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Every wide-eyed toddler knows that man went to the moon in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Way before computers and other advanced technology even existed, twelve of their ancestors walked upon the lunar surface. They picked up rocks, set up American flags, rode around in fully-loaded dune buggies, hit golf balls, posed for thousands of manipulated glossy photographs, and even passed urine in their suits. The moon was man's space-pearl for a few glorious years. And then in 1972 it was left alone to rot in the sun. The twelve astronauts who'd visited it passed away and became icons, then legends, then historical action figures, then toys, and even pink dildos. The nickname "Buzz" took on a sexual connotation, Apollo turned into a famous Scandinavian ska-rapper, and Tranquility Base became a Paris bordello. Man had gloriously conquered the moon, only to spend the remainder of his time trying to convince people it was even true, what to speak of possible necessary. (More...)
The Cotswold Olimpick Games is an annual public celebration of games and sports now held every May in what is now Athol, a small town named, probably by someone with a lisp, after the late Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. This town is in the Cotswolds of England, probably; hence the name, probably.
The Games began in 1612, and have continued, more intermittently than the region's electricity, to the present day. They were started by a local lawyer, Cliff Dover, who said he had the approval of the current King of England, a claim you virtually had to make in order to sanction a crowd of thousands of mostly drunk Englishmen.
Dover's motivation in organising the Games may have been his belief that physical exercise was necessary for the defence of the realm, but he may also have believed that accretion of lucre was necessary for the defence of his own old age. Consequently, steep admission fees were charged to all classes of society, including royalty on one occasion, and His Majesty actually paid it, the doddering old coot. (More...)
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| Did you know...
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| *...that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
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| In the news
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| On this day...
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June 19: Faja Day (Netherlands); Irony Is Ironic Day (UK)
- 1138 - George Lucas devises the evil world conquering plan of THX.
- 1269 - King Louis IX of France orders all Jews found in public without an identifying yellow badge to be fined "if they want to be fined, but really, if they want trouble, run away quickly, cause I think they breathe fire and stuff"
- 1443 - Graham The Bastard is crowned King of Ireland
- 1770 - Somebody says "Jesus is coming soon". His followers are still waiting.
- 1776 - In the beginning of the American Revolution, Boston Herald proclaims: "HOLY SHIT! WE'RE WINNING!"
- 1792 - Puzzle potato officially missing from French treasury.
- 1816 - William Henry Webb is born. Vows to make a world wide name for himself. Invents extremely silly game.
- 1865 - Slaves in Texas finally figure out that they're free, only two years after being told so.
- 1866 - Slaves in Texas, after much debate, decide to go back to being slaves because they don't know what else to do.
- 1867 - Slaves in Texas realize that they can breathe fire and shoot lasers out of their eyes, and soon proceed to take over the Bush administration.
- 1943 - Race wars are held Beaumont, Texas, leaving the tally: Whites – 287; Everyone else – 0
- 1953 - The Rosenbergs commit suicide by electric chair in Sing Sing Sing Prison.
- 1980 - Freddy Mercury spies a silouette on the wall.
- 1983 - Batman has New Years Eve Party at Wayne Manor. In attendance are Spiderman, Superman, and Wonder Woman among others, but a lonely Bruce Banner is left out of the loop.
- 1984 - The Incredible Hulk is born.
- 1987 - Kool Aid is first conceived by Elvis Costello.
- 1989 - Hamburger Helper slaps Chef Boyardee; Valachi family outraged
- 2007 - Gary Coleman's low budget commercial is aired on ABC
- 2008 - Jamie Lynn Spears gives birth to bastard daughter, Maddie
- 2009 - Osama Bin Laden voted biggest dick in universe for ninth straight year.
- 2010 - Neo enters the Matrix again. Changes back to Mr. Anderson.
- 2011 - The exact day that the June 19, 1867 entry was made.
- 2012 - The one year anniversary of the June 19, 1867 entry. But who cares, "2012" would have already happened.
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