User:Izbeenoneweek/UnNews:Polar Bear Impersonates American Author and Seen with Gaddafi

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7 September 2011

Explosion mushroom shaped

U.N. forces defeating bear army of George Bernard Bear-Shaw along the Libyan border with a Minuteman attack. Wait a second. That's a real large explosion for a tiny subversive group of bears. That's got to be wrong on a lot of levels

Porridge the Bear makes his demands

George Bernard Bear-Shaw threatening global catastrophe while impersonating Percy Sledge Porridge, bear-rights activist and author

BENGHAZI, Libya/AGADEZ, Niger (Reuters) -- A polar bear impersonating Polar Bear-American author Percy Sledge Porridge was taken into custody for his participation of hijacking nuclear weapons from Puget Sound Naval Shipyard with a bear army raid, as well as assisting Mu'ammar Gaddafi to escape across the southern border of Libya.

A U.S. spokesman claimed that the captured polar bear levelling threats of global nuclear annihilation is George Bernard Bear-Shaw, leader of the British-based CryptoFascist Communist Party. Bear-Shaw was found on the southern border of Libya running away from a Minuteman missile attack upon his bear army, followed by a single drone until the bear tripped over a rock, and broke his leg.

Polar bear tongue blue

Percy Sledge Porridge giggling at another attempt to impostor and discredit his name, and even more amused at those who think Brooke Collins is hot

Brooke collins walks off field after winning shot

Brooke Collins winning the 2011 Int'l Punching-A-Bear-In-The-Face Championship, which sparked threats of WWIII and the arrest of her biggest sponsor, George Bernard Bear-Shaw

Bear-Shaw and his CryptoFascist Communist Party are alleged to be funding the yearly International Punching-A-Bear-In-The-Face Championship, as well as plotting numerous assassination attempts on bear-rights activists worldwide. Four assassination attempts of Percy Sledge Porridge since the 1960s have been linked to Bear-Shaw and his party.

Reports claim that Gaddafi and Bear-Shaw upon meeting on the border would level warheads upon both homes of Percy Sledge Porridge on Mercer Island and the North Pole, until "that bloody bear shuts his trap. You are an admirable fellow, Gaddafi, and to live with that horrid acne on your face is a testament to your strength and fortitude." (Bear-Shaw)

An impostor claiming to be the author Porridge was arrested after doing a satellite phone uplink interview, where he threatened the coming of WWIII because he was "gonna lay mushroom clouds" and "make Castle Bravo look like a church picnic that got cancelled due to rain."

A bear, linked to Bear-Shaw and the CryptoFascists, was also arrested at Puget Sound for impersonating a male U.S. Navy officer.

Libyan officials claim no knowledge of Bear-Shaw's existence, although they do look forward to the debut techno album of bear-punching champion Brooke Collins. Collins is rumored to make a surprise appearance at the benefit concert Bears Without Borders, and will challenge Percy Sledge Porridge to a bear-punching exhibition. Concert organizers say that "no such bigoted, attention-whore, tone-deaf, bear-humiliating contest will ever occur in this era, for generations to come."

Bear-Shaw is known to have impersonated Porridge throughout the years, in many attempts to discredit the Polar Bear-American Pulitzer Prize-winning author.

Porridge was unavailable for comment. A bear-spokesperson said that he is currently participating in Bears Without Borders.

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