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edit Today Is The First Day Of Your Life
Today you wake up as a new person. A person ready for adventure. You finally upgraded to Windows Vista, your secret crush became your girlfriend, and your loving mom made you a cherry pie. You secretly hide the pie, anticipating for those cold, lonely nights ahead. And all this before your big journey? Must be good luck right?
A few minutes later Windows Vista is bugging like a person with Parkinson's disease, your secret crush confesses of being a guy, and that isn't cherry pie, that's raspberry pie. You always hated your mother, and for good reason. You wonder to yourself if there's worse to come, or maybe it's all just a coincidence...right?
You quietly leave your house as your mother falls asleep from watching Waterworld, I don't blame her. Err anyways you walk up to the local laboratory to score yourself a free Pokemon. Oddly there isn't a door in sight, and there's a big "GO AWAY AND DIE" sign in front of the front wall of the lab. Ah but you're cunning, so you took a stick of dynamite you found in an airport once and blew yourself an entrance!
edit Meeting Professor Olipro
You come into the laboratory to find the fat slob sound asleep. You grab a chopstick that you found from a random chopstick box and start poking the Professor's cheeks and belly. Still the fat man is out like a rock. You finally had to take drastic measures, you start poking the Professor's hernia.
Professor Olipro: Ughh, what time is it? Ugh man, what a rave last night was...hey...who the hell are you? How did you even get in here?!....name please...
A) Loserballmans B) StinkyButtBalloons C) Bob
Professor Olipro: Bob, what a boring name that is! You do seem like a boring person. I'm quite bored talking to you...maybe you should go play with my son...his name is uh...uhh...do you know his name? Damn Alzheimer's...
A) Rick B) Dan C) TesticularCancerLover
Professor Olipro: TesticularCancerLover, man that was a great name I gave my son! I'm so proud of my great naming skills! So...can you leave now? What? You want Pokemans or...Pokemon? Oh you mean those creepy little bastards that you young brats use for cock fighting? Sure I got a few, you know sometimes being a scientist doesn't pay that well...and I sometimes go to the...anyways...what sort of Pokemon do you desire?
A) Cat - Has a purrfect charm on little sisters. Unable to control scratching reflexes. B) Dog - So faithful to mankind, it would gladly take a bullet for you. Bodily functions are random and uncontrollable. C) Fish - A poor man's shark. Has no teeth to eat pirates.
Professor Olipro:' Um, yah those are the Pokemons...just choose one...
Professor Olipro: Oh what a crappy choice! Well it's your loss, now get the fuck out.
edit Your Journey Finally Begins
You now have your very own Pokemon and is ready to take on that big world! You realize you have no clue where to go, but as long as it's not in this village dump, it's alright with you. There's mainly two routes, the dark alley that is being patrolled by large black men, or the simple maze made for virgins and losers. You of course pick the maze...well you did.
You walk through the maze only to have your very first Pokemon encounter! You grab your poke balls, you're ready to cock fight.
edit Pokemon Battle
Your enemy is...a...Mexican Gardener!
Mexican Gardener: Tengo gusto del Tacos!
You throw your cat out!
What do you want to do?
A) Attack, fail, and have cat thrown into a bean stew B) Escape C) Shout an absurd internet meme while escaping.
Cat: DESU DESU DESU! ^___^
Mexican Gardener: Ese gato parece delicioso.
You safely escaped!
edit Your Journey Continues
You finally found yourself out of the maze and really wished you didn't throw out that pie....even if it was a raspberry pie. Although you might have lost some of your dignity on your journey so far, you are determined to become the number one trainer in the world. Or become a porn star. Whatever you horny teens are into.
Well boys and girls, thats all for now. Wait next week to see more of the exciting, mind tingling, nerve rattling, adventures of Bob and his amazing Cat!