User:Jamtrousers/The Truth

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The truth. Sounds innocent enough, doesn't it? It's so easy to trust what people are telling you, believe that when someone says they're telling "the truth" that it's actually so. Well let me tell you something: they're not. No-one ever tells the truth.


You cannot trust this man. An eye for an eye will not leave the whole world blind- we will be fine, because we have the biggest, pointiest stick.

Except me, of course. I am perfect in every way. I want what's best for you, and so I will always tell you the truth, no matter what the cost to myself- yes, I know, my altruism knows no bounds, but that's just because I care about you so much. Not like those others... those liars!

Lies. That's what it's all about. Evil, damned, LIES! And these lies are told by people... with agendas.

Oh yes, that's right.


"What should we do about these agendas?" I hear you ask. Well, it's simple, we counter them with the truth. Now, sometimes this truth is hard to understand- sometimes it seems remarkably like it's actually a lie, but if you find yourself suspecting something I've told you is a lie then it's because you're not trusting me enough.

How dare you fail to trust me? And after I've done everything for you... worked my skin to the bone, to the bone, just to bring you the truth, and now you repay me with this, shitting on my mother's grave with your mistrust.. It makes me sick!

But I will forgive you, because that's just how charitable I am. That's just how much I care about you.

"But how can I repay you for being so wonderful?" I hear you cry. Well, knowing that you know the truth is payment enough for me. If you insist though, then you can buy my book: "10 Easy Steps To a Happier, More Conservative You" and pay £10 extra for it. You don't have to, but winter is coming, and I'm an old man... I can't keep bringing the truth to you forever without a new, better-heated house.


But yes... You must always be on your guard, always be wary, for there are lies everywhere; in the newspapers, on television, even in your own home. Have you checked if your children are communists recently? No? Well then you may already have lost. There is evil, liberal propaganda infecting the minds of our young through their agenda, and in the midst of this maelstrom of lies, you must flock to my banner of truth... truthy truthy truthy truth!

"But how can we tell what is a lie?" I hear you ejaculate. Well, it's generally safe to assume that if I haven't endorsed a viewpoint then it is false, wrong, incorrect and in every way reprehensible. However, there are clues as to what is merely untrue and what is a lie.

Lies often claim to be in favour of thigs like peace and justice... This is not so.

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