From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
I run a vast Empire in Galactic Cyberspace known as Wickerpedia to some, but actually it is nothing more than a private club for bored post-doctoral nerds who like collecting fictional Bronze, Silver and Gold Stars as well as a number of other fictional prizes! I've got 82,000 Bronze Stars, 799 Silver Stars and 203 Gold Stars for my longstanding committment to clever disinformation, manipulation of facts, exploitation of other people's gullibility, and playing dangerous psychological mind-games with poor people who would otherwise wake up and smells the coffee and sense that they are being duped and played around with by bored rich people, such as myself! NOT! That was just me kidding around, pretending to be on the Dark Side of The Moon. Actually I'm one of the nicest people on Earth, probably the nicest, and I really do care about all of you who manage to get through all the obstacles to contact me and tell me about how abusive certain long-time Wickerpedians are or can be. Well, EXCUSE ME!, but Wickerpedia is a totally Democratic thang and you can't blame me for things getting out of hand sometimes, just as you can't blame that poor son of a bush in The Right House! I mean, seriously now, who do you think we are?!? Do you have any clue how hard we have had to work at fooling people and how painfully lonely it is at the top, just to be able to make a few mill? Why blame us for everything that's wrong in the world, when there are people who are really rich with billions of dollars to spare? The fact of the matter is this; if you only have a few million dollars you're living just above the poverty line! Because in order to be safe and keep those millions safe, you have to spent most of it on security! Freedom, as my buddy G.W. says, is not for free! It costs tons of money just to have the freedom to complain about how you think we are violating your Constitutional Rights! But, listen up now; at least you have the right to speak your mind! In countries like Africa and in entire continent like China billions of people are denied the right to complain about their rights being denied! At least we grant you the right to complain and whine, like all of you bleeding heart liberals do all the time! You complain and whine about all kinds of crap, when you should realize that poverty is good for you, because it builds character and makes you strong! And if you don't take full advantage of the benefits of learning while suffering in poverty, and if you are too weak and too stupid to be of any good to me and my friends, who are so kind to hire you at all, then you might as well die! Because weaklings are a threat to the entire human race's ability to survive and become strong enough to fight all them Commie Aliens who would otherwise try to colonize our planet and set up Kibbutzes and other Perversions that go against the Will of Darth Waiter! Yupp! All you do is whine and whine and whine about how unfair it is that your ancestors were not free or how the Nasties stole your property during the war! Well, stop being such woosies, and make yourself useful to society by accepting that you deserve nothing more than what you get! You don't realize how lucky you are to work for low wages and in unhealthy circumstances, when people in China, Indiana and Africa work for no wages,as slaves! And forget about unhealthy workplaces: their workplaces are deadly! You just don't realize how lucky you are to live amongst decent rich people like myself! And maybe if you don't complain and whine so much, and keep your mouth shut and do as you are told, and put up with your position and status in society, then maybe you will be that one in a thousand who we will allow to become rich! But even then we will tell you where, when and how to spend your money, which is actually our money that we loan to you, because we cannot afford to have anyone rock the boat and change things! Remember what happened on Mars? Schwangernegger managed to get into the control room hidden inside that Martian mountain and start up that ancient Commie Alien technology that eventually put us out of business there! Well, we're not going to let you do the same down here on Earth, you and your Al Gore and his Obama and Biden and all them bleeding-heart liberal Commie Dems! No way Jose! This is the land of The Texas Oil Billionaires Club! Now, stop whining and do some good for a change: pray more often and eat more food. Because you're going to need it.