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“I made love to a badger once... oh, wait, is this on?”
“In Soviet Russia, Man-Eating Badger EAT YOU!”
“Talk about redundant...”
“Hey, look! A puppy!”
“Uh, no, sir, that looks like a Man-Eating Badger. Better run back to your Iraq coloring book.”
This Article Doesn't Concern You. Move Along Quietly. Or make loud stupid noises to impress the local females.
Utter Stupidity Sheer Awesomeness of Man-Eating Badgers
Badgers are awesome all by themselves. But Man-Eating Badgers... man, that is a class all it's own! Only the best badgers can even claim the lofty title of "Man-Eating Badger". And only the best Man-Eating Badgers come to Uncyclopedia to contribute to a content-free world. As evidence, look no further than the highly esteemed BBC. I know, I know, "highly esteemed" sources have no place in Uncyclopedia, but in this case, I think we can safely assume that the editors were high on crack and as such let such a seriously messed up article make its way onto their online news service. The edited article is below. Click here for the article in its entirety.
British blamed for Basra badgers
British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra. Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic. Several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers. ( but the experts, as always, are dead-ass WRONG!) The rumours spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.
UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. We have been told these are indigenous nocturnal carnivores that don't attack humans unless cornered."
The director of Basra's veterinary hospital, Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, has inspected several of the animals' corpses. He told the AFP news agency: "These appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known locally as Al-Girta. Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."
Dr Ghazi Yaqub Azzam, deputy dean of Basra's veterinary college, speculated that the badgers were being driven towards the city because of flooding in marshland north of Basra. But the assurances did little to convince some members of the public.
One housewife, Suad Hassan, 30, claimed she had been attacked by one of the badgers as she slept. "My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer," she said. "It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey," she told AFP.
|This article was mentioned in BBC News, further diminishing what little credibility the media had left.|
Characteristics of the Common Man-Eating Badger
- He's big
- He's racist
- He's horny
- He's on crack
- He's the leading Socialist of his Party at his school
- He's ruling the world
- He's gonna kill you
- Anything I missed goes here...
Fine (Or Otherwise) Awards This Badger May or May Not Have Earned
Welcome to the world-renowned BBC, the Badger Broadcasting Network. Now more than ever, world events are affecting the general badger populace. As a
nonaccredited Uncyclopedia news channel airing only on this page, the BBC will publish censored articles of ultimate importance to badgers worldwide. We will do so with the dedication and diligence befitting a Man-Eating Badger. Below are our latest stories:
25 June 2008 Uncyclopedia Allows Resurfacing of Deleted Pages
Uncyclopedia: After much lobbying by the outraged authors of the recently deleted Mountain Goat, Punic wars, Laser Goat, etc., Uncyclopedia admins decided to give the two comedians a break and move their pages to available userspace. User:ManEatingBadger praised the action, calling it "timely and generous", but also warning against "continued insanity in VFD". User:Doctadoom was not available for comment, but it is believed that he will protest even more vocally than ManEatingBadger.
19 June 2008 Sad Day in Uncyclopedia's History; Neonazis Successfully Delete Pages
Uncyclopedia: In an all-too-real decision, Uncyclopedia caved in to demands from assorted sons-of-bitches in the community and passed the deletion of Mountain Goat and Punic wars, and also passed the resettling of Where's Wadlo?. Miagra is yet to be ruled on, but it is unlikely that, with such an important precedent occurring today, it will ever see another month in proud service of Uncyclopedia. The authors cried foul, to no avail, and weren't even given time to save their beloved articles for future modification and posting. This is truly a sad day in Uncyclppedia's history.
Uncyclopedia: In a surprising and distasteful turn of events, several popular Uncyclopedia pages have been slated for deletion! The pages, Mountain Goat, Punic wars, Miagra, and Where's Wadlo?, have proven to be a smash hit with many users, and indeed the creators were looking at expanding on their success. Then along came a group of conservative neonazis who are trying to ruin Uncyclopedia by destroying these pages and tarnishing the wonderful reputations of their authors!
18 June 2008 Successful Pages Threatened; Creators call for Public Common Sense in Saving Them
"They're trying to delete my home," said a tearful KGS Cudchewer, a wildly popular star of the Mountain Goat page. "Mountain Goat is all I have; without it, I'll just be another unemployed goat."
Other threatened employees were not available for comment.
The authors (and this very concerned news source) ask that you rush to the VFD and place your votes to KEEP these articles, and comment on the unnecessary uncalled for cruelty and humorlessness of the cocksucking vandals attempting to delete them!
Pages This Badger is Associated With
- User:ManEatingBadger/Mountain Goat
- User:ManEatingBadger/Laser Goat
- User:ManEatingBadger/Punic wars
- User:Doctadoom/Where's Wadlo?
- Goat lactation
For those who miss them (apparently, nobody), some of our beloved deleted pages will hopefully be resurrected better than they were before. When is anybody's guess...
Images and Other Fine Media This Badger is Associated With
|This user's primary source of artwork is MS Paint.|
Pictures featured in chronological order. All pictures were created using the brilliant services of Microsoft Paint (c). These images may be used on other sites; just please give credit where credit is due. Picture background explanations are italicized.
Note: Many of these pictures are homeless after the needless wanton destruction of their original homes.
Other Users This Badger is Associated With
Please patronize their fine work!
Parties, Mobs, and Other Groups This Badger Has Joined (and May Have Been Ejected From Due to Violent Drunkeness)
What'd you expect? We are talking about a Man-Eating Badger, here.
ManEatingBadger will work for food.
VOTE FOR BRIAN! VOTE SOCIALIST! GO KRUSHNEVYA!