User:KP/World Series of Bloodbath
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The World Series is the annual championship game of Major League Bloodbath. It is the premier bloodbath match, and considered perhaps one of the most important sporting events, comparable to the Super Bowl or the World Cup. In the 1990s and 2000s, broadcasts of the World Series on CNN and Fox News have garnered at least 1.5 billion viewers world wide each year.
edit Notable World Series Games
- 1493. Cordóba Conquistadores over the Arawak Golden Warriors. The Conquistadores, led by legendary player Christopher Columbus, won the inaugural World Series of Bloodbath with a stunning genocide over the Arawaks.
- 1519. Cordóba Conquistadores over the Tenochitlan Jaguars. The Conquistadores dominated the MLB during the early sixteenth century with such players as Christopher Columbus and Hernán Cortés. The 1519 victory of Cordóba over Tenochitlan, led by the power center Moctezuma Xocoyotzin, was one for the record books.
- 1712. Cordóba Conquisatdores loses their title to the London Imperials, after all their players died several decades ago, and they had to forfeit.
- 1783. Philadelphia Generals over the London Imperials. An expansion team in 1776, the Philadelphia Generals (currently the Washington Generals) won their first World Series in 1783. The drama of this campaign was heightened when Benedict Arnold became a free agent, leaving the Generals for the Imperials. Center George Washington of the Generals led the Generals to many victories in the late eighteenth century.
- 1794. Washington Generals over the Haudenosaunee Six Nationals. This game represented the beginning of the dominance of the Washington Generals in the New World League.
- 1809. St. Petersburg All-Tsars, forerunner of Moscow Reds over Swedish Vikings. In this last derby between the two former giants of the Northern League, the Vikings were run over so bad that the team decided never to fight again, but instead just support whomever is currently the strongest. From the Eastern Viking debris a new team arose, the Helsinki Freeze. For the duration of the coming century they would continue the struggle against the Moscovites.
- 1812. Washington Generals versus the London Imperials. This series was really played for no reason, and the teams did not get around to playing most of the match until 1814. The Generals maintain to have won the series despite not winning the games they planned to – mainly due to a late goal by Andrew Jackson in January, 1815. The Imperials point out that the goal was made after the buzzer, leaving the series a tie.
- 1846. The Eastern World League is formed. The Kabul Warlords defeat a pink mask wearing Kathmandu Pinkies team, and are declared the first champions of the Eastern League.
- 1857. Kabul Warlords over London Imperials. This match marked the beginning of the end of the Imperials domince over the Eastern World league, without doing much good for the Warlords. The Imperials forgot golden rule number 2 - never attack the Warlords on their home turf. Overassured with their dominance at Technological base the imperials held stand at the Warlords center court for a few turns, just to be shot in their back when retreating to their own pitch. Only one from the Imperials team survived to tell - the field Doctor.
- 1862. Semifinals: Mexico City Jaguars over the Paris Égalité. Benito Juárez, playing for the Jaguars, led Mexico City to a stunning upset over Paris on this match played on May 5. The Mexico City Jaguars would later that year lose to the Washington Generals.
- 1898. Washington Generals over the Madrid Conquistadores. After this loss, the Madrid franchise, with its long illustrious history as one of the founding members of the MLB, fell into rapid decline, with decreasing numbers of spectators and decreasing revenues. After this franchise went under in 1901, new investors revived it as the Habana Cabanas.
- 1905. After the Washington Generals went awry. The Istanbul Ottomans began a world tour, where they defeated the Kabul Warlords, the Mexico City Jaguars and finally the London Imperials 2.5. After that, Chuck Norris lets them live.
- 1915. Istanbul Ottomans over the Armenian Spawn. A pure massacre. The Armenians had just moved up from a Caucasian minor league and wasn't really prepared for the Ottomans' foul kind of play. The Spawners attempt to meet ballistics with numerals didn't really pull their wagon. Ottomans won by 1,513,446 - 45 but was thoroughly beaten by the London Imperials and Paris Égalité later that season. The Spawners didn't really recover and kept struggling for decades in the bottom of the Caucasian league.
- 1939. Helsinki Freeze over the Moscow Reds. This match is known as one of the greatest upsets of World series history. The Freeze, an amateur team in severe financial strife, gave the star-studded Moscow lineup a pretty good match. The match remains a subject to controversy as the Reds demanded a hilarious compenation for their torn sweatshirts after the game.
- 1940. Berlin Blitz over the Paris Égalité. This victory in the World Series marked the beginning of a period of dominance of the Berlin Blitz in the MLB.
- 1943. Moscow Reds over the Berlin Blitz in a bloody match where spectators actually participated in the proceedings.
- 1944. Berlin Blitz loses it's edge in the MLB with repeated losses to the Washington Generals, the London Imperials, and suprisingly, a short-lived team: the Ottawa Roughriders. One of the last games was so horrible that power center Adolf Hitler actually quit Bloodbath forever.
- 1945. Defunct Tokyo Gameras loses to the Washington Generals. The key play was the surprise use of atom bombs. After the second bomb, referees called the match in favor of the Generals.
- 1945 1/2. Known as the "Battle of Luzon" witch took place in the Philippines, The Mexico City Jaguars won Play-offs agansit the Washington Generals, Sydney Olympics, Manila Esquedas, Tokyo Empires, Berlin Blitz, Hanover Nazis, and Defunct Tokyo Gameras witch faced the Tokyo Empires in the Final, winning 10-0 with secret player Escuadrón 201 killing 10 Tokyo Empires players.
- 1954. Vietnam Cong over the Paris Égalité. This upset victory was the first of many for Vietnam. Ho Chi Minh, perhaps one of the best centers, was instrumental in the defeat of the Égalité. After that, the Égalité annouces its withdrawal from the sport.
- 1973. Vietnam Cong over the Washington Generals. This match, another upset victory for Vietnam, represented the end of a long period of dominance by the Washington Generals.
- 1979. Vietnam Cong over the Beijing Billion. This upset victory by Vietnam in a close contest was memorable for the heightened emotions brought about by the long rivalry between Vietnam and Beijing.
- 1989. Kabul Warlords over the Moscow Reds. The upset of Moscow by Kabul represented the end of a long period of dominance by Moscow in the Old World League.
- 1991. Washington Generals over the Baghdad Mayhem. This World Series game marked the beginning of a decade-long rivalry between the Generals and the Mayhem.
- 2002. Washington Generals over the Kabul Warlords. This emotional game occurred right after the Terra attacks in Houston and New York in the United States. Refusing to allow the War on Terra to dominate national life, millions of Americans watched this World Series game.
- 2003. Washington Generals over the Baghdad Mayhem. The long-awaited rematch of the 1991 Series pitted the Generals against an over-matched Mayhem, who only lasted a few weeks. However, play seems to be continuing after the game is over, although MLB officials have still deemed it a Generals win.
- 2014. It's expected that the Washington Generals will once again make the MLB World Series, likely against the Tehran Fatwas. There could also be the Kabul Street Urchins, a rival franchise set up by Benzair Bhutto.