This week's loser
Best known in for his jacked-up grill and plunging American television into further awe-inspiring depths of stupidity, William Richard Martin Hung moved to California from Hong Kong in hopes of graduating high school. After seven years in the eleventh grade, Hung was awarded a completion of high school certificate, which from a few feet away, looks very much like a high school diploma. Hung proceeded to attend classes at UC Berkeley, until security escorted him off campus.
His luck changed after winning a local singing talent contest, held in a living room within his house where he was the only contestant and also served as judge. Inspired, Hung ended up singing at local town meetings and events. Although Hung has always claimed he was asked to perform at these functions, the grand majority of the time he was actually asked to stop, stop ... please fucking stop. (Really, no more.)
Recently voted out: BENSON - Braydie - Codeine - Insineratehymn - Ljlego - Mhaille - Oscar Wilde - Sannse - Savethemooses - The Thinker - Zombiebaron
Did you know...
- ...that was just dreadful?
- ...that you can't sing whatsoever?
- ...I'm rich enough to hire someone to kill you, and after that performance I'm genuinely considering it?
- ...that the only reason Paula said 'yes' is because she's drunk off her ass?
- ...or maybe just she wants to sleep with you?
- ...I'm not really British?
On this day...
| |July 11: International Pull My Finger Day
; Fake Fart Appreciation Day (Rural Alabama, Georgia)
- BC 1250 - John Titor present at the Battle of Troy but leaves upon discovering absence of internet discussion boards to incessantly babble on.
- 1307 - Walter Tell, offspring of the famed archery enthusiast William Tell, pioneered the art of Interpretive Death by creatively expiring after suffering a major crossbow incident.
- 1796 - The United States takes possession of Detroit from Great Britain under the terms of the Jay Treaty. Great Britain immediately regrets this transaction when the Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup in 1798.
- 1804 - Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton is mortally wounded in a duel with United States Vice President Aaron Burr in the last major political duel before the Political Dueling Edict of 1822 was imposed by the new generation of sissy-boy lawmakers.
- 1859 - A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens is published. Oscar Wilde immediately parodies many of Dickens' concepts in his novel the Picture of Dorain Gray.
- 1864 - The American Civil War does not live up to its name as a Civil War, as pleasantries are barely exchanged before the Battle of Fort Stevens.
- 1925 - Famous monster Oscar the Grouch (pictured) is born in the slums of Sesame Street. He does not earn the added moniker of "Grouch" until he resorts to selling candy to children after bedtime following a long string of hardships.
- 1955 - John Titor arrives in Hill Valley after being fired in 2037 from his radio gig, seeks out Doc Brown's counsel about how to get really rich.
- 1961 - President Kennedy has sex with his wife, initiating J. Edgar Hoover's investigation of cross dressing in organized crime, the State Department and Marks and Spencer's Men's Department.
- 1963 - John Titor becomes billionaire on betting on the World Series. Later returns to 2036 and retires.
- 1997 - Prime Minister John Major loses election after telling a "pull my finger" joke to the Queen, creating a grave scandal. She was later overheard to say that "We are most assuredly not amused".
- 2000 - A person called John Titor claims to be a time traveler from the year 2036 on several internet discussion boards. Many Coast To Coast AM listeners immediately believe him and the guy who said President Obama was born in a large, purple egg laid by an ostrich from the Crab Nebula.
- 2001 - Tony Blair legalizes public same sex farting in the Commonwealth, violating the Statute Of Westminster (1931) (a law which says the UK should mind its own business and get lost).
- 2002 - Tony Blair's farting legalisation is rescinded when Queen Elizabeth II farts on bill rather than granting the Royal Assent. Protesters at Buckingham Palace fart in the Queen's general direction.
- 2012 - Dennis Rader still a useless, disgusting, sick murdering bastard.
- 2013 - Barry Manilow's nose explodes after he falls for a "pull my finger joke". Gas comes out wrong orifice, killing 43.
- 2036 - John Titor returns to his own time and takes over hosting duties on Coast To Coast AM, opening with his signature line "Na na na na, told you so!".
- 2037 - John Titor fired as radio host for being obnoxious. Returns to 1955, becomes billionaire betting the last 82 FA Cup Finals, World Series and Super Bowls.