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Zynga are a money scamming group of cunts that set up shop in 2004 to bring you such games that are actually shit, but because they are slightly better then average shitty flash games, they seem better then regular shit, while disguising itself from still being pure shit. However, they also have evil schemes going on behind the scenes! You find out the evil schemes behind Zynga's money scams when you give them money for something! They gladly take your money, then spin you around and fuck you in the ass till you shit for mercy.
edit Texas Cocksuckers Poker
At first glance at this poker game, it seems like it's cool to play, and you can play with your friends, and you seem to be making some Zynga money in the game, but it's actually a coding program that allows you to have a lucky streak when you first join up, just to suck you in and try to get you addicted. Thats when your luck ends and they begin the process of lubing up their tiny little dicks, back where you can't see them in the shadows. Now, if you can resist ever giving Zynga any money to buy chips from them, you will be ok, but they will hit you hard with shit-luck, designed at pissing you off until you lose all of your money. That's when they make sure that you can see everyone of the 666 ways to click on "purchase chips" and you think to yourself, "okay, 5 dollars for x amount of chips seems fair".
So you purchase the chips, only to find your shit-streak of bad luck has gotten even worse. So you decide you might try spending around $20 for a million chips, and once you have given Zynga at least 40 dollars, because the same process has happened again with your mysterious "shitty streak" that is when you decide, "fuck it, they ain't getting anymore money, i'll just play more carefully"... and they know you will do this, too... because that's when the mysterious survey appears that says it is "optional" but you find out it just will not go away by closing it, so you figure, you may as well fill it in to make it go away.
edit The Evil Survey
So you decide to fill out this mysterious survey, not knowing it's evil, and the questions at first seem fair to ask, such questions as, "how often do you play?" to "how can we improve the game"? ... but then they sneak in the evil question, the one they really want you to answer the most, a question that you think nothing of, until after you have answered it. It says, "Will you purchase chips from Zynga again?" and you click "no".
That's when the evil that has been lubing up in the shadows, starts wanking off furiously and summons a million evil Zyna-Bots out to follow your every move. Think of it like when that bitch from the DEA wanted to bust Tommy Chong, everyone knew it was bogus and wrong, but when the government really wanna crucify someone, they will do it, no matter who stands in their way... well, it's the same thing here, the Zynga-Bots will follow your every little move while you play poker, and the moment you type a naughty word into the chatbox, look like you did something wrong, or politely asked the dealer to please change her clothes that she has been wearing the same one of for 18 months, then BAM, kiss your account goodbye, you are now BANNED. You will not be suspended, no, that is a bullshit myth only seen on FAQ pages that state "click here to find out why my account was suspended".
You will be banned for absolute bullshit reasons. Like you may have an avatar up that says "How Dare I Use This Fucking Avatar"... do you find that offensive? No, me either, in-fact, no one has had a problem with that avatar for the 18 months you have been playing the game. Then, all of a sudden, once you clicked that "No you cunts of Zynga will never get another cent from me", your next game, you are about to win a jackpot in a tournament, and just as you know you have this one in the bag.... "CONNECTION TERMINATED, YOU ARE BANNED FROM ZYNGA TEXAS RUN BY COCKERS POKER"
edit Zynga Customer Support
Well, now you have been banned. You think at first, no this must be a mistake, so you click refresh... then click refresh about 100 more times, but it still says you are banned. You wonder now if you have been hacked, or if it's a server problem, but no, you can wait 100 years and try any computer around the world to log in on, you aint getting in, cause you really have been banned... most likely by some born again christian dweeb, probably, named, oh lets say, CORNILIOS (what kinda cock-sucking name is that?) who most likely finds the word "pooh" to be blaspheme, but hasn't god a clue that he is working for the DEVIL himself.
So, you have click the contact Zynga's troubleshooter spots, and then click a billion other useless things before you get to actually email off a "what da fuck up wit dis shit, man?" to Zyngas customer support. You then send it, and receive an instant message back that says, "thank you for contacting Zynga, your message has been received, and a Zynga cocksucker will be with you within 48 hours to piss you off".
Your first reply usually comes back quick, but you know right away you are dealing with a bunch of fuck heads when the man who sucks massive amounts of dick named CORNILIOS replies back and says, "Ok, I'm not looking into why you where banned, I'll get back to you shortly"..... 48 hours later... "it's because you looked at the dealer the wrong way, and we suspected you where sexually harassing her, maybe if you write a formal apology to her, and agree to a restraining order, we can reactivate you... oh, by the way, your avatar is offensive.
edit BULLSHIT CONFLICTS
Okay, the whore I can stay away from, I don't fuck girls who wear the same cloths for 3 years... god knows what kinda god awful smell shed smell like taking off that jacket and getting her legs open and finding what you find from a girl who has been sitting still for 3 years and never taking a coffee break to go take a leak, or a shit, or change her pads, or ... euhhh, lets not think about that.
So, MY AVATAR IS OFFENSIVE IS IT? So, you write back a letter saying, "Fine, I will change it. But why couldn't you suspend me, and ask me to change the picture? As BANNING is really a pretty fucked up thing to do, especially when your policies say NOTHING about "TEXT BASED avatars"... not only have I used that same avatar for 3 years now, NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE has ever been offended by it... so who was it who complained about it? Because that avatar is perfectly OKAY on FACEBOOK, where it comes from, BUT, on ZYNGA,m Gods of the FUCKING UNIVERSE ON WHATS APPROPRIATE think otherwise. So I got BANNED, because no one has the intelligence at ZYNGA to come up with an option that says "DO NOT USE MY FACEBOOK AVATAR AS MY ZYNGA ONE"... wouldn't that make A LOT of sense? Why it takes ZYNGA customer support so long to get back to you
So my reply back is "we have the right to do what we want, when we want, even if it's not written in the rules yet, we get to change the rules when we please, so NAH NAH NAH NAH... we are know getting someone to UNBAN your account, now that you changed that naughty little picture you had up with that naughty little word. We will get back to you within the next 48 hours.
So, 48 hours goes by, I sent a "you said 48 hours, it's now 55 hours, wheres my resolution? The reply back is "Sorry, we understand your frustration, I have attached your message to the cocksucker handling your case, and he will get back to you very shortly.
48 hours later... 55 hours later, 2 weeks later... 4 weeks later.... So you write back, "You said 48 hours was all it would take to get back to me and re-activate my account, why does it have to be handled by the same incompetent fuckwit I first had the displeasure of randomly receiving my case, give me someone who can do this NOW, not someone who should have his balls forced into a blender and set on high while making him watch all the kiddy porn that gets him hard.... and stop telling me every-time I re-send a message it causes response time to be pushed back... you pricks where supposed to fixed this LAST MONTH.
Another month of this same shit goes by, and FINALLY, FINA-FUCKING-LY, I get a message saying, "You are now re-activated, you can log in now and resume play.
edit FUCK YOU, ZYNGA, YOU MONEY SCAMMING CUNTS
So, finally, the hassle is OVER. I can relax, and log in again, and get back to playing poker with my millions of dollars in poker chips that I paid for and enjoy a ...*record scratches to a stop*.... why does my account say -$1000, level 0 and no achievements? Guess I have to send another GOD DAMN FUCKING EMAIL to the cock-heads of ZYNGA.
So you send in, "Hi, ME AGAIN, ASSHOLES. WHERES ALL MY SHIT GONE?"... 48 hours later, 55 hours later, a week later, 2 weeks later... now I get a reply, "So if we understand you correctly, your chips have been stolen, we take that very seriously, and I will now pass your case onto some more incompetent fucks then we are" ... wait, what? I never said anything about stolen chips, I said ZYNGA has fucking taken them... a week later, "Oh ok, sorry for the mix up, yeah, ummm, once your banned, you're fucked"... so you send a letter back explaining how you PAID for your chips, with your REAL life money, and never had a chance to use them. If they will not give you your chips back, then they can just give you the money back you bought them with. Funny, now responses come quick, "No, its ours, you cant have it back, you broke the rules"... I DIDNT BREAK ANY RULES, YOU CUNTS MADE UP YOUR OWN RULES. their reply is "Tough shit, now fuck off"
edit Death to Zynga
If any of this has ever happened to you, then on this very pages discussion page, sign up for the "Death to Zynga employees" and keep your ears out, for the wider we grow, the more people we will know, and the more people we will be able to find out if they know of someone who knows of someone who knows someone who works for Zynga, particularly the ones named CORNILIOUS, and when we find them, we will gather together, and hunt down these evil Zynga bastards, we will kick their houses doors in, and murder them in the most violent ways, and then kill their families, and their pets and anyone within a 40 mile radius (unless you signed up on the list here) and we will take our revenge, and laugh manically as we dance in their blood and squish their still beating hearts in the palms of our hands... oh, it will be a glorious site to see.
And that will teach those mother fuckers at Zynga, not to fuck with me, and my $40.13 that they would not give back to me... i mean, us... you, or well, not you, him, or me, or no .. to the victims of Zynga. Lets take back what is rightfully ours...
edit Mafia Wars
Don't even get me started on this....