User:Kip the Dip/Antarctica
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21 December, 2012
South Pole, Antarctica -- While everyone else has the End of the World on their minds today, UnNews has traveled to another 'end of the world', that is the say, the very end: The South Pole. We're visiting the fortress of the revolutionary leftists groud Deep Cold Resistence and discuss their plans to created an anarchist commune out of the entire continent of Antarctica.
Here we meet with DCR's founder and spokesperson Kelvin Thomson to interview him on concept and strategy.
How did you come up with the idea to bring anarchy to Antarctica?
- It came to me one night in a dream, and it just seemed to make sense. There's already no government and no civilization here. It's pretty much already in a state of anarchy; it just needs some fucking people.
- Really, what better place is there to build a new world? Plus, we want to give the current world antidote to that slavemaster pig Santa Claus at the North.
Why couldn't you have done this on any of the other continents? It would seem more practical to instigate revolution where people actually live, where the weather is hospitable. Most of humanity lives in the Northern hemisphere, anyway.
- Naw, everyone's already doing what you just described. We wanted to do something different. Anything near or above the equator is too mainstream.
- Well, besides the fact that I follow Marx's materialist interpretation of the world, I generally like to compare the political spectrum to temperature. Society can be measure by degrees of oppression, coercion, unfreedom and inegalitarianism. In a world of "heat", modern liberal democracy would be lukewarm, while a perfect anarchist society is near Absolute Zero. In other words, extreme cold is true freedom. Hence, Antarctica!
- Furthering this analogy, we can see that capitalism is creating a lot of global warming. I would classify boiling to be the beginning of Fascism and extreme heat to be the level of the bourgeoisie. Oops! I meant to say the Borg, from Star Trek. ...OR DID I?
What specific form of anarchism do you wish to achieve?
- Communist. We call it Antarcto-Communism. Although, since there's no industry or agriculture here, we'll have to start from scratch. Fortunately, we think the extreme climate is the perfect environment for a radically cooperative society. Meanwhile, there should be plenty of penguins to hunt and gather.
So you're anti-capitalism?
- Hell yeah! These greedy, suit-wearing aristocrats just love being on top the world. Well, look at us, bitches. We're at the very bottom!
What is your strategy here? How do see this as revolutionary?
- Well, we start living here and create a utopian society. Other people will hear about it and be all like, "Hey, that place sounds cool. Let's go live there," and then it will grow. They'll start a trade and, eventually, it'll be an inhabited continent and the rest of the world will soon follow our model.
- Dude, do you wanna jinx us?! Try "Indigenous peoples who travelled into North America tens of thousands of years before those turkey-eating pirates did". If anything, we're Eskimos!
Okay, you're Eskimos.
- Thank you.
Following my interview with Mr. Thomson, I went Christmas shopping at the South Pole's official gift shop. I bought some penguin dolls and a snow globe. Just some cheap crap to make my girlfriend's kids happy. Personally, I think communism can't come sooner.