User:Kip the Dip/TPTDE

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~ Oscar Wilde on the page that doesn't exist
“Does that mean the spoon doesn't...exist either?! Whoa. My brain feels like its competing with itself”
~ Keanu Reeves on who knows wtf this guy is talking about
“What page?”
~ Captain Obvious on the page that doesn't exist

You heard me. This page does not exist. It is a figment of your imagination and the Internet’s “creativity”.

The page that doesn't exist

The page that does not exist.

edit If this page doesn't exist, then where am I?

What you are currently viewing is not the page that does not exist. Rather, it is a representation of it. While that may be slightly hypocritical, given that something that doesn’t exist can’t be replicated (otherwise, it would have been created and would thus exist), this is not the case for the page that does not exist.

edit What the hell?

Yes, I know. It doesn't make sense. But since this is the Internet we're dealing with, sense has never really been an issue.

edit History and Background


The world's first non-existant page.

The Internet is a world of its own. It defies the very basic laws of our universe- time, gravity, dividing by zero, and yes, even existence. If you really think about it, any part of any Web page you ever view is just a string of 0's and 1's.

Somewhere within these massive chains of binary code lies an anomaly. A flaw in the design. The Internet was designed to be perfect, but this could not be so. Most users rejected the system, and the stress of such failure spawned holes in the space-time-Internet continuum. From one of these holes emerged the page that does not exist. This is the sixth time this page will have not existed; and let me tell you, we have become quite good at de-existifying it.

edit What to do

Theoretically, this page cannot be accessed on the Internet, since it doesn't exist. But as evidenced by online dating services, anything is possible online. So in case you DO find the page that doesn't exist (even though you can't), do the following:

  • Unequip any weapons you might be carrying, and remove your shoes.
  • Relax.
  • Tap three mountains and your pivoting TFT screen, put a red cyborg virus creature token into play. Play this ability as an instant.
  • Don't look it straight in the eye. This can make it nervous.
  • Calmly and slowly, without any sudden movements, exit the page. There are several methods to doing this: pressing the "X" at the top-right hand of the screen, pressing Alt+F4, shutting down your computer, ritualistically summoning the blue screen of death, or calmly and slowly kicking your hard drive.
  • Relax.
  • Wait.
  • If the page that does not exist is still (not) there, consider switching your operating system to Windows 3.1. If you already have Windows 3.1, consider downgrading to Windows ME.
  • If, at any point during this process your computer should stall, freeze, crash, spontaneously combust, grow legs and walk away, decompose, or turn smarter than you, you may proceed to:
  • Panic.

If none of the above steps have any effect, refer here.

Not to be confused with this page, which doesn't exist.

Also...You didn't see anything...


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