Hello. I am Joe9320. Most of you don't care, but I am the head priest of the Goa Tse Clan. We have now controlled half of your website, and we even blew up the Cabal's headquarters in which we make suitcases and carpets out of (by the way, we discovered the location of the Cabal's HQ, but the person was killed, and then we blew it up into pieces, with the nonexistant Cabal inside. If I'm making this up, then that means I'm insane. But back to the headlines). Anyone who doen't like Goatse will have to suffer painful death. This method goes like this:
We cut your left hand off.
We then cut your feet off.
We then hang you until you are nearly dead.
We punch you in any part possible (bar the left hand and feet 'cause it's gone)
We stretch your anus wide (and I mean, so wide it looks like hello.jpg, posted by our former colleague).
We then shoot you and stab you in the head.
We then make carpets, clothes and everything else from your corpse.
But this is just simply messy. Oh, and we drink your blood too, so that we can scare the Cabal (we don't care if there is a cabal or not, we just kill anyone anyway).
Now, fuck off or we will track down your IP address, for we know where you live. Especially Spang's. Kthnxbai.
UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed
After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment.
"Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed"
While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares.
UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends
Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this awful place for, like 3 months, and no one is able to do a single UnSignpost? Not once. SINCE OCTOBER! Have we as a community forgotten the fine, upstanding tradition that this here barely read online journal has kept going since May of 2008? It is time for a little history lesson boys and girls (No offense to Zombiebaron, of course).
The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud.
THIS PAGE IS CENSORED DUE TO GOVERNMENT OF FIJI RESTRICITONS
BIOPIC OF THE WEEK
AH, WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THEDUDEMAN? THE GUY EXHUDES DUDLINESS AT ALL TIMES DURING HIS TIME HERE. HE WON UNCYCLOPEDIAN OF THE MONTH IN AUGUST OF 2009. HE WON A PLS WHEN HE RE-WROTE DUDE, AN ARTICLE THAT LATER GOT FEATURED, AND FROM WHICH HE TAKES HIS NAMESAKE. HE HALFHEARTEDLY EVEN TRIED TO START THIS EDITION. HAS HE DONE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE COOL, NOTEWORTHY, AND I SHOULD BE TELLING YOU ABOUT? PROBABLY. BUT RESEARCHING ANY OF THAT WOULD FORCE ME TO GO ONTO HIS USERPAGE, AND SINCE I AM AT WORK, I AM UNABLE TO ACTUALY DO THAT. INSTEAD I'LL JUST STICK TO THE ALL CAPS GIMMICK IN A COY TIE-IN TO HIS NAME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEDUDEMAN.
Quote of the Week
<zim_ulator> no penis involved here
LadyCS has left #uncyclopedia
<DrSkullthumper> You just lost LadyCS's interest
Old School Featured Article of the WeekMonthTri-Month
Let Someone Else Do Ittm is every intelligent person's philosophy of life. There are plenty of things that if we stop doing them for a long enough time, some other sucker with less patience and a greater sense of responsibility will do them instead. This is an established law of our social reality, and it is our obligation to uphold it.
VFD Keep vote of the week.
Keep The less use something is, the more I identify with it. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:41, December 28, 2009 (UTC)