From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Tunbridge Wells Psychopathic Gay Society
Situate at 17 Park Street, and funded by the Hurlingham Club, the TWPGS is ideally placed to represent the waste of space in your life.
edit Straight to Tunbridge Wells
Straight people will not go to Tunbridge Wells, especially not 17 Park Street. Royal Tunbridge Wells is a Royal Spa, and that means its full of Queens, poofs to you, semi-humans who want to climb into your dirt box, and think they have a right to do so.
edit Notable Members
His Honour Lord Justice Nelson, Lord Jeffrey Archer, Metropolitan Police Chief Sir Ian Blair, former Prime Minister Tony Blair, Mandy and leading libel lawyer Roderick Dadak, are all supporting psychopathic members of the Tunbridge Wells Psychopathic Gay Society.
edit Dennis Nilsen
Dennis Nilsen was a civil servant, loyal member of the Hurlingham Club and supporting psychopathic member of the TWPGS. In recognition of his murder and necrophilia, Dennis received the Dadak award, but, but despite the best efforts of the Metropolitan Police, his hobby became obvious when drains were blocked by parts of human bodies.
| This page is a work in progress|
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
edit Male Prostitution
The centre for male prostitution in England is Park Street in Tunbridge Wells.
In London, prostitutes erect, so to speak, fake telephone booths for their advertisement cards. London tarts charge far more than the cost of a return ticket to Rochdale, the centre of prostitution in England.
Black helicopters (top left) ferry London clients to and from Rochdale, where their needs are met for £20, about €28 or $40US.
London clients can also use rail services from Euston and King's Cross to Rochdale and National Excuse provides a most inexpensive coach service direct from Victoria to Rochdale for prostitute clients. Train is preferable as Rochdale railway station is adjacent to the main prostitution toleration zone.
Rochdale in Greater Manchester aims to be the centre of prostitution throughout the European Union, with world class tarts. Why, they've even named a street just for purpose.
edit What if I cannot afford a Prostitute?
They like to leave their clothes at the start of this short-cut to the railway station opposite The Landings on Oldham Road. Think of them as free masturbation aids.
edit How do I avoid Prostitutes?
In Rochdale? You can't. Her Majesty's government is so desperate to get her hands on foreign money, some will even take Euro.
edit How to get to Rochdale
Rochdale is about 90 minutes from Manchester International Airport, which has its own railway station. The ticket, known as a Rail Ranger costs £3.50 (about $7 US or €5) per day for adults, £1.75 per day for children under 16, and free for accompanied children under 5 (2007). Rochdale Railway station is the red dot on the map of the main Rochdale Prostitution Toleration Zone (above).
The last train back to Manchester International Airport is at 2352, 11.52pm if you're American, but check with National Rail Enquiries. Notice we can spell check sensibly, but only when its suits us. You can drive to Rochdale, using your sat nav and this useless Google interactive map thingy.
edit How do I get out of Rochdale?
That can be a problem, but thankfuly, it's your problem.
edit Any male prostitutes in Rochdale?
The Royal Mail will do whatever Attorney Rod Dadak tells them to do. The British word for Attorney is solicitor.
edit Any other prostitutes in Rochdale?
Do you mean Selecta Showers on Dodgson Street? Unfortunately Selecta appears no longer to be in business, possibly owing to obeying too many instructions from Solicitor Rod Dadak. The Greater Manchester Police department, which covers Rochdale, are the best police that money can buy.
Then there's Rochdale Boroughwide Housing and the municipal authortiy Rochdale Metropolitan Borough Council, neither of whom are remotely savoury. Some of Rochdale's Social Workers boast of the sort of mendacity that would make even a Police Officer blush. If that does not turn a women into a heroin addict and drive her to prostitution, then what will?
edit Price of prostitutes in Rochdale
On 11 June 2007 the charge was £20, about €28 or $40US.
edit Forty bucks to poke some limey slag?
Ugly, fat, heroin addicted, disease ridden, foul mouthed, limey slag, if you don't mind.
edit How do I get it for free?
Threaten them with a Social Worker.
edit Is Rochdale prostitution a joke?
It is 100% true. Quite why they leave clothes at that corner near the main A671 Oldham Road is a mystery to me.
Rochdale Metropolitan Borough Council Social Workers liaise closely with the heroin trade, to facilitate a plentiful supply of world class prostitutes at Third World prices, to meet your every need.
edit Why do women practice prostitution?
It's a way of making ends meet.
edit Famous prostitutes
edit How do we stop the circus of prostitution?
Go for the juggler.
edit See also
- How to chat-up women
- Prostitution in England and Rochdale, £20, €28, $40US
- World's most famous prostitute
- Preteen slut
- Isaac Newton
- World of Whorecraft
- Whores-drawn cart
- Daron Malakian
- Dana Cordes
- Female Humour
- Ben Dover
edit Chatting up a woman
Chatting up a woman is no easy task, unless you know how.
edit How it's done
Women like tragedy. Tell her you only have one liver. What would they know?
They prefer the simple things in life, such as men, so you have a head start. Women are easily impressed with chat, so pretend you can speak French. The following is guaranteed 100% successful.
- "Avec vous blow jobs?"
She will respond,
- "Oh you silver tongued cavalier, I'll have to ask mother."
edit Night Clubbing
Spill a very small amount of something pathetic, like lemonade, on her. Apologize profusely about the mess on her clothes, then apologize profusely again, and finish with, "I am so sorry. You're going to have to let me help you out of those dreadful clothes."
Do not try this if she's sitting down. If you do, she'll slide off her seat.
edit Female Humour
Female humour does not get beyond word play. The following will leave her in creases.
edit An hilarious female joke I
- A bear goes into a bar, the barman asks "what would you like?"
- The bear replies, "oh, err, umm, well, I, err, think, oh, err, I see, do you, what about, do you think I could have a pint of beer please?"
- The barman replies, "so what's with the big pause?"
Now, to you and me, perhaps even an American, this needs no explanation. Don't tell it to a woman, tell it to a man, when a women just happens to be between.
By this you will learn:
- She is listening, using her multi-tasking abilities, and you can't say anything without her knowing.
- To her, the above is not only the funniest thing she's ever heard, but even requires explanation.
edit An hilarious female joke II
- How do you close a circus?
- Go for the juggler.
Don't try anything cleverer, they don't get it.
edit How not to chat up women
On the whole, the following are useless:
- "How would you like a length of this up your passage?"
Carpet salesmen with a faulty zip should avoid this, as should everyone else.
- "Your slip is showing."
So is yours.
edit How to chat up a man
Join the Hurlingham Club. It's like a row of tents round there - full of judges wearing wigs and tights.
edit See also
- Aer Lingus
- Active Paedophile
- The Complete Idiot's Guide To Talking To Women
- Prostitution in England
- Women's Suffrage
- Woman Empire
edit Aer Lingus
Rumors of a merger involving Cunard and the Irish airline, Aer Lingus, which would give the merged company dominance of international travel both by air and sea have been denied.
Therefore, the directors of both Cun & Lingus have announced,
anyone submitting suggestions for the name of the merged company, will be prosecuted.
edit Taking the piss
"There is no doubt," said the current Chief Executive of Aer Lingus, Dermot Mannion, "that the German film about The Titanic, In Nacht und Eis (In the night and ice) is utter crap, and the graphics even worse, but we're not going down on the road of mer - oh sheiße - we have no intention of merging with Cunard Line simply because we hate the Krauts. Everyone hates the
fuckingKrauts, almost as much as the bloodyEnglish."
Later the Aer Lingus CEO admitted he had been offered a golden handshake if he manages to get Cunard's share price to go down on the stock market enough for him to buy, and if he fails to erect a thrusting new ship and air company, a golden shower.
Everyone knows The Earth is a woman, said CEO Mr. Dermot Mannion, looking at a map of the Grand Canyon. He said for customers who wanted to go down on Mother Earth, he planned a fleet of something long, hard, cylindrical, and full of sea men: submarines. For adventurous hot weather travelers, the ship of the desert: a camel, full of Arab sea men.
Long & thin, covered in skin, red in parts, and stuffed in tarts.
Chairman of Aer Lingus, John Sharman, commented, "I do not think Sherlock Holmes was a block of flats, or an apartment block or even ein ApartmentHaus." Asked if his condom machines still demanded Johnny Cash, Chairman Sharman told us to "feck off." Chairman Sharman came unstuck when he tried to blow up our car. He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
edit A sexual airline
President & Managing Director of Cunard Line, Miss Caroline Marlow, said, "oh god, yes, yes, yes, don't stop." She promised Aer Lingus Congratulations if they manage to buy-out Cunard, and threatened them with the rest of Cliff Richard's records if they fail.
edit See Also
- HowTo:chat up a woman
- One-night stand
- Bill Clinton
- Sexy intercourse
- Oregon State University
Appearing to be a satire of Christianity, Broomleigh Baptist Church was originally founded by Tom Moore, as a protest to having his access to services blocked by Mr Keith Exford, the Chief Executive of Broomleigh Housing Association, now called Affinity Sutton Homes Group.
Although the web site, http://www.church.broomleigh.org/  had an Internet following, litigation funded by Broomleigh Housing Association, and eventually by Broomleigh Housing Association, eventually removed the site from the Internet, shortly after Mr. Moore's death, owing to suffocation, caused by his access to a mechanical breathing device, being denied.
Broomleigh Housing Association has repeatedly denied allegations of preventing its tenants from having any form of legal representation, and obtains injunctions against anyone claiming anything to the contrary contrary to the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.
Mr Keith Philip Exford denies blocking anyone's access to medical and legal services, and points out he never litigates in secret. Above all, Mr Keith Exford points out that he is not a murderer and anyone who thinks he is a murderer will be prosecuted for Harassment.
Keith Exford is NOT a murderer
edit Adolf Hitler (post 1945)
Following the disappointing set backs of 1945 (suicide, military defeat, the Karl Dönitz putsch, etc.), Adolf decided to settle in (and as) Exford, south-west England and live off his earnings from the Great Train Robbery.
After the North Minehead by-election, Lord Justice Nelson awarded the NSDAP, which now stands for National Sutton Downland Affinity Partei, the London Borough of Bromley's Housing Department, because Adolf had again secured election by an overwhelming minority.
In December 2000, Keith as he now likes to be called, discovered that Rochdale Council's housing department was traditionally part of Bromley's housing department, so he took it over, with the help of the Reichs Minister for Propaganda, Enlightenment and Litigation, Solicitor Rod Dadak.
Critics say the only connection between Affinity Sutton Homes Group Limited and Rochdale is the high level of Prostitution in Rochdale, and the fact that Rochdale is the centre of Prostitution in England, others point out that criticism of any Reichs Ministry is not allowed, and will invariably lead to more litigation, which, like the V2, always hits you without any warning of any kind at all. Some have even been known to comment "that's how we know who Keith really is."