User:Kip the Dip/Why?:Kwanzaa isn't a real holiday

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Kwanzaa family

Leave me alone, culturally-proud family.

I am so sick of Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa this, Kwanzaa that. I can't go one week in the last week of December without hearing about freaking Kwanzaa. Just today, the President wished "warms greetings to all of those celebrating Kwanzaa." Bah! This nonsense has even crept its way into the highest levels of government.

Normally, I wouldn't care, but society insists on having Kwanzaa shoved down my throat. Thus, I will expose it for what it truly is: A phony, made-up, plagiarizing, racialist holiday.

edit Disclaimer

Before you jump up my ass, let me first make it clear that I am not a racist. In fact, a number of my co-workers are black, and I don't even think twice about the safety of the office supplies. In fact, I'm letting my teenage daughter date a nice mulatto boy and I haven't even given him one of my customary blood tests usually obligated by the boys to whom Angela dates.

Clearly, I've paid my dues to the multicultural assimilation bank. I may have even picked up some of the lingo. Word in, I pop a lock and get jiggly with it, yo-yo. Ain't nothing but a g-string, baby. Ugh! Baby got black! You cannot touch this. I would like you to take a minute and just sit right there; I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. South SIIIIIDE!

Thus, if you think I have illy intentions toward my Afromerican homos, you can drop that shit now, dog.

(Translation for those of Anglo-European descent: I'm not racist.)

The holiday known as Kwanzaa, however, is very racist, as I will explain.

edit History

Note to Dr. Karanga: Extra 'a' does not a new holiday make.

Why would anyone celebrate a holiday based around the philosophy of a accused criminal?

Black Nationalism goes against the spirit of multiculturalism, to which I'm also opposed.

Rather than being a melting pot, they want everyone to keep their own traditions without blending them. Like some kind of salad skinny homosexuals enjoy.

Now I'm not trying to put down Afromericans. If they want a harvest celebration that honors their roots, very well. However, it is possible to celebrate the harvest without subtle racial implications, like Americans generally do with Thanksgiving.

edit Symbols


Add black to stolen Christmas colors and you have a delicious Black Power sandwhich.

Can you imagine if I invented a holiday with a central Confederate flag symbol celebrating Southern heritage and I used it to replace the 4th of July? I'd be lynched everyone outside of Alabama.

Okay, maybe 'lynched' is a poor choice of words, but you understand my point.

Next, we have this candle holder thing known as the kinara.

Looks an awful lot like the menorah thing Jewish people use for Hanukkah, right? That's because it basically is a stolen menorah. There's absolutely nothing African about this. It's bad enough to ride on the coat-tails of the biggest holiday of the year, but to plagiarize the Jews? That's low.


Yes, yes, Jesus is great, but you need to stop changing the subject.

Unlike the tradition of lighting one candle every night, the seven candles are supposed to represent the Seven Principles of Kwanzaa, which I will explain.... now.

edit Seven Principles

Finally, we delve into what is known as the 'The Seven Principles of Kwanzaa.

  • Umoja - Unity
"Unity", of course, meaning "us against whitey!"
I swear to God I'm not a racist.
  • Kujichagulia - Self-Determination
I have no problem with this one, as long as it encourages one to shun the welfare office.
  • Ujima - Collective Work and Responsibility
Now this is where the true communist colors of this holiday emerge. (And they were doing so well with that 'self-determination' thing.) Workers of the world, unite! Overthrow the bourgeois excess of the Christmas shopping season and submit to the eternal black spirit!
  • Ujamaa - Cooperative Economics
What did I say? They plan revolution one day, implant socialism the next. Bah! I don't want cooperative economics; I want competitive economics! Competition everywhere! Black Friday over black Friday! I am John Galt.
  • Nia - Purpose
Sure, if your purpose is to get off of welfare.
  • Kuumba - Creativity
Sure, if your creativity involves you getting a job.
  • Imani - Faith
Put your faith in Christ, not some racial secular humanist faggotry.

edit In Conclusion

Kwanzaa is not a real celebration. It's a fabricated occasion meant to be a cultural and spiritual alternative to the predominantly celebrated winter holiday for a minority population, with aspects stolen from other holidays and cultures. It should have nothing to do with the pure holiday of Christmas. Ponder this as you decorate your evergreen, hang your mistletoe, and light your Yule log.

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