User:Lollipop/UnBooks:My First Hockey Game
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Hi. My name is Will. Some people call me Bill or Billy or
stop digging in the trash you bum, but I like Will. It suits me right. Just like the suit I usually wear. In fact i'm wearing it right now. Today i'm going to tell you a story about the time I went to a hockey game. Being an American, I didn't know what to expect. But I survived it, and here I am telling you about my first ever hockey game.
edit The Big Day
That morning, I was very excited. I had never been to a hockey game before. I wondered what to wear. I decided to call my friends. Upon realizing I had no friends, I asked my pet turkey Gerald what his opinion should be. However, Gerald didn't answer me. He was sleeping. He's been sleeping like that for the past few days. The funny thing is, while he's sleeping, he's holding his breath. I decided to let him sleep and not to disturb him. I asked my teddy bear, Mr. Huggums, what I should wear. "BURN DOWN THE BUILDING!!!", said Mr. Huggums. He's always saying things like that. I usually don't pay attention to it. I decided to wear a T-shirt and shorts. After all, that's what I had been wearing for the past week or so. I've lost count. Anyways, I took a bath and got dressed again. I packed Mr. Huggums into my bag. I was now ready for my first hockey game.
edit At the Arena
I took a bus to Buffalo. A lot of people looked at me. Some covered their noses. I realized I had forgot to wear shoes. I took a seat on the bus after the person sitting there lost breath after covering their nose for a long period of time. I took a nap. When I woke up,I got off the bus. I was at the arena. The arena was bigger thanI thought. It was very big and shiny. I was trying to look at the arena, when a hand tapped me on my shoulder. "Excuse me", said a man,"could you move out of the way? My wife and kids and I are trying to take a picture." I don't like to be touched. I punched him in the face. I ran away. I decided to hide in a dumpster. This proved to be a good idea, as I found a pair of dirty sneakers in there. They fit very well.
I walked over to the arena. It was very warm inside. We all had to stand in line. When it was my turn, they asked for my ticket. I told them I didn't have a ticket. They told me to get out. I tried to ask them where I can get tickets, or if they have tickets. They told me to get out and stop holding up the line. I later found a ticket booth, but the game was sold out. I was sad because I knew I couldn't see a hockey game. However, luck struck upon me. There was a smelly man with grey hair and a leather jacket and a baseball cap selling tickets. He charged me 200 dollars for one ticket. I thought it was a good price. In fact, it was for a good cause. Because a few seconds later, I saw him buy some white powder from a guy on the street. I walked back in the arena. The line was smaller. They let me in this time.
edit Going to my seats
I decided to go to my seats. The first time I went, an old lady was sitting in my seat. I told her to get out, and I showed her my ticket. It turned out those weren't my seats. The old lady got really mad at me and started yelling. I yelled back at her. She began to call the security. I ran away. I went to my normal seats this time. Nobody yelled at me. Except the man below me. His eyes were a lot smaller and he was very fat. He had a woman holding him. I got mad at him and began to yell back. The man cried and the woman yelled at me. I got tired of the yelling, so I covered my ears. My throat was sore, and I didn't like to yell. I was very hungry, so I got some food. When I got to my seat, there was a child sitting in it. He stared at me. He wanted the seat. I told him to get out of the seat. He didn't want to. I threw my burrito at him. It hit him in the face. He ate it. I was very mad because I had payed money for that burrito. I decided to take all his cash. The woman in front of me got mad and started to yell again. I bought another burrito with the child's money. He wasn't there when I came back.
edit The first period
As I began to eat my burrito, the arena became dark. I don't like the dark. Suddenly, a loud voice came on and started to yell. I yelled back at him. A lot of people told me to be quiet. I decided to ignore them. Suddenly, the light came back on. A bunch of hockey players wearing blue and yellow shirts skated onto the ice. They looked kind of funny. Everyone in the audience cheered. I noticed a lot of people were wearing the blue and yellow shirts too. I asked where I could buy one. Everybody ignored me. I don't like to be ignored. I decided to get people's attention. Finally, a fat lady with glasses told me where I could get a shirt. I left my seat and went to the place where they sell hockey shirts. The man said it would cost 100 dollars. I thought he was joking. I gave him my remaining money, which was 30 dollars. He told me to get out. I ran with the hockey shirt. I ran really fast. I bought some sunglasses so the man couldn't recognize me. I put on my hockey shirt, proud that I looked like a hockey player.
The other team came on the ice. They were wearing white and red hockey shirts. I noticed that a few people were wearing those too. I was going to get a white one too, but I remembered the man at the store. I didn't want to get in trouble. Then, a third team came on the ice. Except there were only 4 of them. They were wearing striped shirts. They looked like zebras. They didn't have a stick with them. Instead, they had a whistle. I came to the conclusion that they were musicians. I asked the man next to me, and he said they were the "Referianlinsman'. I asked what that meant. I realized he had said 'referee and linesmen'. Suddenly, Mr. Huggums emerged from my bag. "I WILL BOMB THIS BUILDING AND YOU CAN ALL BURN IN HELL!!!!!", exclaimed Mr. Huggums. Nobody payed attention to Mr. Huggums.
The game started and the players moved across the ice. A minute later, the game stopped. I was upset because they stopped the game because a player was on the wrong side. I decided to be mad. Someone shouted at me. They told me to sit down. They also said a naughty word. I decided to go see the man. He was wearing a hockey shirt too. Except that it had niether of the
two three hockey shirts I saw. I told him that. The man was bald. I wondered if he had leukemia. I decided to ask him. He must of been very sensitive about his leukemia because he told me to fuck off and he punched me really hard in the face. It really hurt and my nostrils felt as if I had to sneeze. I felt angry because I don't like being punched. I apoligized to the man for talking about his leukemia. He must of been really mad because he punched me in the mouth. And it really hurt. Ilicked my lip and there was blood on it. Blood tastes like salty saliva. It had a salty, bitter taste. A security guard game and took the man out. Maybe people with leukemia aren't allowed to watch hockey games. I'll ask the old man at the convienience store tomorrow.
Also, the white team scored a goal. And a lot of people decided to try to scare the white team. They said "Boo!" But they said it very slowly. Maybe they are trying to sound like a ghost. It didn't help because the white team scored another goal. Hockey is really confusing.