User:ManEatingBadger

It is a violation of federal, state, and/or international law to view this article.
Thus, YOU MAY NOT VIEW THIS ARTICLE. Violators will be punished with instant decapitation and a $20,000 fine.

This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory of which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence. The black helicopters are ^not _^on their way.

This user enjoys staring at spinning objects. They may be afflicted with Attention Deficit look at the birdie!.
You can help by paying for their Ritalin, or finding them a kitten to play with.

FBI WARNING:

The FBI is monitoring this webpage. If you are here, they're already coming to get you, you sick Commie bastard!

This entire page is Top Secret. Please avert your eyes.

“I made love to a badger once... oh, wait, is this on?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Badgers at a Catholic convention; this slip-up later formed the basis for future allegations of homosexuality

“In Soviet Russia, Man-Eating Badger EAT YOU!”
~ Joseph Stalin on Man-Eating Badgers

“Talk about redundant...”
~ NASA on the above quote

“Hey, look! A puppy!”
~ President George W. Bush on a Common Man-Eating Badger he saw on White House grounds

“Uh, no, sir, that looks like a Man-Eating Badger. Better run back to your Iraq coloring book.”
~ Nearby Secret Service agent's advice on Man-Eating Badgers to President George W. Bush

This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
5 years and 21 days.

4	This user has written 4 articles because they like to keep busy while shirking real life responsibilities.

This user is a reporter for UnNews because they couldn't get a job at a real newspaper.

This user makes uncyclopedia better

MEH

This user redefines lazy.

So why'd this user want stars in their eyes?

This user is a pyromaniac.

This user's sex appeal is such that people around the world compulsively shout his name during intercourse.

This user doesn't trust Wikipedia as far as he can throw it... but nonetheless uses it on a daily basis.

PIECE OF CRAP WARNING!

This page is a piece of crap. The author(s) acknowledge this.

This user hates telephones. Could be due to the fact that the U.S. government is monitoring them.

This user is an assassin, and can kill you anywhere you go from in the shadows. Fear this user.

This user uses Uncyclopedia as his or her primary point of reference.

This user is against computer and video game censorship and regulation as they like porn and violence (though not always at the same time).

?	Do not underestimate the power of It. Underestimation of the power of It will kill you from the sheer power of It.

1+	This user has over 1 edit. Duh!

free

This user is interested in freethought as s/he sure as hell doesn't want to pay!.

This ~~user~~ monkey understands biological evolution and wishes to evangelise this fact.

This user reserves the right to completely screw up his or her ~~edits~~ life by spending too much time on Uncyclopedia.

teen

This user is a teenager and so hangs around bus stops in large intimidating groups and beats up old ladies for drug money. Probably.

This user likes llamas, and rides them on a daily basis.

This user is reading your thoughts!

This user is a paladin. Hide your demons and undead.

This user can see what you don't.

See? Look at him. He really likes the llamas.

Sense

This user promotes the radical idea of having sense.

This user has tested positive for ESFP on the Myers-Briggs Test, really.

This user is a reincarnation of Krushnevya.

No, seriously. That's him there, on the llama.

<-- See?

BK	THIS USER IS A BLACK KNIGHT!!

YA	This user is a young adult and so is probably poor, lazy and drunk or a student.

A	This user is an adult in body only.

Stop scrolling down, and admire the llama. It's much more interesting than the actual userpage, trust me.

This user is a boy and is made of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails.

This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)

This user is Swedish
...and unabashedly ashamed of it!
(List of Swedish Uncyclopedians )

What, you don't believe me? Fine, see for yourself. Don't blame me when you die from lack of llama.

This user is a militant agnostic
and is certain s/he doesn't know

This user is a skeptical agnostic
and doesn't know if s/he doesn't know

This user hates religion and is a sinner through and through!

Whoa! You made it! Good job!!

Now go away.

This user be getting drunk on his booty..

This user is an objectivist, and would sell your mother for a new pair of sunglasses.

This user likes goats.
Baaaaahaahaahaahhhh!

nj	This user is a Ninja, with dominion over everything totally sweet.

This user knows the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.

This user is easily distracted by anything shiny.

This user gots a shuvel. Yes {{{1}}} does.

This user walks down the
left hand path.
Thus, they would be considered evil by the Catholic Church.
(List of left hand path Uncyclopedians)

This user's future is so bright they've gotta wear shades.

This user is a lemming, or at least thinks so.

This user is an aeroplane, and can be annoying. No offence to pilots.

This user is a member of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy.

"We're after your children and pets."

This user is a militant atheist.

This user is POOR,

has never passed GO,

and never collected $200.00.

...

This user would be a professional procrastinator, but he or she can't be bothered.

Gu	This user is easily tricked.

This user will give you a seizure.

JoW

This user is a suspected sockpuppet of Jimbo on Wales, but hasn't been blocked indefinitely because we are not so-called-experts.

This User knows the truth about hummingbirds and will not rest until the lies have been dispelled.

This user fights against the squirrels and sporks conspiring to enslave the human species.

This user is a member of the Anti Kitten Huffing Movement.

This user is a member of the Uncyclopedia Departure of Fun.

?	This user is anonymous. That is, numbskull, he or she doesn't want you to know who he or she is.

This user is cooler than you.

1337

This user is elite.

This user reserves the right to completely screw up his or her ~~edits~~ life by spending too much time on Uncyclopedia.

This user puts the you know what in the you know where.

This user is an evil clone of Krushnevya.

This user is an evil clone of Doctadoom.

This user is an Asian and probably lives at an internet cafe playing Counter-Strike24-7.

This user collects userboxes as if they were trading cards hoping that they may be ~~collectors items~~ worth something in the future.

This user wants Mountain Goat featured.

Did you know...

that this page has far too many templates?

This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.

Ubx-
Crapload

This user has a crapload of userboxes. To see more of them, go to some other page.

0	This user rewrote 0 pages for Conservation Week, because s/he cares. How many have you rewritten, huh?

This Article Doesn't Concern You. Move Along Quietly. Or make loud stupid noises to impress the local females.

1 The Utter Stupidity Sheer Awesomeness of Man-Eating Badgers
2 Characteristics of the Common Man-Eating Badger
3 Fine (Or Otherwise) Awards This Badger May or May Not Have Earned
4 The BBC
5 Pages This Badger is Associated With
6 Images and Other Fine Media This Badger is Associated With
7 Other Users This Badger is Associated With
8 Parties, Mobs, and Other Groups This Badger Has Joined (and May Have Been Ejected From Due to Violent Drunkeness)
9 See Also

edit The Utter Stupidity Sheer Awesomeness of Man-Eating Badgers

Badgers are awesome all by themselves. But Man-Eating Badgers... man, that is a class all it's own! Only the best badgers can even claim the lofty title of "Man-Eating Badger". And only the best Man-Eating Badgers come to Uncyclopedia to contribute to a content-free world. As evidence, look no further than the highly esteemed BBC. I know, I know, "highly esteemed" sources have no place in Uncyclopedia, but in this case, I think we can safely assume that the editors were high on crack and as such let such a seriously messed up article make its way onto their online news service. The edited article is below. Click here for the article in its entirety.

British blamed for Basra badgers

Common Man-Eating Badger. Note the resemblance to a hog.

A fine facial study of the Man-Eating Badger. Note the white ~~fang~~ handlebar mustache.

British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra. Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic. Several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers. ( but the experts, as always, are dead-ass WRONG!) The rumours spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.

UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. We have been told these are indigenous nocturnal carnivores that don't attack humans unless cornered."

The director of Basra's veterinary hospital, Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, has inspected several of the animals' corpses. He told the AFP news agency: "These appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known locally as Al-Girta. Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."

Dr Ghazi Yaqub Azzam, deputy dean of Basra's veterinary college, speculated that the badgers were being driven towards the city because of flooding in marshland north of Basra. But the assurances did little to convince some members of the public.

One housewife, Suad Hassan, 30, claimed she had been attacked by one of the badgers as she slept. "My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer," she said. "It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey," she told AFP.

This article was mentioned in BBC News, further diminishing what little credibility the media had left.

edit Characteristics of the Common Man-Eating Badger

He's big
He's racist
He's horny
He's on crack
He's the leading Socialist of his Party at his school
He's ruling the world
He's gonna kill you
Anything I missed goes here...

edit Fine (Or Otherwise) Awards This Badger May or May Not Have Earned

Member of the Order of Uncyclopedia
This person has successfully registered on Uncyclopedia. They
should be proud of themselves for making such a smart move.

The Joseph McCarthy Award of Continuity

Welcome ManEatingBadger to the Glorious Cow Moo Cult!

You're in, you clearly fit these requirements and the Cows, obviously, smile upon you. You are currently a "Mud Grunt" by rank. Now the good bit: you can officially put this template wherever you want on your userpage or talk page and can add "Mgr." to the beginning of your signature, if you wish.

Promoting the CMC is always good, considering at the moment we're barely even tiny on Uncyclopedia. If you can refer users to sign up, consider yourself promoted. In time you'll move up the ranks anyway. Occasionally you'll have to put a little bit of work in here and there, but only a little bit... For the moment all you really need to do is watchlist this page. Your main task, however, is CONVERTING THE COWLESS. Have a quick read of this before you start and conversion processes. If you help swell the CMC ranks, it's likely you'll get a promotion!

I'm happy to answer any questions here. Oh and it's advised you read these (loose) rules. You are now one of the few with the Cows on your side.

Let the moo be with you!
Moo moo moo mo mooo moo!

Cow Moo Cult
This user posses the newbie rank of Mud Grunt, is a Cult Peasant and have Cow Moo power over all non-cult members.

edit The BBC

Welcome to the world-renowned BBC, the Badger Broadcasting Network. Now more than ever, world events are affecting the general badger populace. As a ~~non~~accredited Uncyclopedia news channel ~~airing only on this page~~, the BBC will publish censored articles of ultimate importance to badgers worldwide. We will do so with the dedication and diligence befitting a Man-Eating Badger. Below are our latest stories:

UnNews:Socalist Party Declined in School Election

**BREAKING NEWS**

25 June 2008 Uncyclopedia Allows Resurfacing of Deleted Pages

Uncyclopedia: After much lobbying by the outraged authors of the recently deleted Mountain Goat, Punic wars, Laser Goat, etc., Uncyclopedia admins decided to give the two comedians a break and move their pages to available userspace. User:ManEatingBadger praised the action, calling it "timely and generous", but also warning against "continued insanity in VFD". User:Doctadoom was not available for comment, but it is believed that he will protest even more vocally than ManEatingBadger.

19 June 2008 Sad Day in Uncyclopedia's History; Neonazis Successfully Delete Pages

Uncyclopedia: In an all-too-real decision, Uncyclopedia caved in to demands from assorted sons-of-bitches in the community and passed the deletion of Mountain Goat and Punic wars, and also passed the resettling of Where's Wadlo?. Miagra is yet to be ruled on, but it is unlikely that, with such an important precedent occurring today, it will ever see another month in proud service of Uncyclopedia. The authors cried foul, to no avail, and weren't even given time to save their beloved articles for future modification and posting. This is truly a sad day in Uncyclppedia's history.

18 June 2008 Successful Pages Threatened; Creators call for Public Common Sense in Saving Them

"They're trying to delete my home," said a tearful KGS Cudchewer, a wildly popular star of the Mountain Goat page. "Mountain Goat is all I have; without it, I'll just be another unemployed goat."

Uncyclopedia: In a surprising and distasteful turn of events, several popular Uncyclopedia pages have been slated for deletion! The pages, Mountain Goat, Punic wars, Miagra, and Where's Wadlo?, have proven to be a smash hit with many users, and indeed the creators were looking at expanding on their success. Then along came a group of conservative neonazis who are trying to ruin Uncyclopedia by destroying these pages and tarnishing the wonderful reputations of their authors!

"They're trying to delete my home," said a tearful KGS Cudchewer, a wildly popular star of the Mountain Goat page. "Mountain Goat is all I have; without it, I'll just be another unemployed goat."

Other threatened employees were not available for comment.

The authors (and this very concerned news source) ask that you rush to the VFD and place your votes to KEEP these articles, and comment on the unnecessary uncalled for cruelty and humorlessness of the cocksucking vandals attempting to delete them!

edit Pages This Badger is Associated With

For those who miss them (apparently, nobody), some of our beloved deleted pages will hopefully be resurrected better than they were before. When is anybody's guess...

edit Images and Other Fine Media This Badger is Associated With

This user's primary source of artwork is MS Paint.

Pictures featured in chronological order. All pictures were created using the brilliant services of Microsoft Paint (c). These images may be used on other sites; just please give credit where credit is due. Picture background explanations are italicized.

Note: Many of these pictures are homeless after the needless wanton destruction of their original homes.

An M1A270 "Abraham" Main Battle Goat of the 27th Border Guard. Note the Multiple-Launch Rocket System on the rump. This was my first picture, and the inspiration for all my other military goat pictures. I took the turret off an M1A2 Abrams SEP Main Battle Tank, and the 12-cell missile launcher of an M-270 MLRS, and stuck them on a goat.	An AirGoat of VAQ-97 configured for radar jamming. It's udders can deploy radar-defeating milk droplets. An old idea, actually older than the Main Battle Goat, but it took longer to make.	An Airgoat of VA-125 on patrol high over ~~Siberia~~ Baikla Province, Krushnevya.I know this is crap, but it took five minutes, so...	The KGS (Krushnevyan Goat Ship) Cudchewer, seen here test-firing a new Udder Destruction torpedo. The U-Goat can also launch ~~Sea~~ Milk-Skimming Missiles. This was fun, and is perhaps my best picture. Amazing what Paint can do...	An infantry goat of the 42nd Motor Rifle Division vigilantly stands guard over a cud pasture. I figured it was time I honored the grunts. General Issue, hoo-rah!
Two separate incarnations of Richard (coincidentally, both Japanese) duking it out over a very scary prize. This was also done in five minutes, and as you can see I added very little, the picture was funny enough as-is.	Richard on Miagra. I was going to have a picture of Barney, but this popped out. See the Miagra link for explanation.