User:Jack Cain/Hattori Hanzo

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jack Cain/Hattori Hanzo.

Hattori Hanzo (松田聖子), the last son of planet Nippon. He is the first ninja, and founder of Japan.

edit History

Legend has said him to be the result of an orgy between a Buddhist monk, a Kitsune, a samurai, a Dragon God, a schoolgirl, one of the ancestors of Solid Snake and a shrine maiden. However, he was actually created by genetic experimentation on the plannet Nippon, though he has been shown to contain the DNA of all these things. He was sent to earth by advanced Nipponian technology, crashing on a then-unnamed archipelago on earth. Raised in Hokkaido by the kindly and wise Ainu people, he slowly discovered his powers as a teenager.

As an adult, he had planned to defend truth, justice and the Japanese way, but these did not exist yet, so he created them. As such, he is belived to be the first real Japanese person.

edit Powers

He was born with the superhuman abilities of ninja. This includes flight, shuriken-vision, invulnerability, the power to turn into shadow, the power to make perfect haiku, sushi-vision and UberL33t-Fighting-Skills. Also, he has perfect, shining teeth. He also is able to transform your piece of shit Kia Rio into a Nissan 350Z. If you don't want it transformed, then he'll chop you in quarters with his swords.

edit Yamata No Orochi

Yamata-No-Orochi is a giant eight-headed snake, he is Hattori Hanzo's faithfull pet. The only other refugee of the lost planet, Nippon. Due to his Nipponian ancestry, he is immortal.

Often depicted in legend as a virgin-eating monster, this is grossly innacurate. He does however, enjoy sake immensely.

As Hokkaido's hometown hero, he is their favorite in the bi-weekly monster battles.

edit Students

edit Additional Notes

Although his mother may have been a schoolgirl, he is not a Hanyou, he is believed to be the only 100% pure Japanese person ever.

Hattori Hanzo is still alive today and has bedded many women. A documentary based some of his descendants, Samurai Jack, has been created.

However, sadly, Bruce Campbell was too busy to contribute to it.

Some fools say that he had a hobby forging cutlery and along with Domokun forged the legendary Rambo knife.

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