User:Magic man/wumbo

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“It's first grade, Spongebob!”
~ Patrick Star on Wumbo
“Why, this is quite delicious!”
~ Oscar Wilde on His Mother's Gumbo


Wumbo is an illness that causes various body parts to grow double, sometimes triple, their normal size. This was first discovered by the one and only Doctor Professor Patrick (That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick). It can only infect humans. It is believed that wumbo caused the Ice Age and World War II. In 1989, Wumbologists discovered the cure to wumbo: more wumbo. Since then, you seldom see people infected with wumbo. Today, the term has taken on a plethora of new meanings. It can be used a verb (I will wumbo your wife until it hurts), an adjective (That tie looks wumbo on you), a currency (Will that be cash or wumbo?) and a cooking ingredient (1/2 Tsp. of Egg, 5 Lbs. of wumbo).

edit The Illness

Around 3000 B.C. the first case of wumbo was reported to have infected a young farmer in Idaho. His head grew 30 times larger in only one hour. A doctor stated "I had heard his eyebrows were abnormally thick and long. At first I didn't make too much of it, but once I saw them in person I knew it was wumbo, at the time called R2D2." Since then, wumbo has infected trillions of people, such as King Louie XI, Harry Potter, Achilles, and Mr. Peanut.


edit A Search for the Cure

After 1885, Wumbologists from around the world locked themselves in a room located in East Ice Shelf, Antartica and called for the first session of the "League of Alfredo"(L0A) to once and for all cure wumbo. The only advance they made was unpopular pill called "Melvin", which tasted like the south. It did shrink whatever body part wumbo made large, but as a side affect another body part would grow, due to "The Law of the Conservation of Wumbo." France, Camelot, and other silly places were enraged at all the wasted money spent on the L0A. In the L0A vs. France, head Wumbologist Dr. Nigel Anus managed to convince the jury "It was all global warmings fault." The judge dropped the charges. Bring in the dancing lobsters. After years of research, the cure was finally discovered. Hobo Jones of New York City, an avid Aerosmith fan, was strucken at the young age of 6 weeks with wumbo. However, Hobo Jones found the growth of every other finger to be neat, so he injected some more wumbo into his system. To his dismay, his fingers shrunk. Yadda yadda yadda, the cure for wumbo is more wumbo. Genius, isn't it? So does it make sense? Well neither does any new kids show. So who gives a rat's marshmallow? Not us and surely not Kermit the frog.

 the people infected with wumbo will grow double or triple their size untill they explode and a dellicous plate of steamed lobster with a side a butter but is actually poisonious and will infect the person who ate it with a severe case of wumbo

edit Dr. Patrick Star

One of the world's most decorated Wumbologists is Dr.Patrick Star (That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick to you). He learned how to harness wumbo and use it to its advantage. In 2004 Dr. Patrick received the Nobel Peace Prize for outstanding research in the field of wumbology. It was a certain major breakthrough that seemed to put him in front and seal the award. When Dr.Patrick's close friend Spongebob had accidentally shrunk former 'N Sync member Squidward Kirkpatrick, he came to ask Dr.Patrick for his advice. In astonishing fashion, Dr.Patrick made one of the world's greatest medical discoveries when he decided "(Spongebob) has it set to 'M' for mini. It should be set to 'W' for Wumbo!" I know, my head exploded too. After such a brilliant career, Dr.Patrick Star finally retired, and is currently residing in Bikini Bottom. Wherever that is right? Come on, we all know you've tried to Google it and nothing came out, as always, you know why? 'Cause you got lied to like the rest of us.

edit Ways to Prevent Wumbo

Although there is only one known cure, a list has been released of actions that should be used to prevent the infection of wumbo.

  • Organize your sock drawer
  • Order 10 grams of honey from Dairy Queen
  • Name your son 'Elenbowgen'
  • Draw sharpie mustaches on all your friends
  • Do a Barrel Roll!
  • Have a career in Botany
  • Become a ninja
  • Write your M's as W's
  • Turn into a starfish
  • Eat a jar of peanut butter with a fork
  • Eat yourself
  • Slap a baby pug
  • Choke on a brick
  • Set your baby on fire while your wife is screaming "Buy me more jewelry!"
  • Set yourself on fire while driving a car into the White House.
  • Run through WalMart in a banana suit while spraying the employees with spray cheese.
  • Think Dr. Phil is a real Doctor.
  • Play MW3 for 365 days straight with no sleep.
  • Go to college for 7 years and get a job at McDonalds and then kill yourself for getting an order wrong.
  • Eat mathematical pi
  • Sip Neosporin from a turkey baster while reciting The Gettysburg Address and The Preamble simultaneously.
  • Read the Artemis Fowl series backwards in Vatican City
  • Name your child harley-Anne
  • take 19 Viagra pills
  • Name your son or daughter, Hermenegildo, Ifyouknowhowtoreadthisyourafreakingweirdo or Hellen.
  • Take an arrow to the knee
  • Take two arrows too the knee
  • Take three arrows to the knee
  • buy a bag of peas
  • get a refund on your bag of peas
  • Hit a man with your right sock and choke him with your left sock
  • Brup,fart,sneeze,cough all at the same time
  • Bring it around town
  • Have a 12 way with 29 other guys

edit Who Wumbo Has Affected

Well basically, if you follow the steps listed above. It will prevent wumbo and possibly cure wumbo. I mean seriously, you want your head to grow 30 times it's size now? Hell NO! So follow these steps or just... ===Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edit Quotes

'I wumbo, you wumbo. He-she-me, wumbo." - Dr. Patrick

  • Did you WUMBO my mom last night.- Dr. Wumbologist

'Scarface Wumboed 20 pounds of Cocaine." Dr. Wumbologist

  • After watching every episode of The Amanda Show the sexually active whale, Wumboed every living creature known to Disney in its existence.

edit Other Types of Wumbo

Due to the various works of Dr.Patrick Star, your average joe was able to figure things out about wumbo that no 11th century peasant would ever dream of knowing.

edit Wumbo in Math

In math, wumbo is equal to the square root of Norris. Becuase Norris is a variable (you never know when he will strike), the proper equation to determine wumbo is (Norris^2-3X)/(The Value of the Canadian Dollar+60,000X). Once wumbo is determined, the user must strap down to their chair and prepare for lift off. If they keep their hands inside the vehicle at all times, they're actually allowed to solve the problem without the use of their hands or feet. Neato, eh? Also, Wumbo is the 809th digit of pi according to Pokémon. Wumbo is also a variable used to describe the angular velocity of an object in three dimensional space, or four dimensional space-time.

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