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Celebrity Loads 'R Us
Your #1 source for
Celebrity mix and match sperm!

Harry Muff and King Rodney started the franchise "Harry's Cum As You Are" in 1993. They got the idea for it after seeing the launch of Jelly Bellies in Australia where you could just mix and match the flavors you wanted. Harry had the idea that if one could select a custom combination of flavors of Jelly Bellies for a snack, then why couldn't one do the same thing with various donors' sperm for artificial insemination?

edit Celebrity Sperm Bank Of The Stars

Rodney had recently tried to help out his good friend Yana Vent and her husband Nick Narnah by helping them conceive a baby. It took a few weeks of Rodney helping them out and dumping a few hundred round's of cum-u-nition inside Yana's box jelly fish before Rodney thought to mention that he had had a vasectomy performed on himself three years earlier.

But it wasn't a complete waste of time, as Rodney's good friend, Harry Muff, who was a deep-sea diver, had just come up with the idea of taking a collection of two celebrities' ejaculate, and mixing them up in a high-tech special way that had undergone many months of research in order to produce the best genetically spliced combination sperm cell.

Once they got the two celebritie's sperm cells and shook the shit out of them in a bottle together, they were ready to be injected up a ladies snatch-crackle & pop and nine months later a half and half, mix and match-styled baby would pop out of the carrier.


The first successful combo of Arnold & Wayne Gardner, shown here in a picture of him taken in 2006

edit First Successful Combination

Nick & Yana Fuckin Narnah Vent made the very first choice of the Celebrity Sperm Bank of the Stars. Their choice was to combine Arnold Schwarzenegger's sperm with that of Wayne Gardner. In due time, Yana gave birth to a muscly little cunt who can drive a motor bike really fast.

edit The Business Is a Hit

When news broke out about Yana's successful insemination, every woman who wanted to have a frozen-pop combo was lining up around the block to get into the new celebrity sperm bank. Within the first six months, Rodney & Harry had over 67,000 clients, and over 11,000 celebrities donating sperm for them to be used.



edit Harry and Rodney Talk About the Success of the Business

Harry Muff: I think I always knew I'd probably end up doing something successful in the field of sperm. I remember when I was a kid I used to jerk off all the time, and this one time, I was up in a tree tuggin' myself off, when the neighbor came by! He yelled out to me, "Get down out of that ya little bastard. You shouldn't be up there tuggin' yourself off up in a tree, because every-time you tug yourself off, you waste good sperm that could have become a policeman or a Fireman, maybe even a doctor". At that moment I tugged myself right off, I said, "You're right, there goes an acrobat!".

2001-10-10 c1


King Rodney: I never really pictured myself as being a "sperm" salesman, I always wanted to be a Sunday School teacher myself. But I felt I owed Yana and her husband something for letting me have a little root with them every weekend for a month, and I forgot to tell 'em I had a vasectomy two years ago. So when Harry came to me and asked if I wanted to help invest some ...ummm... "deposits" to help get his idea for the business off the ground, I was more then happy to contribute what I could, and I have been doing so since it first opened.

Harry and Rodney's policy for the sale of celebrities' sperm is "First Cum, First Served"

edit Successful Combinations

Here are some of the succesful celebrity sperm combinations that have been found over the years:

Result: An ugly little baby with the biggest cock you have ever seen.
Result: A poofter that could beat the shit out of you.
  • Millie-Vanillie & Bannarama's sperm.
Result: a Fuckin' smoothie.
Result: a big ear that can dance well.
Result: A cannibal who leaves a tip.
Result:A huge nose who in school is always saying, "pick me, pick me".

edit Not-so-successful Combinations

Result: a baby that could hang off the ceiling by his lips.

Wasn't a very good choice to combine the sperm of Rolf and the fat guy from Lost

  • Memeber of the Hell's Angels mixed with a Jehovah Witnesss sperm;
Result: a kid that grows up, knocks on your door, and tells YOU to "fuck off".
  • Bannanrama & The Rockmellon's
Result: a fruit salad.
Result: a Garden.
Result: a complete bullshit-artist.
Result: a big fat-cunt with 3 legs.
Result:a streak of shit.

edit Locations


The combo of Freddy Mercury and Mike Tys.... wait a minute, is anyone else noticing something odd about the pics of these offspings?

Harry's Cum As You Are outlets can be found at Harry'

edit Donations

Donations of sperm are always welcome. Celebrity sperm is most valued, but any old Joe can send in his donations to be frozen and packaged for poofters' TV dinners across the world.

edit See Also

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