technique that the Uchiha Clan specialised in, but with no pubic hairs to help fuel the blaze was unable to perform it as well as Itachi, whose proficiency with it was so high he used it to remove all his body hair with no adverse effects. Little did Sasuke know that Itachi was deeply bitter about being used as a fuck toy by all the men in the village and one dark night when the moon was full used his new found power of the Manloveyou Sharingan to rape everyone in the Uchiha clan to death.
When little Sasuke ran home later that night he found his parents' slumped on the floor with their asses exploded, seemingly from severe overdose of anal rape. When the culprit stepped out of the shadows it was none other than his own brother Itachi, who admitted to Sasuke that he had obtained the power of the Manloveyou Sharingan only by raping his best friend, Uchiha Shisui, to death. Itachi then used one of the techniques available only to Manloveyou Sharingan users, the Tsuckmeoffi, a genjutsu that allowed Itachi into the mind of the victim and allowed him to rape them in the ass for up to three days straight. After a mere few seconds in this strange world of illusory penetration Sasuke told me he broke down and said now he knew how goatse felt. When he asked Itachi why he would do such horrific things he merely replied "I wanted to test the limits of my penis". Or something like that, Sasuke was very distraught at this point and sunk into a deep state of emo depression. Part II coming later.
edit Data Collection Experts -Revision- [subject: Uchiha Sasuke]
The above comment by Uchiha Sasuke is in fact true (if only because sex is prohibited at Camp Fuck You Die); he is not having any sexual relations at the moment. However, research suggests that he would like to be having them with Uzumaki Naruto. And possibly Itachi, too, but Itachi is too busy AU-sexx0ring Neji to care.
edit Urameshi Yuusuke
Urameshi Yuusuke is wounded somewhere on his body at all times. He is aware he is a shounen retard, thanks, and would like you to stop using stupid over-four-syllable words and just show him what you're made of. He is also a demon, but doesn't eat babies. He swears. SHUT UP, Kurama.
edit Wesley Crusher
Wes is a
15 16 17 year old nerd boy who could avoid most problems with other campers if he knew when to shut up. He's so nice that you get sick of it sometimes, and has a horrible sense of fashion. Once in a month he turns into a werebunny . Currently in a happy, no-touching-before-marriage relationship with Anne Shirley.
edit Wolfram von Bielefeld
Wolfram von Bielefeld is loud, bratty, spoiled, and would be far more emo than he already is except he's from Kyou Kara Maou and not Gundam SEED. He's slowing learning the ways of those stupid humans, but in no way is it happening quickly; he would especially like being told why he's Pussy Galore and what in the world a Godzilla is. For your own safety, do not in any way associate with Shibuya Yuuri. Really. It's safer that way. Don't mention getting any around him either, or his mighty jealousy and sexual frustration will turn his face purple.
edit Yakushi Kabuto
Yakushi Kabuto was the/a camp medic until people who are supposedly getting paid for what he was doing showed up. He still, somehow, ends up treating miscellaneous gunshot wounds, treating curse victims (again) and making various medicines that other campers need to stay alive. Victim of two attacks for his vital organs; has survived one.
Tries to look special by alphabetizing Moonlights as a Ghey Eskimo.
Clap your hands if you believe in Kabuto.
edit Yanagi Renji
Yanagi Renji is another tennis player from Rikkai. He enjoys literature and likes to be called Master in and out of bed. He's also the one you want to blame for Inui's unhealthy fixation with data, but he won't complain if you call it Riddle's fault. Has developed lactose intolerance since he overdosed on Ash!juice and died once at the hands of creepy blue men.
edit Yzak Jule
Yzak is a Commander of ZAFT, with a short temper and a bitchy attitude. One could say he suffers the male equivalent of PMS 24 hours a day. He's in a "their love is so verbally abusive" relationship with Dearka Elthman, and his BFF is Sakura, who he recently fought the giant waterwang with. Yzak may look like his mother, but he can top when he wants, really. And if you try and say he is a stereotypical uke, he'll murder you.
He is also a bunny.
Dearka would have his own entry too but since Dearka is merely a gay BFF of Yzak he's not important. And he's a retard but Yzak loves him anyway. <3
edit Former Campers
Alex the only camper who drinks Ash dairy products willingly. ((And he drinks it with drugs and calls it Moloko-Plus)). He would also like everyone to stay away from his tree unless they are hot women.
edit Allen Walker
I have no snark. Just ♥.
Brock would like to know if any of you lovely ladies are free tonight.
edit Colin Creevey
Colin Creevey is a fourteen-year-old wizard who goes to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry during the school year. Colin enjoys photography, fanboying, photography, ending sentences in multiple exclamation points, and photography. He also owns a demonic camera. It bites.
Dib is a paranormal investigator and Zim's boyfriend/mortal enemy. He has a big head.
Last seen being captured by the Killer Tomatoes.
Note: If confronted, do not believe a single word he has to say.
Haku is a resident zombie-ninja. He enjoys baking pie, knitting, and Zabuza. He enjoys munching on the zombies and at times may regress to zombie state and attempt to eat his fellow campers.
edit Harry Potter
Harry Potter is the great-great-great-great-GREAT grandson of one Anakin Skywalker, and quite possibly his wizard reincarnation. And he'll thank you kindly to stop poking the scar on his head. It's annoying.
edit Hyuuga Hinata
Specialises in brain-breaking, cavity-causing cute-ness, especially when three-years-old. Also, fear the fluffy angst: you have been warned.
edit Kagurazaka Asuna
Heartily enjoys such camp-wide activities as "Wearing Pants," "Having a Bra On," "Avoiding Molestation," and "Football."
Definitely wasn't killed by Excel for messing with her "Li'l Bro." Nope. Not at all.
edit Jiang Wei
Jiang Wei is the student of Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying. Is hot for teacher. Both of them. Jiang Wei would like to politely add that he was under the influence of narcotics and alcohol at the time and is in no way remotely gay.
edit Kagami Taro
Kagami Taro is an ordinary Japanese middle schooler, really. He doesn't know anything about a large blue shark-toothed guy or dangerous notebooks. Really. Ehheh.
edit Minashiro Soushi
Rey says Excel is wrong about Soushi. Soushi says he'd rather that not be the only thing in the profile. So we'll say he's gay, then he'd argue that he's bi. So basically there is no pleasing the kid (And he would like to point out he is not a kid.)
edit Niou Masaharu
Niou is a tennis player from Rikkai Dai Fuzoku and doubles partner with Yagyuu. Armed with the powers that be, otherwise known as The Audience, Niou is married to the whole camp, though he has special preference to aforementioned doubles partner, Neji, and Itachi. And he really does love them. Really.
Niou is also hurt that Yagyuu below doesn't place him among the likes list.
edit Otomiya Haine
Otomiya Haine is a spirited fifteen year old- as she often says. While she is a tad naive and optimistic to a fault, don't let it fool you. She was once a well-known delinquent and knows how to "kick butt", as she puts it. At the moment, she says that as long as her "unique talents" are known, she will bodyguard whoever needs it most. Haine is also in love with Touguu Shizumasa, her School Council President, and devoted to her best friend Amamiya Usio, both of whom are currently not at camp. However, in the meantime, Haine has made Honshou Chizuru and Suzushiro Haruka her newest best friends.
ETA some months later... I totally owned this profile. Love, Gongji. ♥
edit Ron Stoppable
Ron has a pet naked mole rat named Rufus, who is at least five times more capable of self-preservation and intelligent thoughts than Ron himself. Ron has difficulty firing shotguns, and seems to lose his pants a lot. He may or may not enjoy dressing up in his friend Kim Possible's cheerleading outfit. Also disputable is the CIA's secret (stolen) "Guantanamo sex scandal abuse plan to blow up Russia #2 v.09 bar code edr-2165872670" filed by Diana Ross, showing Ron RAPING Rufus, while also wanking two black-hooded russian soldiers and being videotaped by the good people at Scholastic publishing sahck.
After being really boring for a while, Starfire escaped camp via godmode.
edit Winry Rockbell
Winry is now two for two for crushing on gay and/or taken men. Despite wearing a tube-top and being able to fix and build a car engine herself, she is not getting any. This is a clear failure on the part of the male race as a whole, and you should all be ASHAMED.
The male race as a whole would like to explain that they're really kind of afraid of what she could do to them with a wrench. It's nothing personal.
Then the male race should be thinking about what they could do to HER with a wrench. You fail AGAIN.
The female race sometimes thinks about what Winry does to herself with a wrench, does that count?
Only if I can watch. (And maybe take notes.)
edit Yagyuu Hiroshi
Yagyuu is part of Rikkaidai Fuzoku's tennis team. He plays doubles with Niou Masaharu and enjoys the finer things in life, such as tennis, winning at tennis, and, well, tennis. Sometimes Yagyuu and Niou will switch identities
just because they can.
He once took a dip in the Spring of Drowned Mary Sue. During the events that resulted, a marriage nearly took place, several gay boys became temporarily straight, and Mary Sue healed the wounded souls of several of the angsty idiots abounding at camp. Then she was doused with hot water.
...No signs of straightness have been seen from any of the boys who came into contact with her since. It is believed that the trauma of seeing the light of their life and the love of their soul turn into a small dumb green alien caused them to forever forswear the love of women.
As Mary Sue, Zim is indeed a fearsome enemy. Or friend. Or lust object. Or whatever.
No relation to Zig.
We shall always miss him and his hot dogs. And his Public Service Announcements.
edit The Counselors
They exist. Really.
Is surprisingly easy to hide, despite his size.
Walking Sex. Likes pizza, the family jewels and blowin' shit up. When with Snake, he may in fact be box sex rather than walking sex. Kinda has a thing for his twin brother. That's ok, we all kinda have a thing for his twin brother.
Flew into camp on the back of a swan. He then ordered the bird to go to its nest and think about what it did.
Is the coolest counselor. 'nuff said. (Despite having 0 chance with women sans underaged Winry Rockbell.)(He's got Mustang anyway. Har.)
edit Gwendal von Walde
Likes to knit, small animals and- even if he is far from small OR cute- Urameshi Yuusuke. Emotionally retarded, but that one runs in the family. (aka: Lupin's mommy. Don't ask.)
edit Izumi Curtis
edit Lord Il Palazzo
Lord Il Palazzo, perhaps more frequently known as Lord Ilpacock, is a deranged sociopath with multiple personalities... the perfect selection for an authority figure! But then, you'll all know that when you're kneeling before him!
Although Excel would like it to be known that if any of you are kneeling in front of him for any other purpose than general worship, she will kill you. She hasn't even gotten to do that yet. Editor would like to point out that if someone is there, it is likely at Il Palazzo's beck and call and Excel's judgment might be considered blasphemous.
...Excel would like to apologize for her blasphemy and humbly request that she be allowed to watch next time Lord Il Palazzo has sexual relations with
Gillywang someone not her.
edit Lu Meng
Lu Meng, styled Ziming, is one of the few counselors who takes his role seriously. Perhaps too seriously. Despite his rough exterior, he's also very fair-minded. Also, none of you are as dexterous as he.
About as far from a responsible adult as you can get. Lupin's favorite pasttimes include: flirting, stealing, bothering Alex, flirting, getting drunk with Atsuko, making up demeaning nicknames for people, flirting, chilling out at the onsen, getting drunk with Xingba and Xiao, and of course, flirting.
Is a wet match.
And also an Iron Chef.
edit Nicholas D. Wolfwood
Wolfwood is only good for three things. Smoking, shooting crap, and having yelling matches with Urameshi Yuusuke. He does, however, moonlight as a priest on some occasions. Formerly known as Rabbi Nicholi D. Wolfkowitz.
edit Sha Gojyo
Gojyo only wants to get laid. He is also not gay. He is just married.
edit Solid Snake
Snake 's current location is classified. By classified, we mean probably banging Dante. Or tranqing campers. He would like to state that any boxes spotted on camp are NOT to be kicked, shot at, or set on fire.
edit Urameshi Atsuko
Atsuko likes to throw bottles at shounen retards, be they her own or be they not. Other interests include getting wasted, smashed, hammered, drunk, sloshed, and any other words synonymous with heavy drinking. Adopted Rock Lee and Kagurazaka Asuna and forced Yuusuke into indentured servitude to pay for them all. GOOD TIMES.
edit The Audience
Sometimes helpful, sometimes nice,
sometimes squirrels, mostly sadistic, the Audience enjoys poking fun at campers, advocating relationships, encouraging Ash to sparkle and making sure that Ying turns into a radioactive zombie at least once a week. They are easily distracted by gays, porn and gay porn. It is a long held tradition for the Audience members to marry new campers. And each other. And occasionally particularly brilliant computers. This tradition was started by Merodi.
We also blame the campers for the death of our social lives. And possibly failing some exams. Thanks a lot, you horrible, hilarious bastards. (You're welcome!)
During the 1,000,000 comment dash, the Audience displayed powers of spam-fu that were probably better left dormant.
Our chief weapon is annoyance... Annoyance and sparkles... Sparkles and Annoyance... Our two weapons are annoyance, sparkles, and marriage... Our three weapons are annoyance, sparkles and marriage... And an almost fanatical devotion to crack... Our four... No, AMONGST our weapons... Weaponry... Are such elements as...
We'll come in again.
CFUD is a breeding ground for the strangest viruses ever. Emphasis on the "strange" part.
Someone else please to add on more as this audience member's memory is fast deteriorating with age. And she's only 16. Woe.
Newest virus on the block started by Kon aka Superboy. Apparently, everytime you sneeze, it changes you into your ex AKA your former significant other. In the loosest terms possible. Seriously, Fletcher turns into his evil ex-boss.
edit Gender-Switch virus
You change genders. With usually quite smexy results. Neji, so far, wins the "Camper that has turned into the opposite gender the most times" award. Neji blames it on the awesome artist, Askerian, that drew all the pretty fanarts of female!Neji & female!Itachi.
edit De-Aging virus
Just as it sounds. You turn significantly younger than your original self and you spam camp with cute. ♥ Is sometimes used with the gender-switch virus to double the cuteness factor.
edit Over-Aging virus
I forgot the official name, if there even was one, but it does the opposite of the de-aging virus. And instead of "cute", most campers turn out rather hot. Yum~
edit Animal/Furry virus
Campers turn into animals and chaos ensues. Only not really. Anywhoz, the favored animals are cats and bunnies. And no, Ash's cow self is not a virus. Unfortunately for the campers' sanities, he can squirt out milk by using his "moo-no-jutsu". Blame Naruto for teaching him Sexy-no-Jutsu.
CFUD: Making thousands lactose intolerant. And try not to think of why someone would associate cows with sex.
edit "Pokerus" virus
Everyone turned into a Pokémon of some sort, which gave Ash a field day. And Al made the cutest Pikachu. ♥
edit Cloud Sign virus
A small cloud hung over random campers and displayed their true thoughts for all the camp to see. Only they can't see it. Oh my~
edit Bad-Fanfic virus
Bad fanfics galore. And, holy crud, it was bad. No words can describe how horrid they were. Why fanfiction.net? WRRRYYYYY?!?!
edit Porn virus
Unlike usual camp viruses, this one affected the computers. Ah, the spammage that ensued. Basically, the computers wrote crack or AU sex for the whole camp to read. It was very good sex too. ♥
edit Super Hero virus
Yes, you too, can become a superhero! Just that you can't pick and you really do turn into a superhero. Strikes at random people.
edit Magical Girl virus
Actually, it wasn't really a virus so much as you get a bracelet and turn into a magical girl. Fun for all ages.
edit Native Creatures
There are various organisms that campers will want to look out for. Also, now that a "proper translator" has arrived at the camp, here is what the various wildlife are apparently like.
A sentient marshmallow peep discovered by Hyuuga Neji. Was briefly adopted by an unstable and arguably insane Lu Xun, who named him after Shinn Asuka (A Super-Ace). While in Lu Xun's care, Ace took up smoking, and learned the ability to spawn cigarettes out of thin air. He has since been reclaimed, and the cigarettes are harvested by tobacco-dependent campers.
Momoko's pet orange blob. He has been known to vomit slugs, eat anything he lays his six, heart-shaped eyes on, and to smell really bad. Blob-chan usually spends his days sitting on Momoko's head. His favorite past-time is to spaz out whenever anyone (but particularly boys) gets too close to Momoko. He also has an unrequited crush on Gurg-chan, Rukia's sentient fungus.
A snarky, wish-granting, rainbow, sparkling Gundam plushie that resides in a tiny cave in the mountains. Only known sightings of this creature were by Yzak and Dearka, in which they wished for... a sandwich, and for it to go the hell away. (guess who wished for what) Fabio will insult your shit and bust a cap in your ass if you get too smart with him.
Will rape campers late for breakfast (which is at 5am).
Will also rape any campers who attempt entering the cabins of the opposite sex Don't really seem to mind campers entering cabins of the opposite sex anymore. Often come out of fucking nowhere.
edit Hormonal Goats
They are known to attack and/or attempt to hump campers in possession of banned items. Stay away from them.
Kal is the parasitic tentacle monster that resided in Kon-El for six weeks before chewing his way onto the camp scene. Kal communicates only with emoticons and has an overwhelming biological imperative to eat his mommy, Kon.
Kal is currently toying with the affections of two other tentacle pets, Tentacruel and Chie-tako, and casting doubts as to 'his' actual gender.
edit Land Whale
A whale that lives on the land and patrols the area near the barrier. In the past it's eaten at least one person who's gotten too close to it.
Many, if not all, of the laptops assigned to the campers are sentient, and delight in tormenting their owners. How they do so varies from computer to computer, but the most common variation involves posting porn about their user and making comments about that user's lovelife.
edit Ling Cao
Ling Cao is Ling Tong's deceased father, who was slain by Gan Ning many years ago. When Gan Ning's laptop was possessed by the spirit of every man he had ever killed, Ling Cao's was one of the more dominant personalities. Because Gan Ning and Ling Tong are now friends, Gan Ning keeps Ling Cao (who seems not to hold a grudge) on his computer so that Ling Tong can interact with his father on occasion. He occasionally manifests into a physical form, but this is rare and it drains the battery life.
Live in the lake. They'll try to eat people who swim into them.
Momo - not to be confused with Momoko - is Wesley's pet. Nobody really knows what species she belongs to. She's pink, fuzzy, eats shoelaces and randomly pounces people she likes.
Talk to them frequently- they'll save your game for you and bring you back if you die. Which happens more frequently than you'd like it to, really. You'll probably come back anyway even if you don't talk to them, but it's quicker and easier if you've saved your game
and also you won't have to do all your battles and quests and whatnot over again.
edit Non-were Bunnies
There have been many bunnies spotted at camp over the months. Some are green, some live in nests made out of human bones, some look totally normal, but there's one thing they all have in common. They're evil through and through. If you see a bunny, run. Otherwise you're just asking for trouble.
Peppito is a magical teapot belonging to Heine Westenfluss. You may only choose what sort of tea it makes if it likes you and you ask nicely. Suspected to be conducting an affair with the tea cozy.
There are no Penguinja at Camp Fuck You Die.
EDIT: Except the ones that captured Athrun Zala once.
edit Polar Bears
Only one's been seen so far, but there may be other house-sized polar bears wandering around in the woods. The meat from one bear will keep the camp fed for quite some time.
edit Psychic Toucans
They can sense your every move. They are watching you. Their objective is currently unknown. We have field agents working on it.
edit Silent Hill Monsters
Horrible creatures from the depths of Heather's psyche. Other than the Nurses, they mostly stick to the outskirts of camp and don't bother anyone. The faceless Nurses, on the other hand, live in the infirmary and will treat people who go there, although sane people'll visit the real doctors at the hospital instead. Other monsters spotted in camp are Doubleheads, which're burnt-looking dogs that have been cut in half vertically then tied back together with bandages but with their heads left to flap, and Insane Cancers, which're fat, humanoid, creatures that resemble walking tumors and'll usually be sleeping when you stumble on them.
Resembles a rooster with a human head. It either lives on a rock in the middle of the lake, or was standing on an outcropping jutting into the lake on the opposite side of it from the camp. Its singing will lure people who hear it to their deaths. It's been known to be stunned by a camera's flash.
The Tentacle Monster is a creature of unknown origin and ancestry that lives in the lake of Camp Fuck You Die.
There have been no known photographs or spottings of the Tentacle Monster's entire body. However, as it has been proven that any person who steps near any part of the lake will have to defend themselves from the beast, it can be estimated that the Tentacle Monster is roughly the size of the lake.
The Tentacle Monster's objectives are as yet unknown. However, through empirical evidence, we can surmise that one of its goals is the total molestation of every camper at Camp Fuck You Die. Or at least the male ones.
It lives in the lake. Its purpose in life is to ass-rape as many campers (mostly male as of yet) as it possibly can. Avoid it, as it is known to hurt. A lot. And break people.
Dante informs us that the tentacle monster's name is Marcy, and as the name suggests, a she. Other names for the Tentacle monster include Tentapii (Ropponmatsu's), Anti-Peach (Homechat's) and Boomer (Ash's).
The tentacle monster has also on at least one occassion been able to transform itself into a somewhat-human form
we like to call that Ursula the Sea Witch to seek revenge on Fuuma Yousuke for chopping off one of her tentacles so Momoko could make dinner. :(
- Ash Ketchum
- Athrun Zala
- Axl (Lumine II)
- Aya Natsume
- Chang Wufei
- Colin Creevey
- Haruno Sakura
- Kon (see: Kal)
- Ling Tong
- Lu Xun
- Makie Sasaki
- Otomiya Haine
- Shinn Asuka
- Stellar Loussier
- Tenjou Utena
- Watanuki Kimihiro
- Asakura Yoh
- Nagi Naoe
(and that's why he's not here)(Nagiiiiii ;___;)(HE IS NOW)
A cute, cuddly creature with slow reflexes and high endurance. Inhabits the areas around the cursed springs. The Don is their leader.
edit Vampiric Ducklings
First discovered by Ishida Uryuu. Also known for breathing fire, these ducklings will follow their owner around like a puppy. If bitten by one, you may turn into a duck. Preferred food is the blood of sentient fruits and vegetables.
edit Vampiric Gophers
First discovered by Goku. He now keeps one as a pet.
First discovered by Alex. Most details on them are, at this point, unknown.
However, one might look to L as a velociraptor in disguise, due to his fantastically gay velociraptor hands.
White rabid bunnies with red eyes. Attack campers who are stupid enough to take walks in the forest by night. Bitten campers will turn into werebunnies during the full moon.
edit Plant Life
Most of the plants growing in the camp area are either dangerous or very strange, just like most things at camp. A few of them are even strange in good way. Here's a list of some of the area's flora.
edit Alcoholic Berries
First discovered by Lina Inverse, then lost for several months until they were rediscovered by Ying, these are exactly what they sound like; berries that get you drunk. They're known to be very strong, and taste good in daiquiris.
The apples grown in the greenhouse or Kurama's garden are fine unless something else taints them, but ones growing in the woods may cause people to gain evil twins if they're baked into a pie. In some cases in the far past, the victims have entered a coma-like sleep similar to Sleeping Beauty.
There's a patch of these melons growing somewhere in the woods. Eating one turns a person into a little kid. (Shoutaloupe: Auel's Legacy of Crack.)
edit Condom Tree
Created by Naruto by accident, this tree has condoms for leaves. It's unknown what these do to anyone who tries using them, but the results would almost certainly be unpleasant.
They produce milk that should make people smarter but doesn't actually seem to work. They also spit out cakes that they use as bait when they're hungry to lure people close enough to eat.
edit Fire-Breathing Tomatoes
Are mostly harmless, as long as you avoid the flames.
edit Habanero Peppers
Grow north of the mess hall. They spit their oils on anyone that gets too close, making that person's skin burn wherever it touches.
Now presumably dead until next Christmas, the mistletoe in camp forced any people caught under it to kiss and could teleport whenever it was in danger or wanted to torment some poor schlub.
Certain mushrooms in camp cause people who eat them to change ages depending on their height. A mushroom that's 5cm tall will make someone into a five-year-old child, for example.
edit Pie Tree
Grows various types of pies. Most of them are fine to eat, but the blueberry kind transforms people into muppets.
edit Redneck Trees
First discovered by Buffy. They, too, seem to enjoy a good anal-probing of the campers. They are identifiable from other trees by their overalls.
Roses are known to grow at two places in camp. The ones near Boy's Cabin #2 ejaculate on anyone who gets too close. The ones guarding Girl's Cabin #5 attack people who get too close and don't spray them with weedkiller to stun them.
edit Splenda Tree
Has packets of Splenda for leaves, and grows fruit that looks like bananas and makes it impossible for anyone who eats it to emo until it's worn off.
edit Ticky-box Bush
Grows ticky-boxes as fruit. They taste differently to everyone who eats them.
edit Umbrella Tree
edit Underwear Tree
The result of an ill-advised wish, the campers had access to a dragon that could give them anything and wasted one of the wishes on this tree. It's now used as the camp's main source of clean underwear, although if you stand over any pairs that have fallen to the ground they might suddenly sprout up toward the source of warm, moist heat.
May or may not be engaged in sexual relations with Fletcher Tringham.
There are rumours of perverted vines by the showers (heard it on the grapevine!).
This is in fact true, and Conan Edogawa fell victim to them. He exacted revenge by using them to tie together Lu Xun's raft, however. (They still managed to molest him while he was doing it.)
edit The IRC Channel
Don't mind the topic. We're here to break your brains. For the record, if you didn't already know: We support sodomy, polygamy and genocide! ...Well, maybe not the last one. Our lovely mascot is Neko Hitler! Love him. Or else.
Come visit at: irc.lunarnet.org, #campfuckudie today!
edit The Crazies
- Alex humps people for no real reason and windows back into the chat at really awkward moments. (Also don't click the links. Ever. Seriously.)
- Alphonse: pwns everyone with The Cute.
- Amelia: Is actually a man. Can kill a conversation in ten seconds flat. Has a secret love of emo poetry. Is so pathetic s/he needs to add her own wiki entry.
- Ami: Moonlights as a guy and a marshmallow. Has the couch and is keeping it.
- Amy: Who will one day murder all of you.
- Anita: Cannot multitask for the life of her and just idles. Is pwned by basic IRC commands.
- Ari: The shoutaholic. Feed obsession at own risk! Needs love. Lots of love. Ari is conveniently married to Murata^Ken. They ride off on sheep and Ari's occupation is to die. A lot. And also to be accosted by Wolfram when Murata isn't looking.
- Ash: Provider of Milk/Ash!Juice/Body Fluids. You know you love it. Breaking brains with his stupidity one day at a time!
- Athrun: Randomly bipolar. Horny in a good mood and emo otherwise. Gay for Jedi. Occasionally the only sane one. Has a female dominatrix side named Shiho and a more normal side named Boyue/Jiang_Wei. Now spends more time as Dearka and doubleteams with Yzak to kill chan with gay.
- Aviy: Pretty much does nothing but fangirl Nishi/Ari (much to Ari's mortified terror and Nishi's amusement) and claim Snake for hot sex0rz.
- Ban: Isn't going to suddenly start having sex with Ginji no matter how many times you tell him. unless Ash watches
- Biz: ...well, Biz!
- Box: Winry, Yuusuke, Snake, or Mustang in hiding. FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP KICKING ME. I'M ZEN IN MY BOX.
- Buffy: Is never in IRC because her college bans it. She emos about this, but no one knows, because she's not in IRC.
- Cher: Is probably writing a crack drabble about you right now. Also, obsessed with bad porn and taking NishiCat to the vet.
- Chisame: Is usually chewing on Near, sobbing as she's molested by Gilbert Dullindal, or talking about you in PM. HAH HAH! PM.
- Chouji: Also known as Sunako. Provides us with pretty, pretty scans and is also too lazy to write up her own bio, so encourages others to! And hence, this. Except Chouji would like to add that it's better to practice safe link-clicking and only click after others.
- Christi: Responsible for almost all of the infamous THE FACE icons in camp. Enjoys breaking the minds of her fellow audience members, boobsquishing, and yuri. Give her some yuri, loves.
- Colin: "My childhood eats babies!! :D"
- Conan: Resident shouta magnet. Prone to random snuggles, cuddles and ninja-glomps from on high. Also randomly turns into Shinichi when the player feels like it.
- Dante: Blatantly innuendos with Snake. A lot. Occationally points guns at people.
- Ed: Is not a bean.
- Elphaba: Has a tendency to break into song at the slightest provocation. Likes cuddles and giving away hamsters (but not to Rikuou because he wants to eat them. Meanie.) Has become one of Gwendal's many fiancees due to a strange Mazoku courtship ritual that involves the dropping of salad on one's keyboard.
- Emo_Jedi: Only has this name because some other asshole registered "Anakin." Asshole.
- Excel: A playercestuous psycho who prefers Pokémon porn.
- fireflylantern: Loses the game too many times for it to be legal. Oh look there she goes again.
- FireKing: "If that camera's on, I'm going to kill you."
- Gojyo: Also known as Renji or Amelia. Topped by everyone. Likes to strip when the channel dies.
- Gongji: Occasionally pops in to blush at Haine and be angry at random things. Like Xingba. GET YOUR OWN DAMN SAMMICH, XINGBA.
- Gweniveeve: is audience, and is NOT Gwendal. She likes to lurk, but will fangirl Hiro and Kisa.
- Heine: Your Godfather. His word is supreme. And the heat rod? Don't touch it. (That goes double for Nishi)
- Haine: Not to be confused with Heine. Can be usually be found eating, sleeping, fangirling, making random and often unrelated comments, or drawing.
- Hatsuharu: Has the attention span of a gerbil on crack.
- Hinata: Will hound you if you are still on at insane hours. And dibs on the Itachi!cookies!
- Hadisia: Henshins into Theodore Roosevelt and Lesbian!Snape. Not to be confused with Hermisia, but often is anyways. A Shounen Idiot with a Great Rack.
Can kill a grown man using only the awesome powers of crack!porn. And by "kill" I mean "kind of annoy and maybe worry".is now Lady
- Himejima: Often confused as Hanajima. Likes to be called Hime, cause he's flouncy like that. Is confused half the time in IRC and emos about typos, early bedtimes, and confusing Tot for Momoko and vice versa. Also has an clone named Oscar.
- Hyatt Lurks like ninja mostly. Is not funny and has no interesting links, but likes to watch the IRC crack happen regardless.
- Ikkaku: Whines about inability to get work done. Heckles her own character. Uses ComicChat, which is some old outdated program that is all compatible with IRC, and therefore probably does not have ping power. Has incredibly horrible hours!
- Impulse: Alternates between IC-ignorance on the debauchery going on in the channel and throwing out links to http://www.superdickery.com or scans_daily. Despite character superspeed is slow on greetings and farewells, and is mocked accordingly.
- Ishida: The sane one. ...no, really. Ignore the obsession with egyptian cotton. Has a problem with "pron"; will try to convince you that it is actually "apron". This is a lie. The jury is out on which is actually worse.
- Itachi: Perhaps the most hormonal of us all. The resident incubus, and we love him that way. Hands out free cookies.
- Jun_Motomiya17: Is constantly getting Junyi pinged when people call her "Jun." Will also be known as Tobias once she gets her laptop and IRC program back.
- Junyi: SURPRISE BUTTSEX!
- Kisa: Defies all pingwords because she has no idea how to make them work. Takes great delight in making sexual references and then grinning at the resultant chaos.
- Kodachi: Is terribly serious and dull. Probably best not to even bother.
- Komui: Suspected for incest, anal-rape of a white-haired boy, and the creation of Kanda Yuu's penis. After all, nobody really believes that Kanda was born with one right?
- Lacus: Will write crackfic for any pairing in the universe. Especially if it breaks your soul. Also known as Stellar. Will sometimes take on the name "Conrad" to freak the universe out.
- Lady: Can't think of what to say here. Help her out and she will love you forever. ♥
- Lupin: While he has no pings, mentioning 'boobs' will magically make him appear.
- Marco: Prefaces most comments with "Randomly:", and takes screenshots of stupid conversations. Is apparently pinged by Gwendal humiliation.
- Mello: Crazy sociopath with the word 'bukkake' as a blockword. Usually seen getting sexed by a miranda-card wielding Near or leading Chisame on. Tends to spam channel when nobody else is talking.
- Miguel_Ayman: The Channel Bicycle. Will do anything with anybody for absolutely no cost! Breaking into song and lapdances are free. Has a kinder, gentler, less sexual side named Murata^Ken. This is of course negated by the handle Gwendal, when no boy is safe. Pinged by "wall", ")8", and "Hitler", WTF Miggie.
- Momoko: Can usually be found drawing or cuddling with Makie or Boyue. Or posting mind-breaking pornography. One or the other.
- Mori: chronic lurker; tends to forget that IRC is open. Weak to the delicious, delicious crack.
- Near: Sarcastic, dirty-minded, and surprisingly direct, considering. Can often be found sexing up Mello, or, in Mello's absence, Chisame in her many incarnations. Warning: Bites.
- Neji: Is damn sexy. Love that ass, mang.
- Ningen_Demonai: Almost never goes on as her net insists on commiting suicide every hour or so. However, when she does, she gets her brain broken within seconds. Would also like to thank CFUD for helping her fail all her classes. Really. Thanks.
- Niou: Enjoys molesting anyone. Everyone. He's also the unofficial son of Itachi and Neji, and brother to Stellar. Incest, anyone?
- Nishi: Allergic to breasts and hugs. Is just around to torture Ishida and Ari, and make off color comments, but don't worry, he probably hates you too. (If you're not Heine. ^__^)
- Katou: Brings all the accidental het to the yard.
- Obi-Wan: (a.k.a 'Obi-Wang'...thanks Sakura) Always rewindows to brain-breakage, calls Gojyo 'Mastah', but tops him.
- Raito: Unofficial Camp Vespa. Molests Lee and Wolfram frequently. Occasionally appears in the guise of an innocent baker that doesn't kill people or as a man who bears a striking resemblance to a popular sandwich bread. Almost always knitting.
- Renet: Will scare the hell out of you if you don't know which two characters she plays (and may even after that). Also tends to put the right comment under the wrong character's name. Has no pings because she can't figure out how to set them up. Shut up.
- Rey: *salutes*
- Riddle: Everything is his fault. Tops everybody, especially Anakin because Lord Voldemort always tops Darth Vader. Is pinged by cake, pie, and sex ed.
- Rikuou: Holds some kinda unofficial record for most times walled in the main channel. Occasionally tries to wall back, but we all know he's nothing but topped. Participates in the almost hourly performances of Yami no Matsuei Theater as Tsuzuki. Has the nick 'Puppy' registered. Is pinged by not-lover SHUT UP, RUE.
- River: Idles a lot. Likes to be in two places at once. Loves her Captain.
- Rock_Lee: Speaks in ALL CAPS a lot (WITH THE SHIFT KEY, WHICH IS WAY MORE HARDCORE). Enjoys molesting Gwendal, Raito, and Wolfram; dot-dot-dotting; and the feeling that comes with randomly being opped even though he has no idea how to use IRC. WOMEN LOVE A MAN WITH POWER. Eye-wanging is his blockword.
- Ron: Should show up more often. Enjoys singing and running off into the sunset with Lacus, as well as sunsets, not finishing video games, and walks on the beach. Sucks at iSketch like woah. May be married. Is a whore for Chouji and Ari, and most everyone else.
- Rosalyn:Is a little overwhelmed by the chan, but is trying to get used to it. Gets walled a lot.
- Rusty: Tends to fade in and out of the channel constantly. Spazzes into random fits of emo that everyone ignores. Tends to glomp Chisame constantly, then runs from Chizuru's insane fits of rage. Floats between different usernames when the time is right. Also known as Lantis, Zagatto, EmoChimera, Zelgadis, Rath, and Sain.
- Sakura: Likes Ewok porn.
- Saya will put you in a dress.
- Shinn: Objects to not having been on this list originally. Fuckers. Miguel thinks Shinn is a retard. Shinn thinks Miguel is more of a retard. Miguel disagrees and can kick Shinn's ass anyday! ZAKU POWER. Shinn disagrees more and would like to point out that Miguel actually had a GINN. Miguel would like to add: MY GINN IS IN THE SHOP. Shinn would like to add: HAHA, DESTINY ISN'T. Athrun would like to add: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP AND LIFT THOSE ASSES ALREADY. Shinn would like to add: WHAT'S WITH THE BELATED NINJA EDIT, ATHRUN? Athrun would like to add: UKES AND CHILDREN FIRST. Shinn would like to add: MY IRC DATA SECTION IS BIGGER THAN YOURS, SO, BY THE LAW OF UKES, I TOP. :D Audience member jumps in and would like to say: GROW UP, and that the giant robot is actually spelt as GiNN. :) Rusty would like to add: HEY AUDIENCE, GET BACK UNDER THE TABLE AND KNOBBLE MY FANTASTIC WANG. YOU'LL LIKE THE WAY IT TASTES. I GUARENTEE IT. Athrun would like to add: HAHA, YOU MISSPELLED 'GUARANTEE'. D:
- Soushi: Has the attention span of... hell, he has no attention span. If he doesn't notice you kicking him the first time, just keep on kicking, he'll notice eventually... or your leg would fall off first.
- Stan can too get ass, thank you very much.
Especially from Rosalyn.
- Starfire tends to forget that she's in the chat and lurks often. Ships everything. Also known as Fletcher, she likes to frighten people by saying things that neither character would ever, ever say.
- Suzuran sometimes turns into Emozilla. Once turned into SuperUltraMechaMegaEmozilla. Has the most horrifying brain ever. Will whore for druggies.
- Telly is audience lurker #3 (or something). Has nothing interesting to say but will sometimes say it anyway.
- Toasty is audience. Mainly lurks around. Is terrified of Robert's eyes.
- Tohru enjoys frightening the other IRC regulars with things that would never come out of the real Tohru's mouth. No, not even with the ho virus. Specializes in twisting other campers' words like a pretzel. Or something.
- Tobias has a tendency to lurk, and pop up and make some mightily strange comments at random times. Tobias also doesn't have any ping words. Ph33r.
- Tot has no thought or impulse control. Will ho for Nagi. Enjoys leaping at Rikuou in hopes that he will one day pursue her dream of using those giant CLAMP shoulders as a defensive lineman for, say, the New York Giants?
- Wes: Usually joins and forget that she's there. If she for once pays attention she fights with her keyboard, molests Russel and steals Fletcher. Owns an Ewok named Rey.
- Wolfram: Screams a lot. And flails. Has a torrid, ongoing affair with her shift key, who likes it hard. Is terrified of bunny rabbits. No, really. Yeah, you shut up. Can often be found being walled by Himejima, hitting shamelessly on Gojyo/Lee/Raito/Gwendal/your-name-here, and dragging Yuuri off to the closet for alone time.
- Xiao: A TASTY FEMALE! :d
- Xingba: Likes Gongji's sammiches, stealing helpless Xiaos, and excessive heart emoticons. Also known for impersonating every Dynasty Warriors character there ever was in the channel.
- Yuusuke: Uses the shift key, thanks. Often spends most time subjecting or subjected to booty calls.
- Yzak: Frequently kills the channel from being too gay with Dearka. Yes there is a 'too gay', and they beat it. She typos alot, and is pinged by the word mpreg. Also Yzak is the token channel bunny, and loves scaring the shit out of Wolfram by turning into BunnYzak and giving him hugs.
- Everybody else: STOP BEING LAZY AND ADD YOURSELVES. *Miguel hides like WHOA*
edit Tom Riddle's Fault
It is widely accepted that everything that happens, ever, for any reason, is Tom Riddle's fault.
ETA: Except for Tuesdays, which have come to fall under the jurisdiction of "Ling Tong's fault".
edit Things that are Tom Riddle's fault
- Ash's sweat that amazingly kills 3.25 Billion people every 190.5 seconds
- Harry Potter's marriage to a tree
- African killer bees
- Math homework
- Data Pair
- Gwendal's uterus (Gwendal von Walde would like to add, "IT IS
APERFECTLY NATURAL." And Wolfram corrects Gwendalniichan's grammar. For the love of... TYPOS HAPPEN, LIKE WOLFRAM'S PERIODS. Like Gwendal's neverending PMSingass periods. Really, at this point I would have thought Gwendal was going through menopause, or perhaps he is pregnant. Again. But the Maou says STFU, because brothers should never fight. Wolfram tells the Maou he has better things to do than tell them to be quiet; like let his fiance "educate" him. An Audience member would like to say that you two both equally suck at "educating". That audience member can go die. Ahahaha and the Audience member would like to add that if Wolfram and the Maou spend all their time editing entries, they shall never get laid. Audience Member B would like to point out that you two sound like quite the married couple, MOZEL TOV. Gwendal would like to say, GOD, STOP MAKING THE ENTRY ABOUT MY BUTTERUS LONGER THAN THE ROAD TO THE ORIENT. Audience member 3 would like to ask ...you mean like this, Gwendel? Suzu types stuff here with the sole purpose of making the butterus paragraph even LONGER. For the win! For great justice! For the ZAFT! Audience member B would like to point out how at least it's the entry about your so-called butterus that's long and not the butterus itself. Audience member C would like to add "we hope." This is true. The Maou still thinks you are all retarded. So? Audience Member D thinks the Maou's one to talk. Wolfram thinks you can all stfu about his Maou. GRR. Audience Member E hands out the caramel flavored popcorn and demands to know why his wonderful Maou doesn't say anything on it himself. Audience Member D thinks Wolfram's cute when he gets all "RAWR WILL PROTECT YUURI." So that's okay. Yeah, whatever. Audience member E would like to add that it's hilarious how long the butterus entry is getting and hopes that the rest of the audience is happy with what they've done. Audience Member D is, yes. Audience member B: Well, it could be longer... Audience Member C says "Obviously we need to work on that then.")
- Bad Internet connections
- My Latin homework
- My Latin homework, too!
- My Japanese homework
- My Japanese and Maths homework D<
- My French Homework
- Time-consuming projects
- Air pollution due to constant farting
- The world exploding
- Spontaneously imploding IRC clients
- Chizuru's groping habits
- Snakes on a plane (whatever that is)
- Keyboards topping everyone
- Wolfram's loss of virginity
- ... and Gwendal von Walde's maintenance of virginity (though Yuusuke may soon change this, which is good because normally Gwendal is too scary for sex).
- Did that ever get resolved, by the way?
- The M5 orbital motorway
masturbationHANDJOB techniques (STFU) (WAIT MAOU SAYS "WUT?!")(What, you don't remember?)
- Wolfram's penis
- Traffic accidents
- The invention of the keyboard
- This list growing longer and longer
- Shoes, ships, and sealing wax
- The Spanish Inquisition
- No one expecting the Spanish Inquisition
- Silk screening labs
- The blatant overuse of Monty Python jokes
- The blatant overuse of Zero Wing jokes
- Family Guy jokes in general
- Killer horses
- Me not getting Stalin's speech memorized (WOE!)
Characters from Kyou Kara Maou! being unable to write AUsWe can TOO go die. (Audience Member A: would like to say "No, no you can't, you hosers.") (You cannot insult me with my own Canada slander.)
- The terrifying animation of Weiß Kreuz
- Global Warming
- The Pythagorean Theorum
- Gundam pilot emo
- Ninja emo
- Straight-girl-in-a-camp-of-gay-boys emo
- Tringham emo
- Izumi's inablity to procreate
- Adult Swim
- Bad dubs
- He put the bop in the bop-sha-bop-sha-bop. (Except wait, isn't that a good thing?)(Not if you're the other guy who would have gotten the other guy's 'baby' to fall in love with him had nobody written the Book of Love.) (Was this also the guy who put the lime in the coconut? If so, I'd like to have a word with him...)
- Gai-sensei's unitard
- My inability to buy Tylenol Sinus Extra Strength without PAIN and DIFFICULTY
- My history prof's obsession with bashing Christianity
- The Noreaster that ripped the wires out of my house
- Lavitz's death
- The Olsen Twins
- The last three chapters of the Sailor Moon manga
- The missing pool chapter in the Wedding Peach manga
- Australia's movie release schedules
- Hilary Duff
- Hilary Duff's teeth
- Research papers
- Marmalade Boy (Hey, I liked Marmalade Boy!)
- The drugs that most manga artists and anime directors are on (Hey, I LIKED those drugs!)
- Soylent Green (Hey, I LIKED that soylent green!)
- Excel's NaNoWriMo (Hey, I LIKED Excel's NaNoWriMo!)
- The destruction of Tokyo (Hey, I liked the - okay, never mind. I got nothin') (...well, /I/ liked it)
- Nanowrimo in general
- Me just finding out today what NaNoWriMo is.
- Pirate shortages
- The Common App
- My college applications in general
- Shinn's college apps getting lost in the mail
- My Computer Science lab
- Rapid desensitization due to the media
- The fact that this list keeps getting LONGER AND LONGER, you crazy fucks! You love it okay, GO!
- Harry Potter's Cutie Moon Rod (STFU HE DOES NOT HAVE A CUTIE MOON ROD.)(YES HE DOES IRC TOLD ME SO.)
- Getting a "yes" vote between 65% and 69.9% on your app
- Buffy not winning more Emmys
- Getting a "NO" vote at 70.1% on your app
- Psst. It's "In" or "Out," not "Yes" or "No"
- Flunking a midterm because he and Ed broke up the night before.
- Losing my copy of Half Blood Prince
- Half Blood Prince in general
- <--vampires o_o ^_^ ~_~ (STFU vampires r hot, wut)
- Harry Potter in general. Or at least the fandumb.
- The Polkaroo
- The Governator
No Harry Potter in Camp Fuck You Die. Yep, that's Riddle's fault, too.Update Jan 2 '05: This has been resolved, although Harry Potter has not entered camp yet.
- Itachi/Neji/Anakin threesomes (That's... a bad thing?)
- Biz having to pee like every five minutes.
- Ticky boxes
- Armpit sex
- Orochimaru milk
- Porn not being on this list sooner
- Porn being on this list at all, 'cause dudes - porn is good. Unless it's bad porn which is an entirely different thing.
- Amelia's return
- Hot Hot Heat
- My Chemical Romance
- Linkin Park? (CRAAAAAAWLING IIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIN!!!)
- The Director's Husband's secret ghey mistresses
- Month-long pauses between replies in AU porn
- AU porns that are never finished
- Tea porn
- Ed's uterus, for the brief time that he has one
- Near and L being emotional retards to each other.
- The Alphabet being emotional retards to each other.
- Yogurt bukkake
- Death by yogurt bukkake
- Suzu abusing her accomplices (They love it.)
- Yoda being a shounen retard
- Anakin/Riddle yuri
- Livejournal downtime
- Livejournal downtime being mentioned more than once
- Someone beating me to the joke re: LJ downtime
- Someone new logging on IRC every few minutes to mention that LJ is down.
- Hay guys did you know that LJ is down? (O RLY?) (FOR REALZ) (WUT?) (NO WAI!)
- LJ owning our collective souls.
- LJ still being down
- LJ going down in a sloppy manner (and you love it go)
- People getting in trouble for editing this too often because LJ was down.
- Harry Potter Badfic. Or is Riddle himself Harry Potter badfic's fault?
- All 64 slices of American cheese
- Icon glitches
- The fact that my school computers block LJ
- Mine too.
- Authors who say they'll update every week and then don't
- Publishers that go out of business in the middle of a series
- Eight-year-old porn (as in porn written by eight-year-olds) (does anybody remember aguywhoeats from fanfiction.net?) (no, what about him?)
- Bad crossovers
- The common cold
- Horses (wait, horses what?) (Have horsesex with humans and cause death to stupid people. Obviously.)
- Womanly vessels
- Audience members failing finals (so true) (Oh, god, isn't it?)
- Riddle-mun failing finals (also true)
- LJ glitches
- Weiß Kreuz in its entirety
- BunnYzak (Hey, I liked Bunny-Yzak!) (So do I, but it's still his fault~) (BunnYzak actually needs to DIE and by DIE I mean go back to being a tiny loud moron because SO SCARY D:) (Wolfram is a wimp.)
- Dearka humping BunnYzak
- Wolfram's IRC not working
- Alex's work shift tonight
- The lack of (non-married) sex at camp. (Fixed!)
- Wes' emo
- Mamaou, the Kingliest Mother this side of Shin Makoku
- Menstural cramps. (Ew, girl stuff!)
- Gojyo not being able to access LJ WOES! D:
- The number 398.
- Spending money I don't have
- World War I
- CAPS LOCK RAGE
- Once, Shinn had a copy of Sorcerer's Stone signed by J.K. Rowling, and then her younger siblings tore it up.
- Furry porn
- The print screen button
- The Game (FUCK. YOU.) (*snickers*)
- Mori's powers (Seriously, Law of Ueki creator, whatever your name is. What are you on, and where can I get some?)
- 4Chan not being on this list already, sheesh people.
- The ending to Metal Gear Solid 2... or the whole latter half of the game in general. (But the cracky ending is so MGS. D:)
- Egg-nog Dragons
- Tohru falling off a cliff (SPOILER D:)(Audience would like to note that she didn't know it was a spoiler UNTIL YOU SAID THAT go die.)
- Player hiatuses.
- The Basilisk currently rampaging through camp
- The ENTIRE Fullmetal Alchemist Movie
- Firefly getting cancelled (NOOOooooOOOOoooOOO!!!)
- Gojyo bidding his cock
- AAA and its inability to drive ten minutes in under three hours to pick up the three teenaged girls who blew out not one, but TWO tires on a really crappy Saab. (As an employee for AAA: Yeah, they suck hard.)(...Apparently I have AAA too. Holy crap.)
- This list being so damned long.
- Victoria and Eugene Urameshi. Actually? That whole dub.
- The fact that it dropped from being 85 degrees to 55 and raining in less than a week. Whyyyyy
- My computer's conspiracy with my cat to drive me insane
- ...MY CAT PEEING IN MY JUST-CLEANED LAUNDRY AS I WROTE THAT. THE HELL?!
- BELIEVE IT!
- Harry Potter being dropped
- The New York Yankees
- Barry Bonds
- The JFK assassination
- lj being partially down the only time I have time to check it for the next week.
- My sudden desire to play Kingdom Hearts
- My random desire to read Riddle/Axel (...That would be hot. Except Roxas would kill him)
- Emo kids
- Fat chicks in small clothing
- John Kerry
- The fact that I have a massive project due tomorrow that I haven't even started
- Artemis' Lover
- The fact that there's some Pokemon author attempting to be the new Oscar
- Dropped characters. D:
- Goatse, Tubgirl, Lemonparty and all related images (how could this not have been mentioned already? come on people, whats wrong with you!)
- Mac outselling Microsoft
- Murderous hatred of Anthy
- Male 'sympathy PMS' (Where they turn into bastards, just for the fun of it)
And now that you have reached the bottom of this list, you must now try to remember what it is a list of. No scrolling up! That's cheating.
Sometimes referred to as "watersnakes," the campers of CFUD have quickly come to know otherwise. It was first discovered in the onsen, but since has shown up in the jello pool, Rock Lee's soul and badly written porn. It appears to be both a sentient and malevolent entity, and may or may not be stalking one Haruno Sakura. The true purpose of the waterwang is at this point unknown.
- IMPORTANT WATERWANG UPDATE: A party consisting of Lee, Sakura, Kon-El and Yzak (and later Dearka, cause he's a slow-ass) attempted to take on the Motherwang. It appears to have fused with Lee's soul. Guys, what the fuck? <-- you love it, bitch. <--- Waterwang tops you. <-- But not Sakura, because Sakura tops Lee. <-- With a waterwang. <--And the circle of life begins anew. <---And it moves us all? <--Certainly it moves Lee. If not, Sakura's doing it wrong. <-- Sakura tops us all.
edit Alternate Universe Sex
Whenever campers or counselors attempt to relieve their sexual tension, reality splits, flinging them into a new world in which they can sodomize (as is usually the case) to their hearts' content. Whether each sexual transgression creates its own AU or whether there is a single, shining Hentaiverse of pleasure and pain, no one knows.
What we do know, however, is that Itachi and Neji have created enough temporal anomalies to supply a season of Star Trek.
Apparently the AU was so powerful that it created a whole new
world AU. Funny, that.
edit Naruto's Ass
Naruto's proud ass
Withholds many mysteries
But not Sasuke.
- Riddle's lab
- A sandwich
- The limp shadow of a pickle
- Fragile butterfly wings
- More like fragile butterfly wangs. Oh, snap!
- Itachi's ninja scrolls
- The murder weapon
- Incoming campers
- Camp Fuck U Die
- The Alpha and Omega
- The entire Spanish Armada
- Amelia Earhart
- What the hell is this list?
- Things within Naruto's ass. It says so right at the top.
- Yeah, but when did this become something that warranted having a list?
- There was a fanfic. Or something.
- The above argument took place within Naruto's ass.
- The above can't really be considered an argument, but nevertheless took place within Naruto's ass.
- Fine then, the above interaction took place within Naruto's ass.
- That's better. Oh, and btw? The above correction took place within Naruto's ass.
- The statement below is true (and in Naruto's ass).
- The statement above is false (and in Naruto's ass).
- Jimmy Hoffa.
- Your mom.
- Yuusuke's mom, who rapes young children for their "hot, white cum."
- Kakashi's mid-life sexual awakening.
- Biz. Because of Super Taboo.
- My papers that my teacher lost.
- NOT the key to the Universe. That's in Ranma's.
- The Philosopher's Stone
- ...his prostate?
- transvestite Lapras creatures with Louis Vuitton handbags
- Every Digit of Pi
- A smaller, fetal Rock Lee clone... quietly incubating (in Naruto's ass)
A secret copy of Sasuke that is indeed not Sasuke cus Sasuke has never ventured in Naruto's ass cus he.Is.Sasuke.