From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Kimberly Katharine Mitchell IV|
Performing after plunging a men's room toilet
|Found in:|| July 10, 1952|
in Sarnia, Ontario
|Affiliation:||Arm & Hammer|
|Notable brooms:||Oscar, Strata-duster|
|Years:||1975 - present|
“Without a doubt. Best man tits in the industry”
“He didn't like to clean up David Crosby's puke before, during and after our gigs. But he never complained and always did it with a smile and a 'how'd you do'”
Kimberly Katharine Mitchell IV was a foundling taken in by his adopted parents Doris and Benard Mitchell of Sarnia, Ontario, Canuckistan. Named by his wallflower mother, Benard, after her grandfather, Rebecca Sara Kimberly.
His father, Doris, noticed that young Kim was very good at moving amps and microphones whenever they robbed the local music store. Doris predicted even then that his son would one day turn that ability into a career.
It wasn't long after dropping out of elementary school that Kim became a highly noted roadie and fluffer as well as the universally accepted best bathroom janitor in the Rock and Roll industry of the 1980s. He also released an album about his cleaning exploits and accomplishments titled "I've Cleaned a Wild Party" which included the international hit, when it was later covered by Justin Timberlake, "Scrub it with Club Soda".
edit Early Career
Kim toured for years as a roadie and fluffer with Crosby, Stills, Nash, McLeod Young Weir Limited. It wasn't until little Rick Nash puked on his father that the group realised the potential in Kim becoming the greatest clean up man in Rock and Roll history. Not long after that event, arenas and stadiums around North America had him on speed dial for all kinds of puke, piss and shit accidents that occurred in their venues.
edit How an Accident Becomes a Hit Single
The old addage that every janitor has a #1 hit single in him struck true with Kim. After getting lucky with a cougar in Kingston, Ontario, Kim decided to write a song about the experience. Sadly it was complete tripe.
However, while arguing with his then girlfriend and current ex-wife, Roger Montgomery-Mitchell, about what they should have for dessert, he tripped and spilled pudding on the gown she was wearing. He wrote a song about the incident and that song became Scrub it with Club Soda.
After producer Arm and Hammer heard his warbled tune they felt pity on Kim and let him release the album, "I've Cleaned a Wild Party". While it went no where on any charts anywhere. Fifteen years after it's release
ex-New kid on the block, 98 degrees, Spice girl, a young Justin Timberlake covered the tune and sold millions of records. Not so much because of the lyrics but more to do with Justin willing to show his bunghole to anyone willing to pay two dollars.
edit Scrub it with Club Soda (lyrics)
so your in one of your blue gowns you wanna have chocolate ice cream and I want lime all this scooping going 'round in your blue gown oh shit, I spilled some on you You better scrub it with club soda...No more stains and no need for tide You better scrub it with club soda...No more stains and no need for tide life seems to be a dessert that I dread well the dessert is tapioca pudding all this spooning going 'round in your blue gown oh shit, I spilled some on you You better scrub it with club soda...No more stains and no need for tide You better scrub it with club soda...No more stains and no need for tide You better scrub it with club soda...It's better than all It's better than cheer You better scrub it with club soda...No more stains and no need for tide
edit Back to the Broom
Since 1999, Kim has worked as the afternoon clean up guy at a local cable tv station. While he has attempted writing new songs about the life of a janitor, no producer is willing to let him into their studio... even to clean their shitters.
edit Quotable Kim
“I'll tell you where you can find the best road skank anywhere! Kingston, Ontario. Eh.”
“I had it all. Women, money, Super Nintendo. Eh.”
“The truth of it is, you can't buy elbow grease and trust me I've looked in every store, eh.”