User:Ljlego/UnBooks:The Holy Bible in BASIC

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:Ljlego
Revision as of 18:40, July 5, 2011 by Ljlego (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Unbookslogo
The novel Ljlego/UnBooks:The Holy Bible in BASIC is also available in paperback.
Bouncywikilogo5
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about UnBooks:The Holy Bible in BASIC.

0 REM "BIBLE IN BASIC (1982, VERSION 1.0)"
2 REM
4 REM
6 REM
8 REM
10 REM "CLEAR SPACE FOR NEW UNIVERSE"
11 CLS
12 REM "HEAVENS AND EARTH: INITIALIZATION"
20 DIM WEEK(7), EARTH(999999999), WATERS(999999999)
30 FOR N=0 TO 999999999
52 EARTH(N)=RND(0)
54 WATERS(N)=RND(0)
60 NEXT N
100 REM "DAY #1"
110 LIGHT=1 
122 DARKNESS=0
140 FOR N=0 TO 999999999
150 IF EARTH(N)>0.5 THEN EARTH(N)=LIGHT ELSE EARTH(N)=DARKNESS
170 NEXT N
180 DAY=LIGHT
182 NIGHT=DARKNESS
190 WEEK(1)=1
200 REM "DAY #2"
230 SKY=2
250 FOR N=0 TO 999999999 
260 IF WATERS(N)>0.5 THEN WATERS(N)=2
270 NEXT N
290 WEEK(2)=1
300 REM "DAY #3"
310 GROUND=1
320 FOR N=0 TO 999999999
330 IF WATERS(N)=SKY THEN GOTO 350
332 IF WATERS(N)<0.3 THEN WATERS(N)=0 ELSE WATERS(N)=GROUND
350 NEXT N
360 LAND=GROUND
370 SEA=0
375 PLANT=70
380 FOR N=0 TO 999999999
382 IF WATERS(N)=LAND AND EARTH(N)=LIGHT THEN WATERS(N)=WATERS(N)+PLANT
384 NEXT N
390 WEEK(3)=1
...
...
...
804269 REM "SUBROUTINE: SMITINGS"
804270 IF JUDAH=NAUGHTY THEN SMITE(NATION(JUDAH))=1
804271 IF ISRAEL=NAUGHTY THEN SMITE(NATION(ISRAEL))=5
804272 IF MOAB=NAUGHTY THEN SMITE(NATION(MOAB))=5
804274 IF AMMON=NAUGHTY THEN SMITE(NATION(AMMON))=5: SMITE(NATION(MOAB))=8
804276 IF EGYPT=NAUGHTY THEN SMITE(NATION(EGYPT))=25
804282 IF PHILISTIA=NAUGHTY THEN SMITE(NATION(PHILISTIA))=300
804284 IF EDOM=NAUGHTY THEN SMITE(NATION(EDOM))=50 ELSE SMITE(NATION(EDOM))=47
804290 IF ASSYRIA=NAUGHTY THEN GOSUB 825000
...
804900 FOR N=1 TO 999
804902 SMITE(CANAANITES)=4000*N
804904 SMITE(HITTITES)=2000*N
804906 SMITE(JEBUSITES)=1000*N
804908 SMITE(AMORITES)=500*N
804910 SMITE(SODOMITES)=100000000*N+INFINITY^3
804990 NEXT N
804999 RETURN
...
...
...
50340000 REM "INITIALIZE SERMONIZATION"
50340005 JESUS(LOCATION)=MOUNTAIN
50340010 REM "UPDATE HUMAN BLESSING STATS"
50340020 FOR N=1 TO POPULATION
50340022 IF HUMAN(N,STATUS)=POOR THEN HUMAN(N,POSSESSIONS)=HUMAN(N,POSSESSIONS)+HEAVEN: HUMAN(N,BLESS)=1
50340024 IF HUMAN(N,STATUS)=SAD THEN HUMAN(N,STATUS)=HAPPY: HUMAN(N,BLESS)=1
50340026 IF HUMAN(N,STATUS)=MEEK THEN HUMAN(N,POSSESSIONS)=HUMAN(N,POSSESSIONS)+EARTH: HUMAN(N,BLESS)=1
50340028 IF HUMAN(N,STATUS)=HUNGRY THEN HUMAN(N,STOMACH)=HUMAN(N,STOMACH)+FOOD: HUMAN(N,BLESS)=1
50340030 IF HUMAN(N,STATUS)=THIRSTY THEN HUMAN(N,STOMACH)=HUMAN(N,STOMACH)+BEER: HUMAN(N,BLESS)=1
50340032 IF HUMAN(N,STATUS)=MERCIFUL THEN GOSUB 65530000: HUMAN(N,BLESS)=1
...
50340050 IF HUMAN(N,STATUS)=PERSECUTEDBYUNBELIEVERS THEN HUMAN(N,PATIENCE)=HUMAN(N,PATIENCE)+4: HUMAN(N,BLESS)=1
50340090 NEXT N
50341000 HUMANITY=SALT
50341002 FOR N=1 TO POPULATION
50341010 IF HUMAN(N,FLAVOR)<FLAVOR(SALT) THEN SMITE(HUMAN(N))=50
50341020 NEXT N
50341030 HUMANITY=LIGHT
50341032 FOR N=1 TO POPULATION
50341040 IF HUMAN(N,VISIBILITY)<VISIBILITY(LIGHT) THEN SMITE(HUMAN(N))=15
50341050 NEXT N
...
...
...


Bloink1 solid
This article needs to be expanded.
This article is a stub. The article submitter may also have been snorting crack. You can help Uncyclopedia by expanding it.
Personal tools
projects