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“That song "Basket Case" was a real disappointment. When I first saw the title, at first I got all excited, because I thought it would be about baskets and how he is trying to decorate one but cant quite get the right colour of linen. Turned out it was nothing like I imagined.”
“What you need to do, is shine that thing up real nice for The Rock, then take it in your fatty little fingers, turn that sum bitch sideways, and stick it straight up, your candy ass”
“Nothing sounds more delightful then a couple of 12 year olds singing about "doing it" all night”
“Don't worry abut a condom, babe. I'm on the pill!”
“In recent news, Paris Hilton has gotten 3 of her girlfriends pregnant! It was a mystery how a lesbian encounter knocked up 3 of the whores best friends, but upon investigation, it was found that Paris had sucked so much dick in the last month, she had 7lbs of male semen stuck between her teeth that managed to drool out of her mouth and into the 3 unsuspecting whores vagina's... and now hears Tom with the weather”
“My ex-wife always says she will "try anything once" - My suggestion to her was to try out suicide”
Everythingincluding that wordand that wordand that wordand this word?FUCK YOU!!!
I've been thinking about death lately, and how I want to go when the times come to go. And I have decided that the way I would like to go, is the "Electric Chair!".
Why the Electric Chair? Because when you are on "Death Row", you are granted a final meal, which can be anything you want, anything at all. My final meal would be a great big barrel of butter! I would use a spoon and eat that entire barrel of butter like it was Ice cream. I wouldn't waste a single dollop. Then when I'm done eating the butter, I would swallow as many un-popped pop-corn seeds as I could.
Then when it comes to fry, and they flick the switch .... :D
Having nothing else to do and being seeming to find himself alone, a child creates his own world. After a first failed attempt he tries again and sets up a plan to receive as much praise and adulation as he can. By setting unreasonable expectations and temptations he ensures his creation goes haywire from the start. After magically creating everything he institutes incest as a means of propagation. Time goes by and is a fit of petulance he breaks his toys. Drowns the lot and begins everything for the third time again via incest, which seems to run prevalent as a theme for growth. Soon, his favorite people are enslaved and in very Kryptonian fashion he sets a baby loose in a stream to save it from destruction, and gives it new parents. This kid frees his people then gets lost , only to die just as he gets to where it took 40 years for him to find. This style of murder, rape and incest especially if the main character doesn't get his way, drags on till the kid sends himself down to be his own father by raping a virgin. After 33 years he decides that in order for everyone to love him, he'll feed himself to his followers, beat himself up, kills himself and come back to himself. His followers ruin every town they visit by spreading this outrageous faery tale until the final character locks himself in a cave with hallucinogenics, writes a bizarre horror story to threaten the world with torture unless they believe this crap and thousand of years of wars ensue by those who feel everyone must believe this is a real story. An intellectual dumbing down of man kind follows, and 2000 years later people are still dying overt his poorly written contradictory story about a spoiled selfish whiney little child who throws massive temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Give this one a miss I'd recomend the Lord of the Rings.
edit Image of Virgin Mary Discovered in Cunt Cheese
Over the centuries various images of the Virgin Mary have appeared in places that many believe to be miracles. Such examples are crying statues, images in wood ripples, and grilled sandwiches. However today some big ole fat bitch in Arkansas was in the process off taking her half yearly bath, when she was sitting down to pull the cheese apart that infested her vagina when she noticed a vivid image of the mother Mary drinking a 7-up had appeared. Local news reporters flocked to take pictures of what is being labeled the "Holy Mooter". Even Catholic officials and Pope Benedict have been observing the miraculous wonder up close, declaring the image to be a genuine sign from God. They then blessed her cheesy cunt, shed a few tears at the site, then headed down to Taco Bell for some lunch.
edit I wouldn't piss on you if you where on fire?
The old phrase is a very commonly used one at that, but taking some time-out to analyze this phrase, it leaves the question to ponder; when would you piss on someone when they are on fire? Now, imagine for a moment, that you are on fire... and your friend's first initial thought to help you extinguish the flames is to urinate on you. Quite frankly, I can not figure out a single scenario where pissing on someone to put out the fire would be the first and only rational way to help this situation. If I was on fire, and my friends decided to piss on me to put it out, i'd want different friends.
Even if you where in a situation, on fire, and there was no water or blankets etc. to throw on the fire, the best method would be to get them to drop to the ground and roll around. This would work in any situation and climate condition, from City living to being stuck in the Sahara desert (where you could also use sand to extinguish the flames). So where does the logic of pissing on someone if they where on fire come from?
Lets also picture the scenario; what if you where on fire, and your friend said, "I will piss on you to douse the flames" and you agree to this... but they get stage fright and can't urinate on you quick enough, that it leaves you with 3rd degree burns that could have been avoided if your friends where able to piss on you in time. This is just an odd phrase that has not been thought out very well. So one would think the more logical term would be "I wouldn't help you, even if you where on fire" but such is life.
edit Grandpa Loves Me Still
You ever lose a loved one. Like for example, your grandpa dies. Then the next time you are masturbating, you get this feeling like he is now a ghost, watching you right now. It kind of ruins the moment, but then you feel a cool breeze blow against your asshole, and cum IMMENSELY?
|Biopic of the Week
What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month.
I dedicate this award to you George Carlin. Even tho you never knew me, you never heard of me, and never knew I even existed... I forgive you for that.