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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.
Represented here are the time periods from the beginning of time to the end of time.
Timeline: 1 CE - 1000 CE.
- The EXACT number of people who love/care about you
- あなたは汚い売春婦です。 自身とセックスしに行ってください.
- this number is at the end of the countdown
- The band Nine Inch Nails forms. God bless!
- Fidel Castro is born
- Jesus Is Born by Debbie Holcroft in a barn with loads of sheep.
- Japanese insults are invented. Go translate that to get a fortune.
“This was the year that the Lions won the Super Bowl”
“This was the year that I landed my first hot date”
“This year was year 1”
“I'm pretty sure I had sex today, I have sex every day really”
“I made a movie about this!”
“One is the loneliest number!”
- Timelines invented.
- Jebus is born, ironically after Jesus, foreshadowing many future cases of mistaken identity.
- Three Wise Men visit baby Jesus bearing gifts. The next year, everyone exchanges gifts at Christmas. This marks the first time white people steal an idea from black people. It will not be the last.
- Binary ends. Do not pass go, do not collect 11001000 dollars
“Awesome gig today!”
- The number of female Smurfs in the world.
- The number of horns on a unicorn.
- The loneliest number.
- Jesus Didn't Exist. and yet, convinced thousands, he does
- Jesus's G.P.A. if he did exist.
- Mary Gives Birth to Satan.
- Uncyclopedia created
- Gold is invented
DUE TO TECHNICAL PROBLEMS THE INVENTION OF GOLD WAS MOVED TO SOMEWHERE IN THE 9900s
- Grues takeover MARS due to the technical problems
- The Year 2 is the first year absolutely nothing happened and therefore the first uninteresting year. Which makes it very interesting. Therefore the Year 2 is the first year to be simultaneously uninteresting and interesting.
- Arabs and Jews started fighting over who got to eat the last cookie, failing to realize there were two left; one was under the other one. Two of the Jews find the cookies and Eat both of the cookies! Greedy bastards!!
- Prime numbers were discovered. They were soon destroyed in favor of dinosaurs.
- The year 2 marks the first occurance of someone having two cows.
- 2 is the first year where twice as many years existed since the same time last year. This would not recur until 1923.
- Martians fight back against the Grues
- Two is the magic number hence Adam and Eve, but then there was three people, and then four, and so on until God said, enough sex already!
- The First Year people realized, there is more to life than one.
- Jesus Didn't Exist
- John McCain is born.
“Do not count to Two unless then proceeding to 3.”
- This is the year of advanced mathematics. The people begin to wonder why the system of years is so screwed up
- People also begin to wonder if the light truly does go off when you close the refrigerator door. This has gone unanswered to this day.
- 3 is the only number which if you add one to it makes 4.
- Magic invented by David Copperfield
- The casualties from the war between Arabs and Jews reaches 461 million, and three dogs.
- Gaius Caesar foresees that computers will rule the universe. He is hanged for his insight.
- The Grues win
- Where games get forgotten. except Final Fantasy. Wait..technically..yes..just..add a 1 onto it. right? 13? Oh no! *The minimum number of people required to perform a spitroast
- In contrary to more conservative encyclopedias, the uncyclopedia strives to support claims by reliable evidence. A claim is supported sufficiently by stating it thrice. The repeated claims have to be perfectly identical. The sequence of the three claims has to be in descending order.
- The only Harry Potter book to not mention Lord Voldemort
- three is the only number which resembles a turned E
- Jesus Didn't Exist
- The First nigger is born
3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751 (is this supposed to be a fucking pi?)
- This is the tastiest year ever!
- Pie lovers rejoice!! Pie was invented.
- The creator of the universe suddenly realized he/she had forgotten to set the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter at a more palatable figure and decided he/she better set it now before he/she forgot again and it became too large.
- The number 3.14... was far too long, so they used the Greek letter Pi. This is just like the whole "Jesus Fish" idea. It's for people who are too lazy to spell things out.
- Pi Pants are created. Homer Simpson is witnessed wearing said Pi Pants and enjoying the day.
- Theologists believe world is shaped like pie
- The Greek's first practical joke; making the world think this number was of any real importance.
- The best thing to throw at someone's face without them getting mad at you.
- Almost 22/7......but not.
- Most common pi flavor is cherry, apple and equation.
- God pities the poor fools. Humanity is restored but humans no longer have superhuman strength and they can now be in the presence of kryptonite.
- God is tied to a mountain and partially eaten everyday by a crow with the name of Jennifer Love Hewitt.
- M4 motorway built linking the small fishing village of London with the vast principality of Wales.
- Cth, a small squid-looking thing, hooks up with Hulhu the Whale. They star in their own cop show but later fuse into one super being. Cthulhu retreats to the city of Rl'yeh.
- There are 4 lights.
- Another Lost number...
- A number surprisingly used in golf, once a target has been acquired.
- "4"(4→四→し→死) means death in Japan. So if your date of birth is April 4th 4:44 AM/PM, it means you will die. (lol, anybody dies. ***.) Fine. It means you'll die sooner. Or at least turn into an orange cat who wants pasta for every dinner
- (4) is the universal symbol for Badger Waves.
- Considered a lucky number in Southern Mars.
- Cartoon Network creates 4teen, Freshman.
- Jesus Didn't Exist
- The year pie became the earths religeon
- The 4th Tree
- This one time, a parabola raped a goldfish. Then the two of them traveled back in time to the year 4.
- "4" is the Japanese unlucky number. Fortunately Japan wasn't invented yet in the year 4, so no major disasters occurred.
- 5 is a number.
- God sneezed, millions died during the massive flood of Bogusness.
- Biotches Favorite's expensive perfume, including Marilyn Monroe, Coco Chanel, and Her Brother Piña Discovery. As a fact, 1ml of No. 5 Chanel perfume is equal to Over 9000 dollars.
- Jesus invented McDonalds in Jerusalem, then it sprang a chain over the whole of Israel.
- You mean 3, sir. 3.
“1 is masturbation, 2 is regular sex, 3 is a threesome, 4 is a foursome, but 5, my friend, is the ALMIGHTY ORGY ”
- Jesus Didn't Exist
- The number between three and five (not four)
- Mentioned on Jeopardy! that was strangely hosted by Will Ferrel dressed like Alex Trebek.
- Eevee's steel type evolved form
- 7 ate 9
- Was emotionally scarred for life upon witnessing 7 eat 9
- Windows 1.0 is invented
- Jesus Didn't exist
- God said to Abraham, "You will kill your son, Issac!" and Abraham said, "I can't hear you! You'll have to speak into the microphone!" and God said "Oh! I'm sorry! Is this better? Check! Check! Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here!"
- God is 7
7.1 which is secretly 69
The number that is .1 more than 7, which is 69
- The number ϼ
- The luckiest number
- Kinda looks like a Q, doesn't it.
- Another Lost number? Could this be the answer?
- When Sideways it become infinity.
- Is great!!
- Mario finally got to the last world! He fell in the lava.
- It's what 7 did to 9
- Bowser provided re-animation tech by a man called "Solomon."
- is 6 in disguise and killed its counterpart (no 6)
- was eaten by 7
- What Hitler said when asked "You gonna invade Poland?"
- It's the strongest!
- 56=5x+(2x-7) What is X?
- Number Fleen pronounced 'Fléén'.
- Is a number between 9 and 10.
- has an element named after it called Fleenium, it contains 9.5 protons with the same number of electrons, with the chemical Symbol 'Fl'
- There has been a lot of debate over whether the number is between 9 and 10 (i.e. 9.5) or is actually in fact 10. In the latter theory the placement of Fleen then shifts every number after it forwards by 1 place
- In the Harry Potter books, the train is actually on Platform ‡.
- Was used to keep out Lexiconean invaders.
- Population of humans on Earth exceeds 1 Billion.
- The year that badminton was invented by polar bears. IN A TREE.
- 9's Funeral is held.
- Binary FINALY gets a number 2.
- The letter Badgington.
- First used by Professor Oxfordbadgerquailsmithingtonshire XXIII of England.
- Mathematically lengthens tongue on IM faces :Þ
- 11 has no friends.
- Also known as the number of the gays. (10 being the number of the straight race, and 00 the number of the lesbians. Think about it.)
- 11 is so ridiculous, it's not even funny.
- The first game of dodgeball (or dodgerock as it was known) is played.
- Jews are forced into hiding.
- Coincidentally, this is the total number of houses in Nebraska. Everyone else, for tax purposes, decided to live in barns.
- Looks like you.
- I wounder why 11 doesn't have any friends - maybe because he bonned me!
- 12 year old girl theory
- The number Elkith.
- It is approximately 12½.
- Scientists believe it can be used to cure cancer and is closely related to ancient text written by Badgerites.
- Wallpaper flocks before it.
- 5 is a number.
- Numbers are invented and the history of the universe is retconned to include numeral implementation.
- The English perfect their accents.
- Jews blamed for inventing the Spanish.
- Spanish blamed for inventing ugly people.
- Following the uprise of human religion, cities and conscious thought, Animals create Zodialogical Government
- it is proven Bakers can't count when they make thirteen buns instead of twelve, coincidentally, this happens in the thirteenth year.
- A man flees eastern North America and finds Easter Island. There, he founds Duroria and declares himself the Tempus Popus. He is lonely, and makes himself large stone heads for company.
- Are you superstitious?
- Friday the 13th
“I HATE 14!!! AAHH!! What a STUPID number!!! ”
- Shape was invented.
- Augustus becomes a god. Tiberius takes over his earthy duties with characteristic wackiness.
- 6x4=14, not 24.
- Nothing happened.
- Lost number....
- It is equal to -6
- The age of consent is invented. +2
- The age era and # and answer to everything
- Jews are discriminated against.
- Duendes are found..
- Another Lost number
- The optional number between sixteen and seventeen. Umpteen LOOOOOKSSSSSS like *8
- Kirby goes to Dreamland to fight King Dedede.
“17 is amazing!!! NOT!!!”
“Hahahahahahahaha 17 in art!!!”
Official sacred number of the NFRE. The best number of all time and can only be worn by the greatest of people. NNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- New world record in air pollution. 0.01%! Scientists around the world panic and start building anti-ice-age bunkers.
- A single year away from the year which allows you to have sex with nearly anyone.
- Epic Age Fail
- In 2009, Ryan Handfield achieved 17 in art.
=17.5= the worlds most common random number is created - 17.5
- Vegetarians are spawned out of the rotting flesh of thousands of ruthless carnivores. They immediately deny this fact and attempt to proselytize the world, irritating the world.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- One of the more useless years, as you're already quite past 18, yet not nearly close enough to 21.
- Unless of course you live in Canada
- Stephen King travelled back in time and conquered this year.
- I kid you not, but in 1985, some guy wrote a song about the Vietnam War that was played in nightclubs across America, called "19". Don't believe me? Here's a link to the music video on YouTube:
- Nothing happened twice this year, except 10.
“YOU SUCK AT COMEDY!”
It was a good year for nothings everywhere.
- Nothing happened the year before as well, except for the first time a year was skipped. This happens several more times due to the time-space continuum and Jesus'
- The number Kətchup.
- Used by several species of quail to represent sauce.
- The only number that does not harbor boss badminton skills.
- Approximatly 20½.
- 21 in conjunction with 18 (see above) becomes a drinking age gag.
- Humor is restricted based on context, previously everything was funny.
- A good year, as people everywhere had predicted.
- Lucky the leprechaun has his lucky charms stolen for first time. Kills 3 random children in revenge. Charms are returned.
- Jesus' younger lesser known sibling Stephen is born.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- Blackjack is invented.
- The age where the suicide rate is the highest. Maybe because they are almost done with college, able to drink and still haven't gotten any.
- Half of the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything was solved
- my friend Fernando likes this number.
- nothing to see here
- this isn't the number you're looking for.
- Move along.
“HAHAHAHAHA 23!! you just lost the game.... you suck!!!”
“In Soviet Russia, 23 counts to YOU!”
“23 took over my life......Don't let it happen to you...BEWARE”
why is it everywhere?
Dear Lord! Red is number eight on the color wheel and is green is number fifteen....RED+GREEN=23 ?!?!?!!?
The meaning of 23. Holy $#%&!!!! 23!
23ness is the most 23ish of all numbers!!!1!!!1!
twenty fucking 3
I was at a football game, and it was 3rd and 23 on the 23 yard line, with 23 seconds left in the quarter and one team had two time outs and one had 3... TWENTY FUCKING THREE!
- Jews have a pretty good year, although they are still discriminated against.
- "The significance of years and energy" is a thesis published by Doctor Johnathan Smith of the Solomon Foundation.
- No one likes you when you're 23. What's my age again? What's my age again.
- If 25 is funnier then 24, 24 is less funnier then 25!
- Continuing a popular trend, the Roman Empire discriminates against Jews.
- Funnier then 24.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- This is funny because Jews can't spell this number.
- Has a well-established history due to being documented by sad bastards.
- First discovered documentation of nothing happening.
- The greatest man ever to live Dylan322 is born and sets out to kill all that oppose him.
- Rules become commonplace outside of marriage.
- DauntedPeak eats Dylan332 for being a furry
- Jews are discriminated against
- How many days Donnie Darko has left before the universe implodes and his girlfriend dies.
- The Holy Hand Grenade is used for the first time by Jesus against Satan Bunny after he tempts Him in the desert.
- God got breast implants.
- Days Later
- Weeks Later
- Months Later
- Years Later
- Random person number 29 is born.
- Joshua Iziah Leea has crossed the Atlantic Ocean on the back of Jesus (hay-Zeus) on this day, 1321 B.C.
- Scientists predict that on the 29th day of the 29th month year 2099, the Earth will be restored. This research is carried out in Falmouth, home of the Solomon Foundation.
- Native American engineers in Carolina develop a hydrogen bomb.
- The 1337 h@x c0d3 "Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start" was invented for Contra.
- Native American engineers in Carolina develop an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile.
- The age Jade Goody will never reach
- Egyptians captivated by L0LCATZ
- The banana is born. God is therefore proven true.
- The events of Passion of the Christ II: Crucify This take place in Judea.
- It is proven that 100 does not divide by three. This makes anti-metric yanks very happy.
- Five people fell into a volcano marked with an image of the Virgin Mary's face. All of them drowned in the lava while carving out the holy image to sell on eBay.
- The world's first coffee filter is invented.
six squared not much else
- Caligula invested with imperial powers by the Roman Senate as a result of incredible bad judgment. start happening almost immediately giving later historians much to laugh about.
- Upon learning this, Kevin Smith becomes obsessed with the number 37
- This number is very boring.
- At some point during his life, Lex Luthor went back in time and stole this year.
- Some thieves move to Arabia.
- Completely insane *** finally ends as Caligula is stabbed to bits. Skatman Claudius becomes emperor.
- 200 Horses lose senatorial positions to 200 old men. Chaos resumes in Roman Empire.
- The second most unhappy number, first being 0. Long ago, the number 41 set out to kill 42 for it is not the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
- This is the answer to the universe and all in it. 41+1=42 43-1=42 ...
- The meaning of life is changed, according to Acerebral Camel's Dungheap Dictionary for Pederasts. The changes to the meaning of life to include such things as:
- NOTE: Neither Uncyclopedia, nor the Uncyclomedia foundation take responsibility for any similarities to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Ian Dury & the Blockheads, the "Hippy" movement, or anything else for that matter... Well... Except brain damage and severe seizures caused by excessive use of doublethink. Never mind, that liability has been revoked. Also, 42 is the known x coordinate for the end of the universe. Many 'experts' believe this to be false, but colleges are made of salt, regardless.
- All things above are included in the state charter for Nevada.
- The product of 6 and 9. (That is, using base 13)
- 42 achieves celebrity status, and proceeds to shave its head.
- 42 is the number of roads a man must walk. That's just over 2 miles for you American blokes.
- 42 is found to be an answer to a large amount of equations accumulated by the Solomon Foundation.
- 42 is the answer to a famous riddle - see duct tape
- Any number divided by zero equals 42
- A toilet was stolen from a police department. Police had nothing to "go" on.
- One digit higher than 42, therefore being greater than 42.
- 43 is what you get when you add a One to the ultimate answer to the meaning of life.
- Kevin Bacon rubs hot oil on his neck as he runs through a forest. This is apparently how he got that woman from "The Closer" with the fake southern accent..
- Nero learns about the future and wants to be like Hitler
- Hulk Hogan defeats Kevin Nash in a "Battle of the Newborns" match to win his 17th World Heavyweight Championship.
RAM memory full, Autorestart begins in 3, 2, 1... loading... .txt file loaded successfully! What was i thinking about? Ahh yes, 44... Nothing interesting about this year - look at 45 and afterward.
- God wonders about starting a world war. Decides to "hold it off for a while."
- Spoon invented, but then lost until 2009 due to Cult of the Spork.
- Are you still reading this?
- Not a thing happens this year. Yep. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
- The Invention of Lying.
- Spoonguard invented. Against spoons.
“Duh, that's my I.Q.”
“No, you stupid McCall, the section about your I.Q. should have appeared much higher up the list”
- 42 adjusted for mild inflation.
- God has a tea party with Pete Sampras and Judge Reinhold. Judge takes gold for best Cosby impression.
- Supra-lucky number. 7=lucky; 7²=49; therefore, 49=supra-lucky.
- Spork is made, world peace is madeded
- You didn't realize 48 was skipped
- The Pink Death starts, hundreds of dorks go on a rampage killing in the thousands. They kidnap Santa from Jail and make him drink hot sauce, that find their way into the 10 I.Q. version of the bible.
50 is also EXACTLY half of a hundred. It is the only number that fills this need. This makes it half of a century, of which is a 10th of a millennium, making 50 a 20th of a millennium.
- The number everyone assumes is a prime number.
Cookies invented - an alternative if your server does not allow it. Sandwiched between prime numbers.
- If you are interested in answers, you may be looking for: 54.
- The first inhabitants of Indonesia, the 2nd League of Crescent Wrenches, first begin settling in Southeast Asia.
- Jim dies due to a freak accident with a time machine.
- Claudius dies and, in a shock revelation, he was probably poisoned. Nero becomes roman emperor; that's sure to be good.
- Mini Chedders finally given citizenship by Roman Senate. Nero honours Claudius by proclaiming him a God of scat music.
- You didn't realize 53 was skipped
- This much over-looked year was in fact the year when the number 55 1st existed, before that every one always skipped it.
- Nobody in the history of the world has ever been able to drive at this speed or follow this limit.
- Shfifty shfive.
- Lies are invented. (Like, wow. It's been 56 years and they FINALLY come up with these?!
- Liars are invented. People burn pants in anger.
- Husbands start cheating on their wives and vice versa.
- This is the year 57 A.D.
- January 22 Gollum dies of loving himself too much; his ring is sent to inspire directors to create movies for preschoolers (The Ring)
- November 1 Tuesday is invented.
- The amount of varieties Heinz claim to produce, though what these are varieties of is not made clear.
- 57 HEINZ ROCKS - steelersfan
- Uncyclopedia's first cult is formed.
- The Pope faces charges of murder.
- Varieties are invented.
- The year I spilled spot remover on my dog and he disappeared. His name-Spot.
- Magic number. Pronounce it in Danish and there won't be a dry pantie in the room.
- The cat and the dog are created by sick scientist and then trained to attack the floor.
- The color blue becomes a color.
- People realise that Elephant *** is huge.
- The Colonel requests scissors and comments on how good it is when the famous purple stuffed worm...
- Some bastard peed on the Lebowski's rug.
- Also, many were shot for bowling "over the line."
- God is bored and makes the first ever nuclear weapon but then racists steal it and blow up half of the known universe. The grunt of the force is sent back in time via Time Vortex Manipulation Technology and thus the Big Bang.
- The number that comes after:
Shwam. Doo. Two and heif. Scheven. Schfourteenteen. Schwenty one. Twenty seven heif. Twenty seven, thirty seven! WHAT YOU SAY?!?!
- The first trans-national highway is built leading from Rome to the Parthian Empire. Highway quickly closed after it is pointed out to the Roman emperor that it would make it "stupifyingly easy for Parthia to invade at will".
- I need sissors, 61!!!!!!
- Church of Satan
- The year after 66.
- Not quite, but just about almost exactly completely different from the number 18.
- Wannabe 69.
- You do me, I'll owe you one.
“In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air”
“ Your mom and I”
“When I look back now, the summer seemed to last forever..”
“69 is a number.”
- becomes interesting.
- Due to a typo involving the similarities of capital i, lower case L, and the number 1, hundreds of thousands of people starve to death in an administrative accident in the Roman Empire.
- First hypodiliac formed.
- Nero kills himself due to not getting enough of this newfangled 69 action. Roman Senate doesn't care as they're all getting plenty.
- After a bloody battle and a lot of fighting Vespasian emerges as the new emperor of Rome, the first Ross Kemp lookalike to do so. He immeadiatly outlaws rock and roll, but does it all the time himself.
- 3 x 23
- The cancer epidemic begins
- A romantic dinner for two
- The year 70 is skipped.
- Same as the year 69, but with two fingers up your ass!
- Carlton Fisk is born
- Carlton Fisk dies of madness
- Kool-Aid gets its 74th flavor, shit.
- 1337 people die of food poisoning
Jarhead Strovinski sets the world record for Most Booze Drank Without Having to go Pee
- Year named after the number of trombones leading the big parade.
- July 7, of this year: luckiest day in history. Ever.
- You feel bad that you missed the luckiest day ever, so you commit suicide.
- The year of the genius.
When luck dies.
- The Pompeii Football Club moves its team headquarters to the province of Brittania becoming the second Roman team to join the English Premiership. Coincidentally, the team left only a few hours before the towns destruction.
- 80 is half of 100 in hexadecimal.
- This is the year Mary Magdalene landed on the costa Costa Rica with her daughter Sarah.
- Madonna is born.
- Many people are getting angry at the world. Also hungy and aggy, in their quest to find words that should end in -gry but don't.
- You commit suicide for not seeing the years 81-85
- The first time the number 88 is used in Bingo, the announcer calls out '2 fat ladies 88' and is promptly beaten to death by the entire audience of fat ladies.
- Four strong, statuesque women set out to retrieve the Golden Scepter but fail miserably in the process.
- Someone builds a time traveling Delorean and then sees some serious Advocane
- No one cares about 87
- 89 is invented, essentially 69 with a Siamese twin.
- Steve Jobs is given a 'Steve Job' by Bill Gates.
- Lily Allen is found guilty for crimes against music and is subsequently hung, drawn and quartered
- God then orders the music festival Known in latter years as The Big Day Out
- Kenny survives the bastards and is worshipped as a God. He is then killed by some bastards.
- Roman Emperor Domitian is brutally stabbed to death as part of the popular Roman theatrical production .
- Pioneered by The Unauthorised Kama Sutra, The 96 position is similar to the 69, but was voted less popular in a contemporary poll.
- Sheep-shagging is invented in Caledonia by lonely Pictish shepherds and a great tradition begins.
- The year that everything that could possibly happen happened, and nobody remembered because the zombie clones of Brad Pitt had amnesia and forgot to write about it.
- Discordianism established as a secular philosophy
- pizza was prohibited, but later the ban was repealed by a 2/3 vote in the Roman senate after the emperor (Caesar & his pizza thus bringing Caesar's pizza into this) demanded it.
- Listing was invented
- Chemistry for Retards is first published in Athens.
- Dalmations are created
- 50,000 people die from trying to eat scissors, scientists around the world strive for the vaccine
- Some guy climbs a hill and eats sandwiches and dies, thus creating the storyline for the first CSI ever.
- That annoying thing bus drivers will say instead of saying 'ok' or 'alright'
- The first year that anyone ever considered that you can't eat scissors
- Named after the number of cornets close at hand. (see 76)
- Also called eleventy.
- Dutch time travelers return from the year 999 via the Solomon Vortex 5 and introduce the police department, fire department and ambulances. Arjen Robben gets into the history books by being the first passenger.
- Trajan becomes Roman Emperor, the first flame job to do on his chariot since Tiberius.
Made famous by Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 of the Office of Naval Intelligence Section 3's(we also like to call him big matt homie),. It also deals with benching that is something that big matt homie can't do. He brags he can pull off this wondrous stunt but ends up screwing himself over in the process and lies to make himself feel bad. So if you ever see him down the halls, yell out 115 until you get in trouble, then yell out 114.9. Big Matt Homie is like no other, he is a bad idiot/ tattle tale, confusing huh? Big Matt Homie is more than just a body builder, he is always a NBA point guard, Wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins, and head coach of Mansfield University's sprint football coach. In the NBA he plays for the domination Oklahoma City Thunder leading them with 363845096837405967309586 points on the season....(even though the team has a total of 544245 this season).
- SPARTAN-II "Supersoldier" program of the United Nations Space Command Defense Force emergency military uniting Earth and her many colonies.
Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 saved the world, got the girl. Was caught eating scissors. Then for some reason the flood doesn't revive him as a zombie
That's when the delivery company 118 was set up. It is surprising how even now we still haven't figured out why they are always one day late and deliver the chewed ball-point pen instead of the flower you asked for.
- Man finds out that ocean is salty, travels the world preaching the fact, nearly starts new religion.
It can't find its way home
- still no sissy flower
“WE ARE 138! WE are 138! WEEEEE ARRRREEEE ONE THIRTY EIGHT!!!!!!”
“138 Is A Number”
- This year is gross.
- The Year of the Hyakugojyuuichi begins.
- The World Council of Bodhisattvas strips the High Bodhisattva of his bodhisattva status. Meanwhile, people in the Roman world don't care about what a bodhisattva is (many Romans think it's a piece of bread).
- Antidisistablishmentarianism is first witnessed being fueded over as the "biggest word in Webster's Dictionary"
- Nothing happened this year. At all.
- And I mean nothing, like entirely.
- I don't think you get, not one thing happened in the entire universe.
- It's like this: imagine it's New Years, right? and you're all happy 'cause it's New Years 154 and there's a countdown and everything but instead of the calendar turning to 154 it turns to 155, that's how us mortals saw it.
- Seriously, that's what happened. It's like entropy just went to zero for a year then came back to normal.
- OK, fine, don't believe me. Just ask Buddha, I think you'll be enlightened.
- Really, My stupid flower did not come yet, THAT IS HOW MUCH HAS HAPPENED!
- Mass chaos and rioting occurs because people are confused as to why nothing happened in 154 and because the calendars that they got for Christmas in 153 have gone to waste. Mostly the latter.
- Uncyclopedia isn't invented. Stupidly.
“It's a mystery how that nothing happened in 154 but yet Uncyclopediacs were still disappointed no matter what. ***.”
- Oxygen takes a break, population holds breath.
- Carbon Dioxide replaces Oxygen and there is a small decrease in life expectancy.
- Humanity realizes that this was a stupid waste of time.
- People in China get angry after they receive 2,000,000 yellow turbans rather than 2,000,000 copies of new Dan Brown novel. Rebellion starts.
- Romans ditch Mary Antoinette in Scotland after they discover her dog doesn't keep Scots out.
The Roman Emperor Commodus is killed in the Colloseum by general-turned-gladiator Maximus leading to the restoration of the Roman Republic. Lying historians claim Commodus was assassinated and that some bloke called Pertinax became Emperor. The truth is only uncovered with historian Ridley Scott's 2000 film Gladiator.
- Discordianism recharacterized as an applied religious philosophy.
- Nitrogen is discovered so people would stop catching fire.
- The Holy Chariot of the Trinity is built in Alexandria. It is capable of reaching speeds of up to 2 feet per second.
- Emergency Protocol X invented by Solomon Foundation.
- California runs out of available unused Interstate highway numbers.
Were you expecting something in this year?
- A young Chinaman invents Tea, this is known as First Tea.
- 242, No $%#@ flower!
- Bouncy Balls!
- 242, set....hike!
- Native Americans found the oldest city in America Rock Hill.
- Native American scientists in Carolina invent nuclear power on the Savannah River.
- An outbreak of supposed Madness occurs, later re-diagnosed as Sparta.
- This year, Leonidas dines in france.
- This is the year where You're a Transistor, a Lightning Resistor, conducting to (your) Mother Star... And yes, that IS what you are. Just ask the band.
- About 95% of the readers of Uncyclopedia don't know what the above entry refers to. Hint: Lead singer is Nick Hexum, and lead rapper is Vince "SA" Martinez
311 is a rock, ska, reggae, funk, _______(insert your own genre idea) band from Omaha, Nebraska, formed in 1988. Their work history includes:
Dammit! (1990) (released by What Have You Records, <1000 copies) Unity (1991) (released by What Have You Records, <1000 copies) Hydroponic (1992) (released by What Have You Records, <1000 copies) Music (1993) Grassroots (1994) 311 (1995) Transistor (1997) Live! (1998) Omaha Sessions (1998) Soundsystem (1999) From Chaos (2001) Evolver (2003) Don't Tread on Me (2005) Uplifter (2009) DVDs Enlarged to Show Detail Enlarged to Show Detail 2 311 Day: Live in New Orleans (2004) The Road to 311 Day 2008
Members are: Tim Mahoney, Aaron "P-Nut" Wills, Chad Sexton, Nick Hexum, and Doug "SA" Martinez
- Rotterdam is again looted by Vikings. The city would continue to be attacked by everyone from the Mongols to the French until the present day when it finds itself under siege by Euro-Disney Land
- Car of Donald Duck has been invented for the first time by God. It was rebuilt by Oscar Wilde in 1999
- The world destroys itself, but comes to its senses and realizes that we really CAN all get along. World reforms soon after, with it, destroying the years of precious war humans fought valiantly for. War begins again. Solomon Foundation invents the Cannon.
- Constantine claims to see a ☧ in the sky, although it was only the flying spaghetti monster chilling nearby, shining in the sunlight.
- An old lady from somewhere in Latin America notices Jesus Christ's image in a pi she had just baked.
- Also, this is Commander Keen's IQ.
- A year that will live forever in infamy, this was the year when the Pirates, the Vikings, the Ninjas, the Robots, the Zombies, the Gunslingers and the Canadians went to war. Solomon Foundation begins research into these seven powerful races.
- Sailor Jupiter gets a stone cold stunner.
- The Book of Austin is written.
- No flowers
- Stone Cold says so.
- The calendar is lost.
- The calendar is found. Oops, forgot about that meeting with the UN -Underwear Ninnies.
- Satan liked this half much
- He's blue and circular, of annoyingly questionable alleigence, and sounds like the C3PU-gold-bot from that space movie.
- It's Three-Four-Three Guilty Spark (Monitor of Installation 04)!!!!!!!!!
- October 15 - Marathon becomes Snickers.
- Bruce Wayne is born.
- The Moon and Earth split.
- The Moon gets sucked into a black hole.
- A new Moon is constructed by the surviving inhabitants of the old Moon. Aid is provided in this endeavour by the Solomon Foundation.
- Aliens visit earth, and settle. They are known as Asians. Reasearch is conducted on them by the Solomon Foundation.
- Kayne West hits his mother, which is later in the book she wrote. Nobody read it.
- Myspace and the Trojan Virus created. Trojan Virus found to be created from Project: Heart of Darkness, a research project begun by the Solomon Foundation.
- "This band wont last past the year 478" Jagger say's after his first gig.
- First documented use of the letter "P" instead of "O" in Owned
- Other P/O related things such as Pokémon, and Pockets invented. Pockets are credited to Sol Inc.
- Everybody born this year was really really really tall.
- First documented event of a cat asking his dog to look at his Pokémanz.
- Just a random year in the middle of the mellenium. No one really cares about 359.
- Somebody says something random
- Tumbleweed rolls past.
- Microsoft executives meet in this guy's basement and begin development on the Xbox 360.Bill Gates collaberates with desdigners from Sol Inc to create the specs.
- Elvis tries weed for the first time.
- Bruce Wayne is born again
- Elvis kills Kenny.
- An Internet forum with changing name was invented. First it had no own name, now the forum name changes twice within a minute or two.
- Between 396 AD and 398 AD, 397 AD was, in fact, the Current Year.
- February 19 - First Kitten Recyling Centre founded near Dublin, Ireland, much to the dismay of local residents
- March 23 - Tom Hanks elopes with a giraffe, who is later found out to be his mother.
- October 23 - Jesus X is killed by an meteorite on Mars while studying Proust.This event is later discovered by observers from the Solomon Foundation.
- Harper Lee won the Pulitzer Prize for her groundbreaking coming of age tale, I Know Why the Huckamocking Finnbird Sings.
- Pasta and kittens were discovered. The two would not be combined in a delicious meal for another 700 years.
- Sorry, you do not have the authorization to visit this year. Your Time Machine may not have supplied the required credentials. Insert several dozen quarters; that might help.
- 404's little brother Andrew 403 is born. Up for adoption at a local Best Buy.
- It is discovered that comedy helps extend life expectancy by 10 years. This is published by Doctor Johnathan Smith of the Solomon Foundation in his thesis "The use of comedic talent in the human genome.
- Also, you may not be able to touch this, see 403
|The year you are looking at is unreachable.|
This may mean the following:
HTTP 404 - Cannot
find usable route to packet destination. Text turned green, because PETA did it
- Cleaning product invented, but no one has any clue what to call it.
- Jebus returns to life and creates Mountain Dew.
- Α&Ω founded by Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, and Roseanne.
- Sol Inc puts up applications for jobs in their HQ in One Canada Square, also known as Canary Wharf.
- Marijuana is invented in China and Japan, via research scientists of the Solomon Foundation. Subsequently, God creates the duck-billed platypus.
- Atlantis celebrates the invention of Marijuana by attempting to smoke it continuously for a year. This resulted in disaster after only four months and twenty days. At 4:20 PM the island ran aground and swiftly sank in only 260 seconds (four minutes twenty seconds)
- The Great Marijuana War starts in England. The war began when a man against the smoking of the "evil herb" killed two who were using it. These men's friend went and alerted the guards, but the killer had already started a guild to end the use of Marijuana. They would then go out onto the fields and have several great battles with more than 2000 men on each side. (Marijuana was, in fact, legal before the end of the war in 425.) Weaponry was provided via Sol Inc.
- is the number of hitler so on 420 god commands us to say "hitler, lets get high!"
The writer of the Atlantis bit was most likely celebrating 420, since an island cannot run aground.
- Not to be confused with "Black Monday", it is the time of the year when the sales of snacks, pizza, and Black N' Mild cigarillos throughout the world soar to unbelievable heights. This day is referred to as "Green...uhh, what's today dude?"
- Cattzs was born, therefore beginning the second world war.
- Canadians and Vikings sign peace treaty in Vancouver.
- During the Great Marijuana War, an army of Canadians and Vikings, users of Marijuana, defeat a Gunslinger Army in what will become Texas. One of the last great victories for the users.
- The non-users win the Great Marijuana War on April 20. Marijuana use is then declared a violation that is punishable by beheading by the king. According to well-known historians, the reason the non-users won the war was because the users were so smashed that they didn't know which side they were on and began killing their own men. If this hadn't happened, Marijuana would still be legal. Marijuana users then complain, "This sucks," Before being beheaded. Axe used for the act was inscribed as being created by Solomon J Grundy.
- Attila the Hun
- June 23 The Western Roman Empire falls to Barbarians. Last Emperor of the West, Romulus Augustus (16), is sent into retirement without any supper.
- June 24 The Goths settle all around Europe.
- June 27 The Emo people settle in England, France, and Scandanavia.
- August 23 The Byzantine Empire surives the carnage of the West. This is because they ate three shredded wheat.
- Emo people build on ruins of "Taylor Inc".
- Start of the Thousand Years War.
- Year of the exploding swastica.
- The Rolling Stones still exist.
- The Uncyclomedia Server Project gets underway. The technology used to run the Sever, as well as the money, are provided by the Solomon Foundation.
- The Lovely Password of Younha.
- See also : Password 486
- 500 Internal Year Error.
- Laws are invented. Widely considered overrated.
- Also, the Ford Five Hundered was invented in this year using V-5 SF. VROOOM!!
- A strong alcoholic drink is brewed, too many people drink it and become Drunk for a long peirod of time, they all form a country named Ireland.
- Plasma is discovered by George Washington.
- This shocks resident Solomon Foundation scientists.
- Jimmy is out of his brain, on the train.
- April 3 Henry Kissinger sets Rome on fire, leaving half of the city not in flames.
“"Burn Rome Burn"”
- Year death of King Arthur declared after Lady Morgana, Sir Mordred and Goddess Eris combine their magic and turn him into a newt. But he gets better.
- Year Fearless Fred invents the Galactic Moped
- Number of Americans in charge of federal legislation (435 congressmen and women, 100 senators, 1 president and 1 vice president)
- Number of Americans who screw up federal legislation (435 congressmen and women, 100 senators, 1 president and 1 vice president)
- A number invented by slipknot so that they could make a folk metal song called "the heretic enema."
- The number of humans.
- God realises that slipknot is horrible, so he kills them all.
- The Amphiprotic Substance starts his/her/its reign of terror in a small country town, targeting children and childlike teenagers.
- They then come back from the dead as zombies just to laugh at god.
- No @%^%$&^$%&%*&(*)(*&*^@ flowers %$%$#@%$@$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Global warming shrinks the icecaps, Iceland and all ice in the world. Penguins call all out war. Iceland dies first.
- Kenny is AK-47ed by penguins, thrice!
- Penguins win.
- Konami becomes the shadow government of Japan; the Dance Dance Revolution Ninjas are formed. Conspirasists believe that the money used by the government is provided by Sol Inc.
- Maradona invents a white country in south america called Israel
- Some bastards kill Kenny.
- Some bastards kill Kenny again.
- some emo wizard turns some guy into a frog because his immaginary freind told him to, after killing his real dad
- the stereotype of people being turned into frogs by magic people is born
- some frog pwnz a bunch of scary nuns with a broadsword while at the same time saving a mute kid named chrono and his *** *** girlfreind. by doing this he invents multitasking
- An angry Wizard wages war with a random Kingdom for "Being Meanies!!!!"
- The Beast is born.
- Shortly after, The Beast, also known as Bob, was put up for adoption.
- Jews are discriminated against.
- Rey Mysterio was born
- A angry wizard called Denisa invents Kitten Chauffeuing
- Al Gore invents the Zula planet.
- God gets 12363,000,000 numbers of spam mail (world record)
- February 30 - The great war with the three most awesome groups ended. Much pillaging occurred in the many years but in the end the Pirates took out the Ninjas and the Vikings. This confirms the research released by the Solomon Foundation, titled "The Superiority of Pirates".
- Osama bin Laden founds Ladenism in Dubai. The religion sucks and is overrun by n00bs from the barnyard of Mecca.
- Bill Gates makes his famous declaration that this ought to be enough years for anybody.
- Mario finally reborn. Goes on a killing spree.
- The first "FATALITY!" done by Scorpion
- May 15 - First recorded use of the word 'ankle' in a game of Scrabble.
- December 14 - People began wondering if Jesus ever wore double-breasted suits. In 643 wearing double-breasted suits was still very exceptional. Even today, historians are still arguing if anybody ever wore double-breasted suits during that time. Unfortunately nobody has found any evidence.
- Pie inherits the earth.
- Colin Mochrie saves the world... again after killing Kenny.
- Sol Inc release's their annual report on world progress. Their verdict? "Snails Pace".
- Asia goes on a killing spree, almost dominating the world, before being stopped by JESUS 9000.
- January 1- A powerful native American king creates Sun Kingdom (modern Arizona) after selling his soul to The Sun Devil.
- January 3- In the Sultanate of Carolina, modern-day Clemson University receives $421,249,499,782,000 from Sun Kingdom to buy plans for an advance urban civilization.
- March 4- Sun Kingdom begins construction fueled by investments by the Sultanate of Carolina.
- Satan comes early. "I swear, this has never happened before. It's just that I've got all this stress at work", Satan apologized. Despite being deprived of a fiery climax, humanity was sympathetic, saying "It's okay, honey. It happens to every man at some point in his life."
- is X=666 so X-56 PI 77x56x84x9999-453543423432543.65656565656565656565656565656565=486
- is 999 incognito (in cog; neat-o)
- Satan Loves this number!
- Spyro Is born
- June 6, 6 am - Satan turns 6 2/3.
- The Beast Jr. is born.
- First recorded Satanic cliché made about people's birth dates
- Obama is reborn as Satan's son and high priest of the Church of Scientology.
- Church of Scientology put under reveiw by Solomon Foundation, to seek truth in claims.
- The Rolling Stones first Gig, at the upside down tavern in Kings Cross.
- Iron Maiden Present their first CD
- Jack Thompson is born
- Harry The Hamster is horribly thrown from his ever powerful perch of leader of the united spades. Belief's that this was due to influence via Sol Inc was unconfirmed.
- Abdul Alhazred, author of the Necronomicon, is born
- June 6- Western Native Americans make an offering of 666 virgins to The Sun Devil who then approves the founding of present-day Arizona State University.
- The Sun Devil decends to earth and takes over the the body of Sun Kingdom's King.
- A miniature sun is brought down with him making Arizona hotter than Hell.
- Jesus' lesser known brother Stephen rises to the position of High Priest of the Satanic Temple.
- Satan Decides to plague all earth street corners with chavs
- People fear the end of the world. Sol Inc reps assure public of chance of happening being low.
- Jesus wonders what the big deal is.
- December 30 - Saddam Hussein is legally married to Paris Hilton
- Mister Rogers is born.
- 4Kids Entertainment is formed.
- When Something goes bad on this day blame society, or better yet, blame vista.
- Satan sends his bastards to kill Kenny.
- Casket is born. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
- The prince of darkness, Ozzy Osbourne, was borne. Satan laughed and spread his wings.
- The sum of ASCII code of Bill Gates
- Formed, the FCC is.
- Scrabble realesed a Devil Edition
- It is rumoured in certain cylinders that if you ring this number within the United Kingdom, you will get an upside-down policeman, but rumors suggest that this man is in fact possessed by the devil.
- The neighbor (guy who lives across the street) of the beast.
- Due to the chavs coming to Earth last year, Optimus Prime announces the annual chav shoot out.
- Research into the chav via the Solomon Foundation reveal a lower capacity of brain power. This is published by Professor Oscar Strife, with aid from Doctor Johnathan Smith, in the thesis, "The reduction of intellect in the alien species IV "Chav".
- See 999
- September 5 - Native American scientists create the first Cyborg at MUSC in present-day Charleston, but killed it because it didn't look right.
- December 30 - Native American scientists at MUSC release "The Perfect Man" into Carolina to breed with other humans at age 15.
- July 7- Seeing that the Native Americans are about to bring the end of the world God sends Jesus to earth.
- Native American engineers in Carolina in the town of present-day Charleston invent a robot.
- The Town of Chikakee (modern-day Charlotte, North Carolina) reaches 12 million people.
- Sun Kingdom (Modern-day Phoenix area) reaches a population of 52,349,453 native americans.
- A bunch of random people pwn some other random people.
- December 25 - A super-quake rated at 1,830.4 on the Richter scale and lasting for 30 minutes is accidentally caused by native American scientists and engineers in Carolina trying to control tectonic plates with hydrogen bombs it destroys every city on modern day eastern seaboard of United States and kills 100,078,943.
- Appalachian Mountains are thrusted up to a height of +29,000 feet in just 30 minutes.
- A volcano called Satan's horn located in modern-day upstate South Carolina is created and explodes with the force of 100,000 hydrogen bombs.
- Long Island in New York is created.
- The earth's tilt is altered by 10 degrees starting an ice age.
- The earth's orbit is altered to the point that in the year 1000 it will crash into my ass.
- A human runs for president, ending the one year species barrier.
- The Sun Devil's mini-sun (located in present-day Scottdale) kills 32,505 in a mini solar flare.
- Solomon Foundation return to active status amid the rubble of the Robots|Human wars. Their findings indicate how evolution is what controls the outcome of these wars.
The man who interrupts people is born. God save us all.
- February 14 - The Sultan of Carolina orders 500 hydrogen bomb ICBM's be sent to China to destroy the Zhou Dynasty, showing that the Native Americans of Carolina are the master race. Then, he sends his scientists over tokilldiestabbleedstudy the effects.
- 90% of the world population is killed.
- February 15 - Thinking thatrofliareinteruptThe Sultan has gone to far, "The Perfect Man" creates an ultra-twister with 100,000mph winds and destroys every major city in Carolina and rips a hole in the atmosphere.
- February 18 - Nuclearlolwtfhaxwinter makes ice age worse.
- May 24- The Sultan of Carolina is assassinated by five students who where followers of "The Perfect Man" from present-day College of Charleston. Which begins a new era of peace and prosperity in Carolina.
- May 25- "The Perfect Man" becomes Sultan of Carolina and makes present-day Charlotte, North Carolina the new capital.
- May 29- CSA (Carolina Sky Association) is created by The Sultan to re-tilt the earth ending the ice age and put earth back in orbit.
- Ice Age ends
- A RABID CLAN OF MUDKIP TAKE OVER THE PLANET.
- Lil wayne stutters one of the first of his many raps about getting that cash-money, hos, drugs, and on occassion about his idol Tom Jones, where it's believed he got most of his musical influence from. Then this happened. Everybody and their mother's cat then puts whatever latest hits he has out on their cryspace. Boo lil wayne.
- Mark Henry stops Lil wayne's godcousin from eating Randy Orton & John Cena's children FOR BREAKFAST!
- Geoge W. Bush resides in the brian of Godzilla.
- Kelly Clarkson is bred.
- This Guy stands under your Um-br-ella 'ella, 'ella, ay, ay, ay.
- Mrs. Clause is born from a family of cats, and raised as one of their own. She then proceeds to become a sixth grade teacher, and eat duke.
- Another lucky year.
- The cause of most heart attacks and loss of sanity in casinos.
- The meaning of life itself.
- Survivors crash on the Lost Island.
- The Others subsequently invent the Metric System
- In Soviet Russia, Metric System invented YOU!!
- Luck number for short actors.
- When 8 is added to 2 then added to 6 u get 16.
- The year when beavers(yes the animals) controlled East Russia(The files and records of this were burned when Lobster Jesus saw their rule unfit and banished the beavers to a life of making dams, eating wood, and living in low society parts of the zoos and of the world).
- The reciprocal of 1/826. (yes carly that is the reciprocal)
- The Huns attack the Goths, who respond by attacking the Emos, who then attack the Klingons, who attack Patrick Swayze who then gets overpowered whooped, thus forming that one country that is known today as "that one country."
- Metalheads run to the scene only to discover a Patrick Swayze,the Then leader of the Metalheads DImebag leads an assault on the Emos and goths dieing in the process.But in that split second before he died he screamed a word so powerful it gave birth to super genre known to mere mortals as grunge...
- Eli Whitney invents the cotton gin and tries to take over the earth. He dies of trying to drink something gross.
- You know that really amazing thing that happens, and someone sees it happen, and he wants to tell all his friends about it, but when he does, they throw rabid capybaras at him? Yeah, that happened in 899.
- Those Aristocat cats finally find their way back home.
- Grungers take over Communist China under Leader Kurt Cobain.
- My locker number!
- Again nothing out of the ordinary happened, Jew persecuted, Hitler sits in Satan's anus waiting for the right time to strike.
- The Who write the song 1978 and release it on their album "Who are You".
Joanne Rivers is born.
- The police, fire stations, AND ambulances are invented in America
- Followed by a boyband who suck more than anyone could ever comprehend
- Death to America! Jihad! Jihad!
- Lu Bu returns after a long wander-slaughter, finds the world boring and thus destroys Atlantis and then a swarm of hippies.
- Everyone takes a break for the day except for treehugging hippies who always are on break.
“Yeah! Take that, Al Gore!”
- WARNING:Shameless Plug: Day of the most elaborate TV hoax of all times, where "the only people who saw airplanes work for FOX or CBS or CNN". (Reference: www.livevideo.com/video/6F393F4DE41C4CF798CBB438E6378129/september-clues-part1.aspx)
- After 6 years of sadness and flag mongering, American realize that maybe they should just get on with their lives.
- The Stock Market is invented and subsequently crashes, thus causing the Great Depression which inevitably tumbles into the creation of emo.
- A lot of niggers were found dead in the basement of lead singer of U2 Bono's basent at his Lockport, NY ranch
- The universe suddenly goes pitch black. Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde, Steve Ballmer, and <insert name here> are destroyed by grunge.
- The scribe Abu Kuffar records the Islamic prophecy of the Mustaches of Legend, regarding nine mustachioed individuals destined to oppose the Mahdi on the Last Day. There was subsequent suicide bombings, even before gun powder was widely used.
- The Rus invade Bulgaria, subsequently setting off the chain of events that later becomes The 69 Conspiracy.
- Stalin records his hit black metal record "...And I Will *** Lenin's Creation" with his band J.V.S
- May 1 - Ethelred II, ever-unready, shows up late with his April Fools' Day gag.
- King Ethelred the Unready fought off no fewer than 23 challenges to the throne of England in a single year. He successfully repelled invasions by Danes, Normans, a Native American, documentary film-makers, and 's Angels.
- The Native Americans of Carolina decided they needed more than one 10 year-old to invade England.
- Lame video game studio is formed
- Matrix found and subsequently rebooted
- 10,000,000 Heretics burned in Rome, after watching a Slipknot concert.
November 5Scientists at modern-day Arizona State University create a sun 50 miles into the earth.
- England invents the Tardis.
- Satan's mentally retarded brother Drew Morgan shows up on earth and just kinda chills out for a while.
- America decides to steal the English language before discovering it originally came from Japan.
- Americans screw up the English language.
- Black people mess the american-English language up.
- Rednecks further the English-language-fornicating-up procress.
- Japan formally denounces the use of English, except on cute T-shirts.
- Oprah eats her first baby
- Nutmeg gets you high!
- Lu Bu disappears for a while, he is seen stealing an entire ship and walking offshore with it in his hands.
- Upsidedown Satin is born from his dad's arse
- 999-940=69... heh heh
- Policemen realise they should be stood on their feet and not their heads.
This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.
Represented here are the time periods from 0AD to 1000AD.