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An Average American's day is filled is filled with gluttony and laziness. The Average American is a very dangerous wild animal and can be found throughout most of the United States but they tend to grow much larger and fatter the farther north they travel possibly to retain warmth in the bleak winter months.
A Typical Day for a Southerner
The first subspecies of American we will talk about is the Southern American normally called a "Redneck" which can be distinguished by there unique vocal patterns and there bright red necks.
Morning for a "Redneck" starts with three boxes of Cap'n Crunch for Breakfast. Then have a conversation with America's favorite Illegal Immigrant Dora the Explorer.
Dora: What was your favorite part of the day?
American: My favorite part was when...
Dora: I liked that part to!
American: Bitch I wasn't done yet!!!
Eat Seven boxes of Dominos pizza for lunch and then watch the News.
Reporter: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
Now you can order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it!
Southern American: Them darn Democrats a bunch of Commys!!!
Eat twelve steaks for Dinner and watch Football (Not real Football some panzy Rugby wannabe.) If there is no Football Game on Television they will instead watch Basketball (A sport played by people much taller and blacker than those that watch it.) Sometimes the women will watch shows about cooking so that they can get even fatter. Then they will hibernate for six months and repeat.
A Northern American's Day
A typical morning for a Yankee starts with a bowl of Cheerios covered in the souls of dead puppies (A very important part of the "Yankees" diet).