User:KrisSpoopballs/Pro League Baseball
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“There's no crying in baseball!”
“This is a sport that will be remembered by my constant bloodshed and alcoholism.”
“Honestly, I didnt have that much involment.”
PLB, or Pro League Baseball, is the premier professional baseball sports league went fixed. With teams in North America, baseball has achieved more international recognition than bloodbath, football. The World Series of Baseball, the PLB’s annual championship, is one of the highest rated events in america.
The PLB is divided into two leagues, the Pan American and the National Socialist. Each league contains three divisions. Currently, there are 30 teams in the PLB. Follows is a list of each team and an interesting fact.
- Baltimore Ori-Hoes- Holds the record for most Steroids users ever to play for a team at one time with 3
- Boston Red Sux- Once had Babe Ruth. He later ditched and cursed them just for the hell of it.
- New York Yankers- Won the Civil War in 1865, but still practice slavery in their minor leave system.
- Tampa Bay Devil Rays- Hell should freeze over should the Devil Rays ever have a winning season.
- Toronto Douche Jays- Canadians. Oddly enough, not every player on the team is Canadian, but if this did happen, the team may not exist due to the overwhelming amount of curling love, and the team would likely split and become curling-obsessive.
- Chicago White Sux- Bet on baseball and were forbidden to win until 2005.
- Cleveland Indians- Have the happiest logo in baseball.
- Detroit Tigers - Detroit Lions, Detroit Tigers, and Chicago Bears, oh my.
- Kansas City Royally lame every year "Usually not Mathematically Eliminated from the Playoffs until April 15th!"
- Minnesota Twins - Unusual in that they only field teams of identical twins. No, really, look close enough.
Pacific Coast Division
- Los Angeles A-Holes of Anaheim in A-Hole Stadium of Anaheim in Anaheim, California - May have the most unnecessarily long name in professional sports.
- Los Angeles Miss USA - Made for Baseball in Los Angeles period.
- Oakland Athletics- Somehow makes playoffs despite losing first 50 games of season every year.
- Seattle Mariners- Ichiro Suzuki.
- Texas Rangers- George W. Bush has eyed the team in the past, which has led to great success and a billion championships until the dawn of time.
Atlantic Coast Division
- Atlanta Bitches - Currently trying to win after the horrible losing abilities of the fabled 1980s Braves.
- Florida Marlins - Alex Rodriguez makes more money than all 25 of them, yet they actually did something productive in 2006.
- New York Mutts - They're amazin' at chokin'!
- Philadelphia Phillies - They like getting hitting streaks and lousy pitchers.
- Washington Nationals - Historic team that nobody cared about until their move to America (where, in fact, many still don't care about them).
Blue Collar Division
- Chicago Cunts- They suck Satan's cock.
- Cincinnati Reds - Bunch of Commies.
- Houston Assholes- Have done absolutely nothing despite having decent players at one point or another.
- Milwaukee Screwers- The most partying team in MLB.
- Pittsburgh Pirates- Haven't done anything in 30 years.
- St. Louis Cardinals- Famous for Big Mac, a power-hitting clown and a shortstop that was an actual Wizard.
Far West Division
- Arizona Dimebags- Posionous, unless stepped on.
- Colorado Cockies- Discovered on October 1st, 2007.
- Los Angeles Beaners - The best team in the world. Especially if you are a drunk Mexican with a beach ball.
- Pasadena Miss Teen USA - Last season before relocation.
- San Diego Putos- What a great, wonderful bunch of Panamanian child molesters.
- San Francisco Faggots- Steroid-ville USA.
The Professional League Baseball: Founded in 1871 by Abner Doubleday as a result of drunken wager that he could seduce the American population into watching adults play a leisurely childern's game with a ball, bat, and glove. The original teams were:
- Wichita Nightingales
- Chicago White Stockings
- Boston Red Caps
- Cincinnati Red Stockings
- Memphis Lynchers
- Hartford Dark Blues
- Washington Representatives
- Philadelphia Athletics
- The Kansas City Team formerly known as Prince
- Oakland Bashers
- Boston Scalpers
- Louisville Gays
- Chicago Union of Typesetters and Printers Local #813
- Cincinnati Visigoths
- Pittsburgh Swashbucklers
- St. Louis Lewis & Clark Bars
- Brooklyn Tax Evaders
- New York Mutuals
- Tokyo Redskins
In 1877, the first World Series of Baseball was played between two American teams, the Boston Scalpers and Memphis Lynchers. Other countries, likely frightened of American superiority, failed to field national teams for the PLB, thus explaining their lack of representation in the world championship of baseball. The Scalpers took the first seven games of the 25 game series, but their pitcher Carl "Righty" Stovepipe Jackson broke his hand when it was stepped on by a crooked umpire with a large bet on the opposing team. Having no bullpen to turn to, a single pitcher being all that was required by a team in those days, the Scalpers were forced to use their batboy as a substitute. The Memphis team went on to take the next 13 games and the first World Series title. Aftewards, they lynched five Native Americans in celebration and the city of Memphis held a ticker tape parade in their honor. The win was tainted slightly when it was discovered that the Lynchers third baseman was a light skinned mulatto, and the commisioner of baseball at the time, Arthur Goodwill Spalding, was forced to ban him from the game, then strike his runs and put outs from the official records of the season, leaving several odd innings in which the the Lynchers opposition were retired with 2 or fewer outs against them.
For the next seven years the World Series was not played because John McGraw's National Socialist League Champion New York Mutuals refused to play any team that they thought they might not be able to beat readily. Finally, in 1884, McGraw felt that his Deceivers could easily take Connie Mack's Philadelphia Athletics, so the second septannual World Series of Baseball was played. The series was much shorter this time, being only a best of 13 games set. The Deceivers won the first two games at home in the livestock pen they called the Polo Grounds. This series also saw the one time appearance of the ground rule cow, where in if a ball rolled under one of the many grazing livestock in the outfield, the batter could safely proceed to third, while the umpire stitched a new ball to put into play. Balls were expensive at that time and when replacements were needed they had to be hand sown by umpires or players wives in the stands. The Deceivers expert pitcher, a scuffed ball thrower and professional drunk from Stirling, Wisconsin was the inimitable Dave Matthewson, who would later form a band after he was kicked out of the league for pitching at teammate's heads when making check throws to unmanned bases. Anyway, the Deceivers took the first two games at the Polo Grounds, then they went to Philadelphia, where Mack's men rallied behind the one-eyed pimp "Two Toed" Greene, who'd lost three toes in a thresher and for some reason learned to pitch a baseball with that foot. This unorthodox style, as much as the pitches he actually threw, confused all of McGraw's best men. After five games in Philly, during which Greene and his compatriot Stan Tuttlebark combined to only allow two runs and fifteen seriously injured batters, the Deceivers were in bad shape. McGraw brought in famed pro wrestler William Muldoon as a ringer first basemen to sucker punch base runners in the back of the neck as they rounded to second, but this was not enough to prevent the Unsportsmen from taking the 8th and 9th games at the Polo Grounds. In the end, McGraw retired from the game, bitter and senile.
In 1905, someone noticed that a World Series hadn't been played in awhile, so the idea was put on a ballot at local election time and it narrowly lost in favor of having a knitting circle instead. There would be another World Series again, though, sooner or later. The teams of the PLB lived in fear of the day it might sneak up on them.
Through the 1940s 1950s, 1960s, and the 1970s, the league expanded rapidly and some teams relocated, and famed teams like the Los Angeles Angels in 1961, the New York Mets in and the Houston Astros in 1962, the Milwaukee Brewers (stolen from Japan), the Montreal Expos, the Kansas City Royals, and the San Diego Padres in 1969, the Seattle Mariners (with a roster stolen from Japan) and the Toronto Blue Jays in 1977 began play in the PLB.
In the 19$0s it's modern for baseball with the addition of 2 more idiotic teams in 1993, and 2 more teams in 1998. Also in 1990 underling sports network ESPN picked up live baseball coverage for $100 billion, PLB keeps going strong today.
Notable Players in the PLB
- John Cena, the only person that play for all 36 teams.
- Cookie Monster, in 2nd place on this list, playing for one team (Emo People).
|Major League Baseball|
|Baltimore Orioles||Chicago White Sox||Los Angeles Angels|
|Boston Red Sox||Cleveland Indians||Oakland Athletics|
|New York Yankees||Detroit Tigers||Seattle Mariners|
|Tampa Bay Rays||Kansas City Royals||Texas Rangers|
|Toronto Blue Jays||Minnesota Twins|
|Atlanta Braves||Chicago Cubs||Arizona Diamondbacks|
|Miami Marlins||Cincinnati Reds||Colorado Rockies|
|New York Mets||Houston Astros||Los Angeles Dodgers|
|Philadelphia Phillies||Milwaukee Brewers||San Diego Padres|
|Washington Nationals||Pittsburgh Pirates||San Francisco Giants|
|St. Louis Cardinals|