User:Lyrithya/UnNews:Small god climbs into percolator, makes great coffee

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Lyrithya/UnNews:Small god climbs into percolator, makes great coffee

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Friday, February 5, 2016, 22:56:59 (UTC)

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11 May 2011


Will it be so good tomorrow? Will the companies ever come to an agreement?

TUCSON, Arizona -- After three weeks of long deliberations, the two companies set to determine the future of modern medicine, BioTime and Genescient, still have yet to come to any legal agreement regarding their joint and accidental discovery of a miracle anti-ageing drug. A spokesman for Genescient did reveal, however, that "coffee was delicious today, despite the fact that it smelled as though a small dog had climbed into the percolator."

This cryptic phrase, the first to be released directly to the press, however, is

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