User:Magic man/Welcome to Uncyclopedia!
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So you're new to our popular and awsome website and stuff. You are what most of us would call a noob. It means that you are not yet popular and have nothing to do with our awsomeness. So you want me, an experienced user to tell you the ways of Uncyclopedia, to welcome you and not chuck you alone in the corner somewhat confused and scared, right?
Too fucking bad.
Yeah, that's how it is here. Relax. It hurts, I know, I was a noob once myself. I know what it's like to want to be that popular and a part of the bodacious uncyclopedians. Take it easy. Now, don't think that means I'm trying to sympathize with you, I'm not. I couldn't care less whether you sink or stay afloat.
So why am I writing this? I'm doing it to pass the time, win awards and get a featured article. All that stuff you haven't done yet. So let me tell you, start off by reading my articles, all of them. Inspiring, no? Then, maybe one day you might get a ninja star (a small token of apreciation from someone for correcting spelling errors or cropping a photo), probably not. If you are lucky and work until you can no longer sleep, you might even get a feature, but don't count on it. Because I'm better then you and you can't possibly know to count count.
edit The admins
You see those cool, sexy people over there? Those are the admins. They're the ones that huffed your article. What is article huffing? Well, your first article was so lame and unfunny for everyone (deep down inside you know you don't even find it funny) that using his own discretion the administrator deleted it a second after you published it. Yeah, he didn't even have to read it your article was so bad. I don't know why he didn't ban your ass and kill your hamster. They shake the groove. And thats popularity, they play like that.