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edit Welcome, Foolish Mortal. We Now Own Your Soul.
Just kidding. But seriously, welcome to Uncyclopedia. I hope you like the place and decide to stay, and if not, then the staircase is over there (elevator's broken). Now enough about that and let's get started by showing a few helpful links to help puny mortals like you.
- Beginner's Guide-This teaches you how to follow the Ways of the Uncyclopedian.
- Our Vanity Policies-Why we don't give a shit about your pathetic friends, your worthless family, or how bad your school sucks. (seriously, we don't)
- How to Be Funny and Not Just Stupid-Helps you know what to write and what not to write. Read it. Memorize it. Marry it if you have to. In doing so, you have less chances of your article being destroyed because of plain stupidity.
If you want to be successful in Uncyclopedia, reading the above will help (seriously, it will). If you want to learn more, then these things will give you answers you seek:
- About Uncyclopedia and The Five Pliers of Uncyclopedia
- How to Get Started Editing on Uncyclopedia
- Help Pages
And one important rule to follow at all times: DON'T BE A DICK. (or you'll suffer a punishment that will last for 333 years)
If you have any questions, go to my talk page, the Village Dump, or an administrator and your question will be answered. Additionally, the Adopt a Noob Program will bring experienced editors straight to you (unless they get lost). Remeber to sign your post with four tildes or use the sign button () in the edit box if you, like me, don't want to waste your time typing.
Now get off your ass and start editing! Again, welcome.