From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
One day while walking down the street Billie Joe Armstrong decided he wanted to sellout, so he called a major record label and threatened to kill them if they didn't produce whatever Green Day wanted.
edit Pre Major Label
- Billie Joe Armstrong (Guitar and Vocals): He was a documented member of Al-Qaida who was undercover as a cowboy. He needed to become famous because as we all know the government doesn't arrest celebrities, just ask Osama Bin Laden. He enjoys eating tofu sacks and denying Jesus's existence despite the fact that Jesus produced his first decent record. He has also been known to change hair colors more frequently than Katy Perry changes clothes.
- Mike Dirnt (Bass): Mike is thought to be a mute because he refuses to speak only playing airbase during interviews going "dirnt dirnt dirnt." Mike got more detentions than anyone in middle school because he did your mom and your little brother, and he is not averse to making angry faces while playing his base and wearing pirate earings.
- Tre Cool (Drums): Tre is a convicted felon, sex fiend, and underground Mexican drug lord. He had his testicles tied at a young age so his voice could remain extremely high. He was not originally in Green Day, but he raped every member they chose before him until they finally let him join. During interviews Tre refuses to answer questions and instead turns every comment into a sex joke.
Green Day brought to the recording studio a set of basic punk ideals, no racism, no songs about masturbation, and no major record labels. Since they had just signed to a major record label they figured they might as well break the second rule as well. At first the band just figured they'd dick around and then steal all the money from the label at gunpoint so the original album was just a recording of drummer Tre Cool taking a shit for thirty minutes (mind you this was after eating mexican food so you got your moneys worth). However producer Jesus Christ said that Green Day had to at least have music on the record screaming "Dookie! You can't have a Dookie on the record! That's digusting!" Since Billie Joe didn't graduate high school he still thought that kind of toilet humor was funny so he decided to name the record "Dookie."
The album produced five singles the first being Longview, but it's better known as the song that allowed twelve year old boys to yell masturbation really loud and then say "But mom it's part of the song." Typically, songs written about being lazy slackers don't get you anywhere but by combining their mental ability to equal that of a ten year old Green Day was able to incessantly swear their way into the mainstream. The next single Basket Case starts with the lyrics "Do you have the time to listen to me whine?" I have never been able to make it passed that first line without shutting off the cd because I hate whiners, but supposedly the rest of the song is about being a nutbag who was too dumb to see a counselor about his panic attacks until he was twenty-two. Weird Al's version of the song "Do you wait in line at Wendy's all the time?" was much more relatable to me. The next single was called When I Come Around and from the title one would assume it was another masturbation anthem but actually it was about a girl. Then came She and when you name a song She you can pretty much guarentee no one is going to be more generic than you, but somehow people got passed that and liked the song. Then their was the failure Welcome To Paradise which is a clever way of ripping off the Ramones Blitzkrieg Bop.
Jesus couldn't believe how hopeless the band was in the studio, so he used his level 80 mage powers to magically make their music good. He mixed every song at least thirty times, and when he finally turned it over to Billie Joe, the frontman said he wanted it mixed three thousand more times. Eventually, Jesus died of exhaustion and Billie Joe went on to take credit for the mixing and deny Jesus ever existed to avoid trial.
People liked the album because it was relatable. Who hasn't masturbated, swore like Satan, threatened to bomb buildings, or used F.O.D. as an acronym for Fuck Off and Die. Dookie was certified as Jesus, one level above diamond because no one could resist it's catchy beats. Also people liked how you didn't really have to think about the music, mainly because no one could understand what Armstrong was even singing, for instance in one song he says "I declare haba hair no more burning down the sud so I adore purple people in my room."
edit Woodstock 1994
Green Day stopped at Woodstock during their tour to " Fuck shit up." As soon as they got their Green Day insulted the crowd and began to spit, or in Tre's case piss on them. The crowd retaliated by beating the shit out of Mike Dirnt and selling his two front teeth on ebay, and then hurling chunks of mud hundreds of feet in the air endagering everyone. Billie Joe Armstrong proceeded to tell the crowd they were all "Fucking idiots." Needless to say the less than brilliant crowd loved it. Billie Joe really tried to get the message across by bring a young child on stage calling him an idiot and then dropkicking him into the moshpit, but the crowd still loved it, so Billie told them to "Go to hell and rot there," and then Green Day left the stage. Still the moronic crowd continued to shout "Green Day! Green Day! Green Day!" and had to be told to shut the fuck up by the U.N. after twenty days of debate.
- Terrorist Threat We Will Bomb New York 9/11/01
- Welcome To Paradise
- Mike Got The Shit Kicked Out Of Him By His Girlfriend!!! Hahahahaha!!!
- Basket Case
- Root Beer Ingrediants List
- When I Come Around
- I'm Gay
- Latin Joke Lolz
- Is It Over Yet