User:Maniac1075/Kid Rock

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Hi, My name is KIDDDDDDDDDDDD Rock, whats yours?

~ Robert Bitchie

edit Kid Rock

Kid Rock is a DJ that dedicates himself to making pop-rock songs for the adolescent youth of America. He came to fame in 1998 after the Australian invasion on American soil from The Wiggles and decided America could make it's own kiddie rock 'n' roll hits.

edit History Of Rock

Kid Rock was born in Bedrock, located just outside the Neverland Ranch. As a child he grew up in a rough area of the "hoods" of South Dakota where he learned his street smarts and how to count to 4. His mother was very strict that he had to eat all his vegetables, or he would get no desert before bed. Kid would rebel against this form of abuse and started a protest at the age of 9 with his best friend Uncle Kracka. His Uncle was a 75 year old man who was always happy for Kid to come and spend some quality time with him. Uncle Kracka showed the Kid the special secrets of life that he made Kid promise to never tell anyone else about, if he never told anyone else, then the deal was he got as much desert after dinner as he liked.

When Kid was 18, he quit his job at the beauty salon to peruse a career as a DJ where he could give back to the kids in song what his uncle had taught him. He called himself Kid Rock, being inspired by the Australian terrorists, the Wiggles. Kid got together with his friends and family and began writing main stream rock n roll songs for children.

edit Music Sounds Career

Kid launched his Toy-Co labeled album, "Fairy Bread For Breakfast" to critical acclaim, saying it was the most influential album directed towards 5 year old's since Kriss Cross released their 1992 album "Krossed Out" that featured a bunch of 9 year olds singing about "doing it" all night long.

Rock's #1 single from the album, "Bawidibahdongadangdiggeediggysomethingyaddayaddaupjumptheboogie" positioned itself at #1 for 13 weeks on the American billboard charts where it remained from the love of children buying the catchy lyric song, but confusing the parents and older generations as to what the hell the song meant. Investigation into the lyrics showed it was just incoherent rant that kids would buy into, but some people today still believe the song has hidden subliminal messages of hate directed towards Kid Rocks father, however these accusations have never been proven.

Kid's next album, "History Of Dwayne Johnson" launched Kid's next hit single "I wanna be a Cowboy" that went multi-platinum over night. Kid was inspired by the Hulk Hogan #1 hit song, "I Wanna Be a Hulkamaniac", and the movie, "Brokeback Mountain".

In 2001 he broke new ground with the album, "Socky" that was dedicated to the late great rapper "Lamb Chops" from "Lamb Chops Play Along". The album featured several children hits such as "What I Learned In American History Class", "Walking the Dog, Baby", "I Drink Koolaid In The Morning" and the #1 single in country and western charts sung with "Barney The Dinosaur", "Finger Painting Pictures". The album has sold over 17 copies since it's release and is regarded as the best selling Kid Rock album to date.

edit Early Morning Story Pimp's Breakfast Show

In 2005 Kid Rock reached new heights when he began hosting a morning show for children called "Kid Rocks Early Morning Story Pimp Breakfast Show" where he now called himself the Story Pimp Of the Nation. He would pimp out story's to children each morning about Jesus enjoying rock & roll with his side-kick Eminem. The show also features cartoons, cooking adventures with Mary Jane & Kid's ex-wife Pamela Anderson who teaches the children how to count up to the number 2. The show is currently still on air, and has became much more exciting since a rival show started up in 2008 called "Tommy Lee Dreamers World Of Wonders".

Kids rivalry with Tommy Lee has been dated from way back as far as 2001 when Kid Rock offered the talented Pamela Anderson $150 more then Tommy Lee was paying her, plus he threw in a free batch of magical hepatitis-C that the blond bombshell could not turn down. When Pammy joined the Kid Rock Show, it left a bitter disgruntled Tommy Lee without any one to teach the children the 2nd number of the numeric alphabet. Tommy declared Kid Rocks show nothing but a complete rip-off of "Romper Room" to which Kid Rock denies ripping off, but "sampling" parts of that show and mixing it up.

edit Presidential Campaign

Currently Kid has announced he will be running for President of the United States of America in 2013. He hopes to win the election to have the power of greyskull on his side to fight off the evil forces of Tommy Lee and his group of anarchy heart kick starters. Kid also wants to lower tax on Koolaid and legalize homosexual rights to gamble. Kid's cabinet is made up of several of Kid's closest friends, with his side kick Emenim, Barny, Uncle Kracker, Pammy and Jesus, he hopes to win the election by a landslide victory and celebrate at Disneyland. His campaign trails involve a free pixie sticks to everyone in attendance, and a free luncheon of coffee & grit sandwiches.

Kid rock will be running against the steroid party lead by Hulk Hogan who is running in the election to impose rights to stop people from sampling his songs.

edit Discography

  • Fairy Bread For Breakfast (1997)
  • What I Learned In American History X Class (1998)
  • Jesus Without Menopause (2001)
  • Socky (2003)
  • Kid Rock 'n Roll & Jesus (2005)
  • Live At Neverland (2009)
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