User:Kevillips/Ozoma Bin Laden the swimming dead
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|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
Thousands prepare for the worst on this gulf stream island nation, as their primary news source the BBC declares that the dead Bin Laden is still somehow Live. "As I saw the headline, I could not help but think of the Nazi Zombies in all those video games, and how zombie terrorists would even be worse" says the frightened Mayor of Panic-town. "I am pretty sure this cannot be the case, since they clearly said they shot Bin Laden in the head which is supposed to stop all zombification". added noted Voo Doo Scientist and Author of World War Z, Seth Brookes. As the news crawl hit the airwaves, the television workers fled their posts, unplugging vital equipment which caused the story to loop in an undead fashion, which only served to confirm the stories.
Bermuda is a hotbed of Voo Doo, while not as well known as Haitian or Orleanian Voo Doo the Hamilton Church of Voo Doo, Scientist holds three Voo Doo chicken sacrifice a day during the high season. "New Yorkers really like their blood"" - High Priestess Gigi. "Hamilton" is named after the reanimated corpse of Alexander Hamilton" Hamilton was an early American patriot, gunned down in a duel by Aaron Burr. After death, he was transported to Bermuda, and ultimately reanimated and ate the brains of the former town namesake.
Osama Bin Laden's burial at sea, only serves to convince Bermudans they are more vulnerable. The OZom Bin Laden, not needing oxygen, could hitch a ride on any of the many nomadic sea creatures that migrate from the Asian burial sea to their own place in the wide Sargasso.