From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“The most awesome thing to happen to mankind since... Well... Hmm.....”
“Why is he here? Well... Do we ask why God is here? Such questions shouldn't be answered.”
“A true master of the Smash Brawl universe...”
“He helped me cross the road! ...Right into KFC.”
“I'm glad I'm abnormal! It's always better to be ab(ove)normal than simply normal!”
“... Are you me?”
“Is this article about me?”
“YEAH! I GOT INTO HIS QUOTES!!! WOO!!!!!”
“How the hell did you get into Kewkky's quotes?”
“Uncyclopedia is WAY better than Wikipedia! The things written here ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE! I use it for homework and projects!”
“Luis Angel Rodriguez Camacho says "2+2 es 4!"”
“BANANA!!! YELLOW IS FOR BANANA!!!”
Xavy, Xavier, Kewkky, Javier, Kewk... Whichever name you saw, they are all pointing in the direction of one person: Kewkky. What is this Kewkky that we speak of? All that you'll never be.
edit What exactly is Kewkky?
Kewkky is a simple human being, just like you and your friends and family... Except that Kewkky isn't as simple as you might think he is. He is:
- A mentally-ill psycopath waiting for someone to throw him a punch, so he can have an excuse when he's sent to court for manslaughter.
- A mastermind of all things scientific, psychological, technological, entertainment, and diligence... Best part is: He knows the secret on how to be all of this and NOT be a nerd.
- Gamer extraordinaire! Any game that piques his interests, he masters and surpasses whoever showed him the game, just so he can tell them "Naw, I'm not that good, I'm just lucky", which would mean indirectly: "If I'm not good and just lucky, what does that make YOU, since you can't beat me?"... Perfection!
- Student of 2 completely different colleges so far!
I'll add more when I feel like it. I don't need anyone telling me when to edit my crap, cuz I'M the editor, so HA.
edit Who are Kewkky's friends?
The people who laugh at his obviously constructive and well thought-out jokes, Kewkky's friend. Some people might think this to be an easy task, but only those born with the Blessings of AAA can attain these heights. Why AAA specifically? Because while writing this here page, Kewkky got bored and wanted to put in AAA's name somewhere, thats why. Why not a quote, you say? Cuz quotes are just that: Quotes. And AAA has never talked to anyone. Read your stuff, dude.
He's also completely against prejudice. The only people he doesn't like have been added to his maplestory blacklist because of things they have consciously done, not because Kewkky is a racist, sexist, or geologist... Which he is not, either. Until now, he has made a few enemies, but most see the error of their ways and decide that "Enough is enough!", and join Kewkky's side: The side of GREATNESS!
edit Random facts about Kewkky
Want to hear some FF's, some FunFacts? Well, good for you! There aren't fun, though, Kewkky just wrote them here cuz he wanted to write a list:
- Kewkky mains Zero-Suit Samus in Smash Brawl, seconds Kirby, thirds Jigglypuff, and fourths Snake... You have been warned.
- He has the agility of Altair from Assassin's Creed, the strength of Hulk Hogan on steroids then transformed into Hulk, and the wisdom of a thousand year old man, but he hasn't discovered them yet.
- He has perfected different accents, including Old English, Mexican, Jamaican, Old Spanish, Australian, Redneck, Hyrulean, Metalcore, Pastrami and Pepperoni.
- He can be found inside cookie jars.
- Kewkky was derived from the greek word Cookie, which means "Amazing".
- He's played some MMORPG's, a few MMORTSPG's, a couple of MMOBBRTSTBPG's, and quite a number of normal PG's. What's a PG? Well, a PG is simpl
- He wrote this here list by himself, while talking to his friends Emma, Rob and Mark through MSN. He then copied it and pasted it here from his old account and modified it. Pretty neat, huh?
- He likes EVERY SINGLE GENRE of music, except over half the genres.
- He is psychologically ill, but unable to seek help thanks to his mental complexities.
- His parents told him he suffers from ADHD, but they're too lazy to give him proof of that (which could have given him a few boosts and bonuses in college...).
- He is too lazy to simply write a blog somewhere, so while searching out random topics in Uncyclopedia, he decided to make himself a topic.
- He wrote 6 blank facts in his so-called List of Random Facts
- He is a fan of Death Note, some Naruto episodes, and Bleach's first 60 episodes... And some other anime shows which he doesn't even remember their name.
- Everything he does is always left.
- Everything he does is always right.
- Everything he does is always forward.
- He enjoys long walks around beaches ONLY if they include sugary treats.
- He follows AAA's gaming accomplishments. He also uses AAA's to power his brother's wireless Gamecube controller.
- He visits a few forums here in the internet, like MapleTip, Divinity, Star-Fury, SmashBoards, and... I guess that's it.
- He has a FaceBook account which is rarely used and viewed... Send him comments so he can have 1,000 notifications! He has a black avatar thingy.
- He thinks things through before doing them, so he's slow accelerating, but his top speed is out of this world.
- He shifts, he molds, he forms, and he creates. What does he create? Many things, like for exampl
- He cuts off sentences so people are left in susp
- Welcome. Won't you please step aside and FOLLOW THE HOLLOW!?
- He has a nasty spending habit that is immensely difficult to break. This and the fact that he likes gluing smiles on people's faces point out that he is always in a state of poverty.
- HE IS ALWAYS IN A STATE OF POVERTY!
- STATE OF POVERTY!!!
- Apparently he got bored while writing these here facts.
- So he's just writing and moving onto the next
- fact. Like so.
- He left some blank facts again. What the fuck is wrong with him?
- To summon him, you have to touch the middle of your left buttcheek with your right elbow. If you can already do this or are thinking of atempting to do so, then it's only fair that I tell you I'm laughing at you because it crossed your mind.
- He was born being a savvy, a PRO. So cut the shit with the whole "You were once a noob too!" gimmicks.
- He has a dislike towards people who call themselves hacker but all they do is download hacks from a website... What amazing hacking prowess, huh?
- If you tell him you made an account in Star-Fury, he'll find you and kill you just because he can, and it's free.
- In the Bible, it says "Thou shalt praise and behold all that is Kewkky, and all that is not... Glory, thy name is Kewkky!" ...... I won't say what Bible says this, though... Just be sure it's not THE Bible what I'm talking about. Because God rules. End of story. God. Indeed.
- God rules.
- So, sometimes he gets into a religious debate... Which isn't really that big of a deal, until you find out it's himself he's debating.
- He can more or less predict the future by linking chains of events and using logic and physics to determine the effect of said actions. Not really scientific, but hey, it's true!
- If you don't know what a strangelet is, then you, sir, are a n00b.
- Besides socializing, Kewkky has a life no one knows about that involves candy, grues, taxis, and screwdrivers.
- He might be a pro-procrastinator, but whatever catches his attention immediately gains his attention. 'Nuff said.
- He is a professional rester.
- Some of his pictures are messed up. Once he gets around to it, he'll fix 'em up.
- He has never worn gloves on his feet.
- He'll put some more later. He got bored already.
edit Games Kewkky can kick your ass in
So what if it's a little crude, or egotistical? It's written that way so people would feel the need to challenge Kewkky to a match, not to present some sad, stupid and arrogant humor. So, take it as a direct challenge from Kewkky!
- Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Brawl FC: 0173-1878-9122... LEAVE YOURS AS A COMMENT IF YOU ADD ME!)
- Worms Armageddon
- Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
- Hide and Seek
- Seek and Destroy
- Hide and Destroy
- Hide, Seek and Destroy
- Russian Roulette
- Parkour, even Hardcore Parkour
If you think Kewkky's wrong in any of the above games or whatever is listed there, find him either in real life or the internet and challenge him to a match. I bet you'll find yourself asking people "What IS Kewkky?!"... That's how much he likes challenging people. Sure, he might suck at one or two of the games... Maybe he sucks in them all, and he's just taunting you to challenge him, but the point of the matter is it's a challenge... Now, are you gonna wuss out?
- He has internet poroblems at the moment. Stand by until further notice!
edit A serious thing about Kewkky
He is a very psychological, philosophical, and intelligent person. You ask him a question, or challenge his smarts with a debate, and he will light your eyes like firecrackers on the Fourth of July! He is very helpful, and spends his time helping others from time to time. That doesn't mean he doesn't have problems of his own, of course. He has quite a few, but just like any philosopher, he denies he needs help and makes himself look great because of human pride. Sucks, huh? So, if you see him around anywhere, be it in a forum or something, don't forget to deposit $5.00 on his Paypal account.
edit Pissing off Kewkky
It is rumored that if you piss off Kewkky, you die in mysterious ways. He says that each person has his own "Signature Death", so he never repeats the same method (unless the guy survives, or he confuses two people). He's been kind enough to share with us a few methods he's used to "get back" on people who have pissed him off:
- He kicks their ass in Super Smash Bros Brawl. Kills them all in a different way every time.
- He knocked a blind man down and butt-slammed his face in.
- He kidnaps bad people and makes them play a "game", where you have to pay a price to save your life,or die trying. Oh wait... That's Jigsaw from Saw, not Kewkky. Still, Kewkky could do some bad things to bad people, I guess...
- He once told a guy to grab hold of a heavy box he had, and while the guy was busy concentrating his strength on not dropping the box, he stabbed the man in his kidneys!
- This one guy said Zergs suck, and laughed at Kewkky, so he sent him a Zergling rush............. Through the phone.
- He bashed this one guy's head with his own skull... Impossible, yes... But Kewkky did it...
- Have you ever played soccer with an unconscious man's head, and tried to kick the "ball" a thousand meters?
- Ripped his victim's fingers off and choked him with his own broken arm.
- Ripped a sad victim's head off and shit down his throat (courtesy of Duke Nukem).
edit Articles he has made or edited (other than minor edits)
- Birthday = Edited practically everything