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Hey, welcome to the Beetlejuice page. I'm your ghostess with the mostess, and your dearest dead guy host, Beetleguise! Say it once, say it twice, third time people will probably be alarmed you're saying it and expecting me to show up. What am I to you, Bloody Mary? That was just a film for heaven sakes, and hells. Look, first let me hock a loogie into my inner jacket pocket... nice one! I'll save that one for later! Well kids, before we start, I guess you are probably wondering why the page, and the movie I was in, is called "Beetlejuice", but my name is actually Beetleguise?. Well, sure I could answer that, but first, I want out of this page, and you can help me. You see, in order for me to get out into your world again, I gotta get hitched. So, if you are a 4ft 2inch black haired goth chick, flat boobs, and into shoplifting, then stick around and get to know me better. We can get married and conciliate the marriage, possess a few kids, and buy some goldfish for our Sandworm to have aplay date with. Hey, I know what you're thinking, why would someone as famous as me wanna marry little old you? To be perfectly honest, I don't care about the money and fame, I just needa get laid, Ok? Being dead has it's perks, sure I can change my penis into a 100ft long snake and make you howl at the moon, but you know what? Oh look a cockroach, yummy. It's just been really hard on me since I made that movie and that witch-doctor bitch shrunk my head to the size of a peanut. Do you know how hard it is to get laid now? Not only am I a dead fuck, but now I look like a reverse midget. I look like Pinhead from those god awful Puppet Master flicks. So whatta ya say, help a demon out, huh? I gotta get back to the real world, and get my head back, heck, to hell with having to be a 4ft tall gothic shoplifter, anyone will do, I'm desperate here, come on we can work out a deal, every guy want's a little head, I'm perfect for ya!
edit It was Showtime
I guess you also wanna know how that movie came to be? Well, ya know, Tim Burton approached me and said, "Hey, Beetleguise, wanna be in a movie?" so I said. "Sure"!
edit More Showtime
After the movie, Tim came up to me again and said, "Hey, Beetleguy, wanna voice yourself in a cartoon series about you?". I said, "Sure, good thinking, since you had that bitch shrink my head, this could work out very well for me!"
edit Finding Work Since
Put it this way, I intend to possess Tim Burton's daughters now because that son of a bitch has type-cast me. I did Beetlejuice, and then the TV series for him, and now, I can't get any work going for me what-so-ever. I was fucked over by Tim after Beetlejuice, especially when I auditioned for the role of The Joker... twice! First back in 1989. Now I can understand that, Jack Nicholson was a hell of a golfer, so I let that one go, ya know, he had that goin' for him. But when I auditioned in 2005 for The Joker again, they gave the role to Heath Fucking Ledger. Come on, what's with the living? That son of a bitch stole the role I was perfect for. Then after he was done, I got to meet him shortly after. He was in the cue for the recently deceased and I was in the cue for recently disturbed after finding out Winona Ryder won an academy award.
I tried out for many roles since, I even proposed a few shows that got rejected. "Leave it, it's Beaver-juice", "Married with possessed Children" & Three Dead Men and Rosemary's Baby, but no, Tim Burton fucked me over, because now everyone thinks I am a one dimensional character. Damn Hollywood, and to here with Burton. That sunovabitch has promised me a sequel to Beetlejuice since 1993, and all he keeps doing is remaking old films. Did you see Wonka? How could you choose to make THAT over ME? Ok, wait, come back. I know I sound a bit bitter, so I'll try to relax a little, here have a fly, it's on the house. free of charge. And I promise there is no traces of Jeff Goldblum in it.
edit Nice Fucking Model
- honk honk*
edit The B Man's Bio
Well, I was born in Pittsburgh in 1808. I was in the entertainment business. Then I died in 1834. Leaving behind 6 kids. The bloodlines have remained strong in show business, as my great, great, great nefue broke into the entertainment business and kept yours truly' name. You probably seen him on Howard Stern or Colgate commercials. the one's that promote what your teeth will look like if you don't brush the things.