From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
What the hell is wrong with you?!?!?
My birthday is July 22! You have uploaded this image on my birthday! Don't you realise that I nearly attempted suicide because of my birthday? Let me tell you about three more freaky coincidences that contain my birthday: 1) I searched for people born on 22 July on The Internet Movie Database, and I had a feeling that there would be a celebrity born on 22 July. However, all of the celebrities that I found who were born on 22 July were not born in 1992, which is the year I was born. I then had another feeling, this time that there would be a celebrity born on 22 July 1992. Years later, I visited The Internet Movie Database again, and discovered on the website that one of the biggest celebrities of the moment, Selena Gomez, was born on 22 July 1992—the exact same date I was born! 2) Target Australia held a toy sale on 22 July, which is my birthday. To make things worse, Target claimed that the sale was ‘Australia’s Biggest Toy Sale’. To make things even worse, Target held a countdown calendar for the sale in Target’s Sunbury branch. I truthfully swear that I had never seen a countdown for any sale, held by any store, on any date or for any products in the entire course of my life. Also, I had found an electronic LED sign outside the Sunbury branch of Target which advertised the sale and also mentioned the date 22 July. Target also advertised the toy sale in catalogues, on television and in magazines and newspapers. Then I found a pair of boots that I liked in the Sunbury branch of Target, and I laybuyed them. My mother and I planned to purchase and pick up the boots on my eighteenth birthday, but the staff-woman said that I could not pick up the boots on my birthday, because it was the date of the start of the toy sale. Finally, on the same date that Target began the toy sale (22 July 2010), the shopping centre in Sunbury in which the Sunbury branch of Target has been placed held another sale, which lasted only for one day, meaning that the sale both began and ended on my eighteenth birthday. 3) Whilst staying in my bedroom in Banksia, I decided to leave my room because I was tired of staying in my room. It was then that I received what was not only the worst Suicidal Allan Moment of my life, but the worst Allan Moment that I have currently received in my entire lifetime: I thought that, if I saw or heard the date 22 July used between the time that I left my room and the time that I returned to my room, that the Universe would end from The Big Crunch. I found an issue of The Herald Sun, and started reading a fascinating article about the sexualisation of babies and toddlers. It was to my absolute shock that I saw the date 22 July used in this article. I was so upset that I started crying, screaming and shouting, and hitting my head with my fist. This tantrum was so upsetting that I was taken into the High Dependency Unit, but I started crying, screaming and attacking myself even more. I wanted to kill myself because I thought that I could never feel any form of happiness again after this Suicidal Allan Moment; when people spoke to me, I responded by saying that there was no hope for me, that I hated myself, that I was a waste of life, and that nothing would stop the Universe from ending. I was in this state of nihilism, self-hatred, depressed sadness, and fear for the Universe for at least an hour, and I did not even start recovering until I saw my mother entering the High Dependency Unit.
Because of these four interconnected coincidences, I have come to the conclusion that you MEANT to upload this image on my birthday. You knew that uploading this image on my birthday would hurt me, and you WANTED to hurt me. Please apologise.
--188.8.131.52 03:07, March 4, 2011 (UTC)