User:Kip the Dip/UnNews:Barack Obama eats babies

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X Month 2008


America, I present to you your messiah.

[PLACE OF RALLY] - I had the pleasure of attending a campaign rally for Senator Barack Obama. The atmosphere was exuberant.

A huge uproar swept over the room as as the man of the hour had finally entered. He gave an awe inspiring speech about hope, and change for America. The crowd cheered his praises, and I couldn't help but join them. But what happened next shocked me beyond belief.

He interrupted himself mid-sentence with, "Excuse me for one moment," leaving the audience and me confused. Suddenly, he turned around and snatched a woman's baby while she was breast feeding, and he began to eat it. The crowd screamed as he devoured the poor infant. Wiping the blood off his chin, he continued, "Where was I? Oh right. Change for health care!" The majority of the people immediately left disgusted. The remainder stood there silently in shock. His speech ended with an awkward applause. Once he left, I had to interview some people.

Finally, I managed to ask one of his staff members a question. "Why on earth did Mr. Obama eat a baby?" She answered, "Oh, he was probable just hungry. We've been traveling all week, and he's had very little to eat. He's also sleep-deprived, so he probably just thought it was a ham."

Meat or no meat, a man that steals something from a lady is no gentlemen. Should this monster be president of the free world? This reporter thinks not.

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