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“Man, where did I go wrong?”
As the prophets foretold, a messiah was to be born of a virgin to free his people from sin, unfourtunately, Gabriel chose the wrong woman, a slut named Paris. After a 16 hour labour, the 58kg baby ripped its way out of the womb and ate the hospital and a donkey called Bob.
edit Divine Conception
One night, about 2,000 years ago a Gabriel Had a few too many and as he just about to drive home in his DeLorean, God called him up and told him to find some virgin called Mary and tell her she was going to give birth to the messiah. So, as you do Gabriel rammed his time machine into some randoms frontdoor, Earmarked her for selection then passed out in a pool of his own salty vomit. A week later god came down and Deposited the goods
edit The Discovery
Immediately after the birth of Fat Jesus, God dragged him out back and tried to shoot him, That was the only time someone has Owned God. So, god gave him his own island in the Carribens and a few hundred Women.
edit Mistaken IdentityWhile Original Jesus was prancing around the Roman empire spreading Peace and Love, People got a bit pissed off, so they went to Nazareth where Fat Jesus and his Hoes where having an orgy. So they took Fat.J and put him on Trial
Finding fat Jesus guilty, they crucified him while the real Jesus escaped to France. The cross, sadly snapped but the fat shit was stuck on his back for five hours while they asked god to help.