User:Un-Kareljanis/Random Rants

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This is an essay. It is not an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia, so you should ignore it even more and disregard the mad ramblings of its writer. Or you could submit it as an Uncycloversity assignment in lieu of actually doing any work.

This is a part for me to scream about random stuff when I'm bored. It's not really an essay, but a collection of unrelated paragraphs.


Theres is a cabal. The government of Wikiland denies it, but there is definitely a cabal. I repeat, there is a cabal. I have definite proof that there's a cabal and it's alive and strong. In fact, the Wikiland government is the cabal. The cabal have secret police known as the SS (Sencorship Squad) who edit out the evidence of the cabal in articles. In fact, this article might be under the watchful eye of the SS right now... Jimbo Wales is the leader of the cabal. Wikipedia is a cabal. Uncyclopedia is a puppet government controlled by a cabal installed by Wikia. THERE IS A CABAL!!!!!!! Did I mention the existence of the cabal?

How to Really Get to Sesame Street

This article claims it has the easiest ways to get to Sesame Street. I beg to differ, so here are my ways.

  • Go to Staples and buy an easy button. Press it and you're there. THAT was easy!
  • Press Alt + F4 on your keyboard.
  • Watch TV, there's bound to be a documentary about it somewhere.
  • Go through the hole in the ground in Tower 5 in the Great Wall of China. Afterwards, you must read the entire Little Red Book and take an exam. That's followed by watching a communist propaganda film, passport registration, a dance competition, and you're there!
  • Go to the house in New Orleans, that's called the Rising Sun. There's a portal in it.
  • Cross the thin line between cleverness and stupidity (may result in mental retardation, AIDS, diarrhea, excessive vomiting, exploding brain cells syndrome, or death).

Wikipedia's Black Helicopters

The Nazis at Wikipedia have found a new way to stop the circulation of content-free information: Black helicopters. What are these, you ask? They're helicopters, and they're black. I know, startling. Equipped with crazy ninja lasers and paintball machine guns, these things will blow your fucking head off. So run! Are you running yet? Well you shouldn't be, read on. What these things do is that they insinerate information and kill Uncyclopedia's editors to increase their traffic. How do we stop them? We can't, you just have to panic. Now you can start running.

Militant Pacifism

In a world, where oxymorons are as common as Mexicans in front of Home Depot, some nutjob environmentalist has invented "militant pacifism". How exactly does a person wanting peace achieve that through acts of militancy? By killing all of those that disagree with peace. Violence is not the answer, unless you're stopping violence with violence. Makes sense? No, it shouldn't. Now before some conspiracy theorist calls me a shill and claims I support a New World Order, let me elaborate. You can't fight fire with fire. I've tried, it just creates a bigger fire. I have the testicular burns to prove it. If you kill, you're not a pacifist. It's like being a happy emo kid, or a dumb Asian. Is Gandhi going to run through Calcutta with an AK47 shooting the damn British? No, he's gonna go on a march and praise equality and some other crap. Then get shot. I think to stop militant pacifism, we should completely eradicate Call of Duty from pacfist "communities". Bam, tree-huggers with machine guns are gone.

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