User:KERNKERN/Kern

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Revision as of 17:05, March 9, 2009 by KERNKERN (talk | contribs)

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Pre-Article Note: This article is Under construction by User:KERNKERN. (Look out; he's an odd one...)

Kern
Funnypepsi
Scientific classification
Kingdom Fungi
Phylum Eumetazoa
Class Remedial Math
Order Crapus Streetatis
Family Abandoncree peason
Genus Beavicus
Species Sukakokus
Binomial name
Beavicus Sukakokus
Specifications
Primary armament 1d8+4, bite
Secondary armament 1d1+4, chemical K9Pu
Power supply Radioactive
Health 54.5
Mana 14
Strength 0.9
Intelligence (-23)-100
Weight 130Lb.
Length 1' in.
Special attack Bite, Landing Planes,
Conservation status
Rare

Dogs are the reigning, dominant species over the face of Mars and the Earth, a fact manifested by their uncanny ability to force their human underlings to pick up their crap from the street while the dog supervises. They also enslave humans by making them willingly pay for expensive 60-lb. bags of food and treats to feed their voracious appetites [1], and picking up expensive health care tabs. The human slaves away at a job while the dog stays home chewing shoes, drinking from the toilet, licking his balls, humping your wife while she sleeps and sleeping/shitting in the human's bed/carpet. To do all this, they apply a hardcore psychological manipulation developed over centuries on their human puppets via body language and the development of eyebrow-like hair above their eyes to make them look sad and cute. Dogs are known to live by the motto In Dog we trust, but at times it is also stated as Who let the dogs out?


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