User:Un-Kakun/The Arichardgoldstonecrats

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Arichardgoldstonecrats.

On 3 April 2009, the United Nations Human Rights Council has established a fact-finding team, to investigate all the inhuman ways in which Israel has violated the Palestinian people during the Gaza War. Led by South African Jew Richard Goldstone, the team's final report was released 15 September 2009, and accused both Palestinian militants and Israeli Defense Forces of various acts against humanity.

The acts

United Abominations

According to Goldstone's report, during the Gaza War at least 36 million innocent Palestinians were fired to death, out of which 1.7 billion were fired from Megadeth.

The report starts with the revelation of a common ritual among Israeli soldiers. Apparently, before he leaves for a mission in Gaza, each Israeli soldier likes to gouge out one of his daughter's eyes and then make love to her eye socket. The report blamed Ariel Sharon for this behavior, and attributed it to Sharon's behavior during the Sabra and Shatila massacre, revealed in an older report of yet another United Nations council, the Pervy Council of UN Cyclopean Pedophiles (UNPCCP).

Another notable act involves the Israelis blowing up a kindergarten populated with 13,000 terrorists, at least 4 Barbie dolls, and a Kenny action figure. Israel said that the real action was more humanistic — each soldier made a specific kindergarten student blow his best friend, and if the student had no friends, the soldier broke the student's back and made it possible for him to blow himself. The report also highlighted the usage of phosphorus during the Israeli attacks; Israel responded that by using large amounts of phosphorus they could save a lot of F's and thus increase the number of actions involving the F word. This report also included human shields allegations, in which the Israelis made preteen Palestinian girls join the Cancer Porn industry.

The report finally estimated the loss of civilian Palestinian lives to be around 36 million, claiming that the Gaza Holocaust was at least 6 times worse than the Jewish Holocaust. Israel responded to this claim by creating the computer game In Treatment.


Due to the length of the official name given to the team — "United Nations Fact Finding Mission on the Gaza Conflict" — often a shorter name is used like an acronym of The Abominator Richard Goldstone's Bureaucrats: THE ARISTOCRATS.

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