User:Lollipop/UnNews:Boy loses his toy boat
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lollipop/UnNews:Boy loses his toy boat
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 7, 2015, 10:14:UTC)(
22 April 2011
BLACKPOOL, England - All the young boys were playing once school had finished. But one little boy seemed unhappy. For a while, he seemed as happy as everyone else. But later on, something sad and tragic happened. The unthinkable had occured: his toy boat was... gone.
Sean Cooper, 8 and-a-half, was playing with his mates when around 4:30 P.M. on Thursday it went missing. He was playing at the river where the boys were playing with their toy boats. Then around 4:30 P.M., the toy boat went missing. Chief Ron Goodmond responded, "We have a theory that the boat possibly floated way, but we are trying in all agony to find the missing toy boat. Right now, it is our top priority and all the Blackpool Police workforce is on the quest to retrieve the boat. We completely dropped the search for the 3 missing young girls in order to have more agents on the case. People wanting to help can call 1-800-finddaboat to register to find it"
Sean's mum, Karen, said to UnNews, "Well we knew something was missing when he came home. We then thought of the boat."
Sean was saddened to see the boat gone, and took to his room for a while to cry. Sean's father, Randolph, adds, "It was such a nice boat, and it's a shame what has happened to it. I hope they find it soon, I really liked that boat. I'm very distressed, I fear for my sanity"
Sean then spoke to us fighting tears on his former boat. "Well", he sniffled, "I liked that boat, I wished nothing would ever happen to it. I want my boat back."
There is currently a search party going on at the moment. But right now, it is all about a boy...and his boat.
Upon hearing this heartbreaking story, the UnNews staff scrambled to join the search effort. The UnNews will not be publish tomorrow as all reporters will be working around-the-clock in search for the Holy Grail.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|