User:JimTS

“This is exactly why I love men.”

~ Oscar Wilde on JimTS

“Do you feel lucky?”

~ Clint Eastwood on punks

“Iä! Iä!”

~ JimTS on Yog-Sothoth

JimTS is a model citizen and should be a role model to all of us.

Uncyclopedia:Babel

de-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Deutsch.

en-X This user only speaks English enough to seduce native English speakers.

es-G This user does not speak Español and furthermore believes Español to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Español.

fr-E This user only speaks Français because it was a required course in school.

ja-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Japanese.

sv-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Swedish.

This user is American ...and unabashedly proud of it! (List of American Uncyclopedians)

This user is a level 13 Wizard. They see the fnords.

This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla.

This user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

\m/ This user is a metalhead, prone to wearing offensive shirts and headbanging to really loud music. Metalheads also have long hair, but are not to be confused with hippies.

This user is a pyromaniac.

This user is a Viking and enjoys killing, looting and pillaging.

bu-N This user is a native speaker of Bullet and can fire high-caliber rounds in full-automatic mode.

usb This user likes to use userboxes.

About Me

I am Jim T. S., an inspector hailing from Innsmouth, Massachusetts. I was the world's foremost expert on Scientology until I took 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage.

Languages

Contrary to what the userboxes on the right say, I speak every language in the world, except for English, which I refuse to even attempt to use for any reason.

Early Life

I was born in 198X (which is Japanese numerals for nineteen-eighty-ten) in a town named Springfield. I was raised by three fathers who all wanted me to be a lawyer, like them, but instead my hobby of hitting myself in the head with heavy things convinced me to spend my life investigating strange happenings in New England.

Do you believe in God?

I believe in God.

Do you... do you believe in God?

Okay, you got me.

Later Life

I am a famous writer (but not Stephen King, who I want to kick in the balls). I have written Chapter One of approximately 1,396 novels, and the last chapter of exactly zero. My main hobby is fishing, which I do to piss off actual fishers by catching all the fish and drinking all their beer, even though I don't actually like fishing or beer. My second hobby is vampire hunting.

I currently live in the South.

Sex Life

I am an Uncyclopedia user. You tell me.

Chuck Norris

Few people realize this, but Chuck is a humorless dick in real life, and even if he wasn't, the jokes are old now. I support the initiative started by You Are Dumb Dot Net to transfer all the Chuck Norris jokes to Jean-Claude Van Damme, who is the only action star with no Internet popularity.

Clint Eastwood, on the other hand, is exactly the same in real life as he is in the movies. If I were gay or a woman, I would orgasm just thinking about him. Not that I don't already, but I have to think about women afterward, and convince myself that's what I was thinking all along, to make myself feel less queer. Now excuse me, I have to change my pants.