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“In Soviet Russia, Kaos Bounces YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Kaosbouncer
“The only thing worse than being Kaos Bounced is not being Kaos Bounced”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kaosbouncer
“Kaosbouncer? What, does it bounce on Kaos or something?”
~ Paris Hilton on Kaosbouncer
~ Juan Parody on everything except Colombia

Kaosbouncer was born in 1337 AD in Oogawooga, Italy to Michael Jackson and the afterbirth of a giant enemy crab. Early in life he was kidnapped and subjected to brutal torture by the Liberal Party of Canada, which is the main reason for his hate toward pussy leftards. He was finally rescued in 1996 by Michael Phelps and a contingent of Roman legionnaires. He quickly became a superstar electronic music producer, working with the likes of Rihanna and KT Tunstall during the Nike Revolution of 2006. Later, he was a member of the Founding Fathers, learned how to harness the dark side, and gave birth to a mutant spawn that eventually became Miley Cyrus.

No, just kidding. Although that gives me an idea for how to start the Alexander Solzhenitsyin article. Seriously, though, I am a Cuban-American hailing from the glorious city of Miami. Yes I'm a disgusting American, deal with it. I was drawn to this website because... well honestly I don't even know. But I'm here now, and you'd best enjoy it. By the way, if you're reading this then you are a loser and should click here.

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