User:Maniac1075/Shawn Michaels

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Maniac1075/Shawn Michaels.

The Broke Back Kid - Shawn Michaels, also known as H.B.Gay is a retired American Professional Wrestler, who now stars in his own porno blog titled "Got Dick Milk?". BBK rose to fame in the mid 90's when he and his tag-team partner Preparation-H turned the world of professional wrestling upside down by allowing gays into the company and having a "who has the biggest dick" contest held in between the 5 minutes of actual wrestling time during WWF taping's... unfortunately HBGay and Preparation-H always had to bow out to another wrestler with a much bigger wang named Mangyna.

edit Acting Career


HBGay Posing For Mens Asses Monthly, December 1995

From an early age, Shawn was obsessed with other men's asses. And it was only natural that Shawn would go into gay pornography when he turned the legal age of 12. He was hired by producer Micheal Jackson to star in his first movie entitled, "Moonie Porker" where Shawn adopted the stage name "H.B.Gay". The porno movie was the first ever fully homosexual pornographic production, and was also the second ever porno film made, next to the original heterosexual comedy Debbie Does Dallas - Shawn went on to do several more films for Jackson, such as "Lord Of The Rim Jobs", "It Came In My Inner Space", "Bad Taste", "Meet The Ass Eaters", "Anal Head" & the critically acclaimed "Leave It, It's Beaver" which Michaels won the 'Best Leading Man In A Goatsie Scene' award for.

Michaels decided he wanted more action and raw mens ass' in his life, so he contemplated moving his career into Professional Wrestling, where he could meet other gay men of his caliber, plus he really liked the fact that the WWF had bears, and he really liked bears... and twinks.

edit World Wildlife Foundation


HBK delivering a kick to his World Wildlife Foundation opponent

Shawn then went to New York city to apply for a position with the World Wildlife Foundation. He walked into the office of Vince McMahon and asked if they had any openings available he could fill. Vince took one look at the scrawny kid, and said he seemed a bit too small in stature to be working for such a company. Shawn was always a cocky and confident man, and said to Vince, "Look, I may not have a huge body like some of your talent here, but I do have it where it counts" and Michaels proceeded to stand up and show Vince his penis. Vince took one look at package of Michaels and froze, then his eyes glowed, he licked his lips, and he gave off a drooling smile that certainly impressed Vince. Vince then told Shawn, "Ok, i'll take you for a test run in my bedroom tonight, I'll invite my good buddy Fat Patterson to join in the festivities, and if I like what I taste, you've got a position for the company" - Shawn accepted the deal and shook Vince's hand and the rest was history.

Shawn made his debut shortly after with another wrestler named "Marty Genetalias" who Vince thought he and Shawn would look cute as a couple on the fag-team circuit, since they had already looked even cuter in threesomes with him in his office during Vince's infamous "cattle calls." Over the next few months, Shawn and Marty had developed great chemistry together (including chemicals contained in body-fluids) and they where quickly rising the fag-team ranks as high contenders for the WWF Fag Team titles. The two would have several matches together, and each match they competed in, they just seemed to get better and better. The alliance between the two where called, "The Cuckers" and it wasn't long before they where fan favorites, and found themselves competing for the belts at the next PPV, "Swallowmaia" - The Fuckers earned a match on the card against the champions, "The Fart Foundation" who consisted of Bret "The Shitman" Fart, and Jim "The Anal" Ridefart, along with their manager, Jimmy "The My Mouth that Goes South" Fart. It was a classic confrontation, asses where definitely filling seats that night to see the long awaited showdown. In the end, it was the Fart Foundation that prevailed. Due to interference of another tag team, Lick & Bitch, "The Bush Wankers" who came down to ring side holding Jake Roberts's penis to clobber both tag teams ass's with... the following week the Fart Foundation and Fuckers took on the Wankers and Jake's Penis in a "No Glove, No Love" match... Jakes penis was the victor, which was the first time it had gone solo before, which pissed off Jake Roberts, as he wasn't even invited to the match.

A rematch was held the following month during the "Saliva Series" where The Fuckers would be victorious over the Fart Foundation with a stunning display of ass rimming tactics, and win their first tag team title. They held the belts together on and off for the next 3 years, but soon Shawn was starting to feel that tag teaming was not what satisfied him the most. He wanted to venture into the one on one division, and test his solo skills against men's asses in a different tactic.... plus Shawn really fancied The Big Cock Man who was only in singles competition.

During an episode a WWF segment at the time called "The Barbour Shop", hosted by wrestler Brutas "This Barbour Wants To Eat Your Beefcakes", who would interview wrestlers while he trimmed their pubes for them, Shawn and Marty's fate as a tag-team would end. Shawn started talking about wanting to take on other men, and Marty was in disbelief that he wanted to end their marriage. While Marty's heart was breaking, Shawn delivered a super dick to Marty's ass that was later dubbed as Shawn's Signature Maneuver, "Sweet Rim Music" - the tag team and marriage was now over, and Shawn entered into singles competition as a heel, leaving Martys behind behind Marty who couldn't suck off anyone enough to keep his job after that.

Shawn went chasing after the WWF Intercontinental Breakfast Title, where he had his eyes set firmly on Bret Fart's ass, who had also recently gone solo when Jin "The Anal" Ridefart broke up with him without even a kiss goodbye. Shawn had several matches to earn his way up the ladder for Vince to peer up Shawn's ass, and Shawn soon got his chance to take on Bret Fart at the 1990 PPV event, "WWF In Your Ass" - The two would feud in a match that lasted over 1 hour, and the fans enjoyed the chemistry between these two so much, that they demanded they keep the match going for an extra 10 mins. Shawn eventually came out victorious, after Bret could not hold onto his load anymore and blew his load over half the 3rd row, Shawn broke down and cried while wiping the cum off his chin, as he held the I.B.C title in his arms.

Over the next few years, Shawn would develop feuds with not just Bret Fart and the Fart Foundation, but other names like "Big Dick Daddy Drool", "Gayder", "The Underwear-Taker", "Sexy Sid Delicious" and most notably "Razor RimBoner" who Shawn took on at WrestleFacial 13 in the first ever, "Ladder Up Your Ass" match. The match is regarded as revolutionary for a match involving a ladder that has to be completely inserted into your opponents ass for the win. When the match received the award for Best Match Of The Year the "Slammy In Your Fanny" awards, this enraged Shawn's jealous lover Bret Fart, saying that back in 1980 he had the first ever Ladder In The Ass match when he was working for his fathers company, "Cock Stampede Wrestling" - Bret openly challenged Shawn to a match to settle it once and for all by bending over and opening a gaping hole that he knew Bret couldn't resist taking a crack at once again. Vince McMahon did not like Bret doing this at all, and pleaded with Bret to just let it go and accept no one ever saw that damn match in 1980, therefor it did not exist. Bret would not drop the matter, and persisted in claiming it did happen, plus Shawn had such a cute ass!

edit D-Generation Sex


HBGay underneath the desk giving Nipple-H his wedding present

During this period, Shawn was forced to tag with fellow wrestler, Nipple-H in a match against The Underpants Taker and FagKind (also known as Dick Poley) - The two ended up forming a bond and gay relationship after the two disqualified themselves in the match and had to run away together, with Nipple-H's shemale body guard, "Mangyna" - The two of them really pissed off their opponents by ramming chairs up their own asses with no lubrication leaving the Hart Foundation with nowhere to sit down. They fled from the scene to hide together in the backstage closet. The two would then only come out together the following week of Rim You Raw to declare their engagement to the world.

A still pissed off Bret Fart confronted the two, and both HBGay and Preparation-H mocked Bret's words by doing childish antics and making sexual innuendos at each other, before they finally asked Bret to quietly leave the ring so they could make love to each other. Bret left the ring in disgust & jealousy as the two proceeded to show the world the big bazooka and the show stoppa while Chyna guarded the ring from any interference with an AK-47.

This invoked a lot of rage in the WWF locker rooms, and with Vince. Vince made it clear to the two that the WWF was not about love, it was about sex and violence and fined the couple $25,000. However when the ratings came in that week that the two 2.1 on air love for each other was attracting viewers, Vince decided maybe that was the way the company should go, and hence the "WWF Gratitude" era was born.

On the following house show of Raw Meat; Bret Hart called out HBGay and Nipple-H, but they did not show. Instead they appeared on the monitor with Chyna and Revolting Dick Nude. Together, they mocked Bret's words once again.Bret called them D-Generates, in which HBGay and Triple-H liked the name so much, they announced that they would continue having sex with each other, despite Bret's jealousy, and be known as D-Generation Sex, or De-Sexed for short.

D-Sex went on to mock the WWF, by wiping their asses with flags, hold up signs that read things like, "I'd Rather Be Behind Ya" and "Been There, Done That, Enjoyed That, Will Be Back For That" and made a mockery of everyone and everything in the WWF.

edit The Montreal Blowjob


Shawn delivering his finishing move: "Rim Music" fart blowing Bret off his feet

Shawn Michaels match with Bret Hart in Montreal, Canada is still remembered today as the most controversial match in history. Due to Bret's jealousy of Nipple-H and HBGays love affair, and not allowing him to ever join in or watch was all that Bret could handle. And Bret was also still pissed about the Ladder In The Ass match thing. Bret was asked many times by Vince to drop the topic and accept it has happened, but Bret's pride would not allow him to let go of it, and it was mentioned every time Bret got on microphone.

The match was soon underway, and HBGay and Bret Fart started their battle in a "First Man To Cum Loses" match. It was head-to-head job, ball to ball gagging action for a while, until the end of the match when HBGay was tugging away at Bret's penis with his mouth, that's when Vince yelled for the bell to ring prematurely. HBGay grabbed the belt and fled with the D-Sexed members back to the locker room. Bret looked at Vince in shock, noting to the crowed there was no cum stain on his tights or trapped between his teeth. He soon realized that he had been screwed over. Bret then jerked off and flicked it in Vince's eyes, he then trashed a few video monitors and left the ring with the rest of the Fart Foundation to have a cry about it. Bret left the WWF to work for "We Can't Wrestle" (WCW].

Vince quoted the reason for the screw job was Bret just was not doing what was right for the company, by persisting that he invented the ladder up the ass match and Vince repeated that Bret had no one to blame but himself, because Bret Fucked Bret! - Vince and Shawn admitted several years later that they had both planned the match to end like that, and HBGay still brags about screwing Bret over to this day. And also tells every one Bret was one of the worst lays he ever had... which is insulting to Bret Hart because Shawn has also had sex with Bret's mum!! And we all know how bad that is!

edit Wrestlefakia 69

De-Sexed where enjoying their run, and still making a mockery of the WWF when Shawn found that the #1 contender for the title to face him at Wrestlefakia was up-rising fan favorite, "Bone Em Cold" Steve Austin, who had a reputation of dropping illegal substances in wrestlers drinks to date rape them after shows. Also for the match would be the special guest referee, a former heavy-weight beat boxing champion and Street Fighter II warlord, Paddy "Iron Sheik" M. Bison. The two had many confrontations before the PPV, but it was Austin that would defeat HBGay at the event when Austin countered a Foul Rim Music and delivered a Bone-hole Cummer, that Bison counted the 3 count for and then allowed Austin to rape HBGays ass for several minutes after the final bell.

After the match, HBK's ass was fractured by Austins penis, and HBK had to leave the WWF not knowing if his ass would ever be able to return to wrestling action ever again. Austin became the main man for several years after that day. Austin would often taunt opponents by saying, "I'll fuck you in the ass so hard, you won't be able to shit right for a month, and if you really piss me off, i'll fuck you like i fucked HBGay's showploppa, and thats the bottom line, cause I just lined your bottom". Austin was also famous for his tag-phrase of "Austin 3:69," i.e. "I just fucked your ass."

edit The Return Of HBGay


Shawn prepares to drop a Cleavland Steamer

2 years after Shawn had left the WWF, he returned on a taping of the house show "Raw Rims" as a special announcement that he was now going to be the commissioner for the WWF, and be large and in charge of all matches scheduled.. plus he would be in charge of drug checks, where he would want to taste everyones Jesus juice once a month for traces of illegal substances. He was welcomed in by Vince who had started his own faction up called "The Dorkoration". They where the most hated faction at the time. HBGay also confronted Nipple-H who had broken his heart by not writing to him while he was recuperating after surgery, never sent him any flowers or candy, and had left him and the kids for his new lovers 'Sex-Pac', "Blow In My Ass" Billy Buns, and "The Load Sprogger" Jessie James, as well as sweet transvestite Chyna. HBK delivered a speech to Sex-Pac about warning him that no body steals his bitches and gets away with it. HBGay then set up a match between De-Sexed and The Dorkoration several times over the next few weeks.

In a match at Christmas time, Vince was away, and left his son Gaylord McMahon in charge, where Gaylord insisted he wanted a match with Sex-Pac with no Dorkoration interference. HBGay honored that rule, by holding back the Dorkoration while Gaylord got fucked in the ass by Sex-Pac in a humiliating loss. The following week on Raw Is A Bore, Vince McMahon fired HBGay for not letting the Dorkoration come to his sons rescue. The following week, HBGay returned to confront Vince that his contract was iron clad, and he was legally still commissioner of the WWF and told Vince that he lays down, for no man, he always wants to be on top, where he likes it, where he has full control of all depth and speed. Shawn also announced he had brought the "calvary" with him, And De-Sexed soon appeared behind him where HBGay felt most comfortable having them.

Later in the show Shawn was seen hugging the members of De-Sexed in a controversial moment where after he hugged them and kissed them goodnight, he left the building to go to a gay and lesbian Mardi Gras rally, but never made it, as the Dorkoration ambushed him outside the building and pounded him with large imitation Steve Austin finger puppet penis'. Also only a second after HBgay left the building, De-Sexed where heard saying bad things about Shawn, and quoted saying, "What goes around, comes back and fucks you in the ass".

HBGay recovered from the ambush, and returned a few weeks later still as WWF Commissioner, and helped get Dick Poley reinstated after he had been fired by Vince. He continued doing the role of commissioner until he was challenged by Bradshaw of the Ass-I-likes to a poker game for the contract as commissioner. Bradshaw won the match when his partner Far-Que slipped one of Austins date rape drugs in HBGays drink and had every wrestler on the roster come and have their way with Shawn, resulting in Bradshaw winning with a full house!!!

edit Trainer

HBGay started up a wrestling training group for a few years where he trained future gay prospects for a life in professional wrestling. Shawn trained such superstars as "Randy Porkin", "Bill Goldturd" & "Shawn 'Minty Meat' Gayseyack" - Many of these superstars made it as a professional wrestler in the WWF, WCW and Sesame Street. HBK would run his training gym for 4 years, before closing it down, as he had new plans for his future with his passion to get back in the ring and lick some men's ass again.

edit The Show Ploppa Is Back


HBGay showing everyone how wide his ass was stretched last night

In 2000 and something, HBGay returned to now WWWE (World Wildlife & Wrestling Entertainment) television. He confronted Nipple-H and his now husband, "Steven McMahon-Fanny" - HBGay and Big Nose-H confronted each other for a while in non-matches, then HBGay announced that doctors have said his ass is now healed up, and he has been given the all clear to return to active duty and allow it to get pounded once again. A match was booked between the two to face off finally at SummerGangBang. HBGay came out to screaming fans, seeing the long awaited return of the man known as many things, like the Fart Break Kid, The Blow Ploppa, The Excellence Of Back Dooring Execution, The one, the only, HBGay, Shawn Michaels. Shawn defeated Nipple-H and the two continued to feud over the next few years until the WWWE was split into two fractions: The Raw Assholes, And The Smackdown Hoes. Shawn was drafted to Raw, and Nipple-H went to Smackdownhoes. Their feuds ended there and then... oh and if you're wondering what happened to the other members of DX... Sex-Pac and Chyna ran off together to make a porno film titled "Sex-Pac films his dick for an hour with inserts of Chyna's dick for a few minutes" and the other two cock heads went to TNA, which is even more gayer then this entire article!

edit De-Sexed version 3.4


HBGay & Husband Nipple-H Doing There Devastating Finisher "The Stink-agree"

Sometime in 2005, Vince McMahon sent a group of his gay cheerleader men to bitch slap HBGays penis after Vince was ticked off at Shawn for not returning a library book he had borrowed under Vince's name, and HBKs refusal to pay the 50 cent late fee left the chairman fuming with rage. A week later Vince confronted Nipple-H that he too had an overdue library book, and he owed Vince a total of 75 cents, and if he did not pay it, the same thing that he did the week before to HBGay would happen to him with extra punishment for the 25 cents more then HBGays overdue fee's. Nipple-H refused to pay the late fee, and Vince sent the GaySquad to take on Preparation-H and give him an even worse punishment of a Chinese Burn to his left testicle. Big Nose was winning for a while, but then the rest of the Gay Squad started to beat down Nipple-H and it looked like the may actually get to administer the devastating maneuver. Vince realized one of the Gay Squad wasn't present, and called for him to come from backstage and help his fellow fags. But the extra poof didn't show, Vince called him again, and suddenly he appeared, limp, and falling to the ground at Vince's feet. It looked like someone had broken his asshole in 6 different places! Vince then saw HBGay emerged from the backstage area, Shawn looked Vince right in the brown-eye, the penis slapping incident had not delivered the blow Vince thought it had, and soon HBGay was running down the isle to the aid of his former lover.

Shawn and Big Nose fought off the gay Squad and celebrated their re-uniting, and the rebirth of the original lovers of D-Generation Sex!

The following week Shawn and Big Nose made it official, by waltzing under the WWWE spot light in the middle of the ring to the theme of Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairies and despite efforts from Vince, Gaylord and the Gay Squad, De-Sexed where back in love and together again, and making a mockery of the wrestling world once more. Soon they would announce that they where getting married again for the second time.

edit Wrestling After Being D-Sexed

Nipple-H fell pregnant to Shawn, and was forced to take maternity leave from active duty for a few months. During this time, HBK dropped the De-Sexed thing, and went into singles competition again. Nipple-H would return 9 months later, but the two only joined forces a few times as De-Sexed for special events when they just can't bare to be without each other anymore. They both went solo again in 2 separate of the now 3 factions. HBGay has had many a feuds now with other gay men, one of the most popular in recent years was when he was tagged up with Hulk Boner for a match they won, then Shawn turned on Hulk to take him on at the next PPV, which he lost, but stated: "I love my dear husband, but I just had to know what you tasted like".

Shawn and Nipple-H today are still as in love as ever before, Nipple-H is still competing against other mens asses in the WWWEm but Shawn has now retired his asshole which is now only reserved for his wifes big bazooka and they plan to live happily ever after, or until ratings need them to divorce once more.[1]

edit In wrestling

  • Finishing moves
    • Sweet Rim Music: Shawn will proceed to stand in the corner of the rim, stimulating his penis that he likes to call, "Warming Up The Hand" and then when is fully erect, will slap it against the floor, taunting his opponents to get up. Shawn will then proceed to ram his knob into his opponents ass so hard, that it results in hitting a nerve, in their anus, causing them to lose control and have an unexpected bowel movement that gives Shawn the opportunity to pin them for a 3 count.
  • Signature moves
    • Nacho Man Ball Drop: When Shawn has his opposition laid out on the ground. Shawn will climb the top ropes, and jump off delivering an elbow-drop to the person's testicles in which can often result in the balls being sent back into the victims groin, up the intestines and out of their nose.
    • Atomic Back Drop: No one really knows why it was called "Atomic", but Shawn would stand behind his opponent, put one of their arms over his shoulder, grab them in a wedgie to lift them up, then fall backwards to drop them on the floor proceeding to tickle their anus in hopes they submit.
    • Flying Elbow: When running Shawn will jump in the air like Superman, and deliver an elbow to the their face or chest, then spin around in the air and give a crotch chop telling them to "Suck It" before he hits the ground and forces his opponents to actually suck it!
    • Missile Drop Kick: When Shawn tagged with Marty Genetailia, they would often climb to the top of the turnbuckles, and jump off to drop-kick their challengers in the testicles. Much of the time, Marty would bodge-fuck the move, and break his falls with his own testicles.
    • Fucker Sucker: It was so long ago since The Cockers where a tag-team that no one really remembers what this double-team move was anymore. It's vaguely remembered as something that involved a gerbil, a 14 inch dildo, half tub of lube and a prepaid in advance all night reservation at the Heartbreak Hotel.

edit Footnotes

  1. WWE also released a video for Bret The Shitman Fart that included actual footage of Bret being in the first ever Ladder Up Your Ass match in 1980 that proved that Bret was telling the truth all along! Vince and Shawn's response to it was simply, "Oh well, Shit happens".
2. Shawn currently resides in Manassas.
Personal tools