User:Lordarcadian/HowTo:Screw in a Lightbulb
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It's 3am you've just spent a long night of bar hopping just to get laid. Now is the big pay off try and impress her with your awesome pad. You unlock the door reach in to turn on a little mood lighting, and nothing happens. You are left in the dark. Don't worry we are here to help. You too, in a few easy steps, can change that light-bulb.
This is a task that has confounded scholars for decades. Every since that goody two shoes Edison created the first vacuum filled ball of wonderment. With this article we will aid you in going solo in an event that has been known to baffle small groups of Stoners everywhere. This is a step by step process so jump in where needed, but we will assume the old bulb still rests in the lamp.
edit Step One
Safety is important here. In order to avoid electric shock the lamp should be disconnected from the power source. You will need scissors here. Locate the cord, then holding the cord cut it near the lamp. Throw the cord off to the side, as it is no longer needed.
edit Step Two
In this step we will need to remove the old bulb. This is critical because the new bulb needs to go in the spot. Remember basic physics states two pieces of matter can not occupy the same space. First is the conventional round light bulb. As it may still be very warm get a friend or relative to touch it. If it is hot cool it down with a bowl of ice cold water. When it is cool grip the bulb lightly but firmly. turn the light bulb counterclockwise. Throw it outside somewhere. Don't worry about recycling, as the Earth was already screwed up when you got here. For florescent bulbs you will need a small hammer, as they have no threads on the end. Smash the old bulb with the hammer till none of it remains in the fixture.
edit Step Three
The popular train of thought in choosing a replacement bulb is to simply use an exact match of the original.( this is wrong) Note that some fixtures have labels on them giving a max wattage for that model. This too is wrong. It is actually a little known fact that more wattage equals more light. Lighting manufacturers put these so called warning labels on fixtures on purpose. This forces the consumer to by more fixtures to get enough light. As you will want to get more light out of your existing fixtures use really high wattage lights. Try at least a 200 watt bulb if available. If this is not possible get the next biggest bulb.
edit Step Four
Now we get to the big pay off. For the traditional bulb grip it firmly but lightly this time. Now turn it clockwise till it will not turn any longer. You are a success! Enjoy your victory. For a florescent light bulb. You will have to put it in the same way the old bulb came out, only in reverse. This is because there are many different configurations of bulb designs and besides they don't screw in. You my friend are at the wrong page.