User:Josie v. 3.1

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

After 3 unsuccessful attempts to create Josie, scientists in Punxsutawney PA, in association with the Boston Red Sox, have finally succeeded with Josie v. 3.1.

Josie v. 3.1 is the ultimate in Josie technology. Not only can this version of Josie carry on seemingly intelligent conversation, watch TV, and use a computer, this version can also smoke cigarettes, drink beer, and is 100% safe when submerged in a body of water. Josie v. 3.1 comes with all the features of the previous Josie models, and some new features, making this model the very best yet.

Josie v. 3.1 can be programmed to:

  • comment on politics;
  • dance the hula;
  • run a vaccum;
  • feed the cat;
  • shoot a gun;
  • decorate your home for various holidays;
  • be a bartender;
  • drive a car;
  • make up Oscar Wilde quotes
  • read a book;
  • blow up small foreign countries;
  • spy on your neighbors;
  • tell jokes;
  • rob a bank;
  • make fun of people;
  • and much much more.

Josie v. 3.1 is the ultimate in Josie technology. Buy yours today.


edit History of the Josie Development Program

In 1980, two scientists got together to make what would become known as Josie. After nine months, the very first version of Josie rolled off the assembly line. ; This first version of Josie had some flaws. It could not feed itself, it could not speak, and it went to the bathroom in it's pants. The scientists were not pleased with this first version, so they scrapped it, and began work on Josie v. 2.0.

Josie v. 2.0 could read, write, feed itself, and use the toilet, but, the scientists found that this version of Josie could not play a musical instrument. After attempting to upload programs like Piano for Dummies and Clarinet for Stupid People to no avail, the scientists found that they had to send Josie v. 2.0 to music lessons. Unfortunately, Josie v. 2.0 had a fatal flaw: tone deafness. This tone deaf state eventually caused this version of Josie to implode, killing all the llamas west of the Mississippi River.

The scientists decided to go back to the drawing board, and, 18 years after the first version of Josie rolled off the assembly line, Josie 3.0 finally took shape. This version of Josie was considered by many to be the ultimate in Josie technology. Josie v. 3.0 had a high school education, could feed itself, use the toilet, and was not tone deaf. The glitch that caused the implosion in Josie v. 2.0 was fixed, and the llamas rejoiced. Unfortunately, version 3.0 of Josie had a flaw in the programming that made it spew out Republican rhetoric at inappropriate times. On the plus side, Josie v. 3.0 was completely programmable, and could do anything that the owner needed it to do. The 3.0 model of Josie was quickly snatched off the shelves by Repbulicans looking for support from young 20 something females. They felt that Josie v. 3.0 was the answer to their prayers. If one young woman liked Republicans, the reasoned, others would follow. This development deeply disturbed the scientists, who, upon learning the plans of the Republicans, used a remote self destruct function to destroy all of the Josie v. 3.0 models.

It was then that the Boston Red Sox stepped in. They volunteered to give the scientists money to develop a new version of Josie, based upon all of the best parts of the 3.0 version, but without the inappropriate conservative rhetoric. The Scientists agreed. 24 years after the original Josie model rolled off the line, Josie v. 3.1 was finally developed. This is to be the be all, end all model of the Josie series. The only thing that this version of Josie can not do is go to church. Due to a computer virus, if Josie v. 3.1 enters a house of worship, the church will promptly burn to the ground. Nicknamed the "Heathen" virus by it's creators, it infected the Josie v. 3.1 model. Thankfully, both the scientists and the Boston Red Sox are ok with this.

edit Where to buy your Josie v. 3.1

Because of the communist nature of this product, it had to be made in China and therefore is only available at Wal Mart stores, along with other random Chinese made junk.


edit Internal Links

Boston Red Sox

edit External Links

[1] Josie v. 3.1's homepage

[2] Punxsutawney Fire Department

Personal tools
projects