From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Angry Birds is an addicting puzzle video game that is sweeping all across the world. Developed by Finnish company Rovio Mobile, it started on smartphones such as Androids, but due to it's extreme popularity, it soon became available on personal computers and game consoles. It revolves around a group of very short-tempered birds who wage a never ending war agaisnt the evil Green Porker Society in order to save their stolen eggs. Thanks to 250 million downloads (combined with all platforms and including both regular and special editions), Rovio Mobile is currently making more money than any superstar or pornography company in existence, and plans to earn more as it continues it's quest for world domination.
The game Angry Birds involves throwing birds against structures of various sizes and strength, with the intent of killing everyone who lives inside of the structures. This has lead to the common belief that Angry Birds was created by a terrorist cell, hoping to unknowingly train people in the art of bomb detonation, strategic bomb placement, how to quickly take down a building, and that for a last ditch effort, just throw small multicolored birds in every direction. This tactic has been very successful in that now over 250 million people have now been hypnotically trained to be "super terrorists" and that many of the 250 million reside in the united states of america. Fear..fear for your life...
How to Play Angry Birds
The objective of the game is to eliminate all the enemies in in the level. There are two ways to do this; 1) hitting the pig directly, and 2) hitting the structures the surround them, causing the pigs to fall to their deaths, crushed into barbeque, chopped up into tiny pieces, smacked silly, and any other form of physical harm that is possible to do to them. In order to do this, the birds must be launched from a sling shot, as the birds have no wings, which is ironic as they are birds. The player must be careful and precise, otherwise the bird may go too far up or too low without hitting any of the pigs (and may result in a pecking for the player's clumsiness). Despite sounding like it would be a piece of cake, it's much more complicated than that.
The story of the Angry Birds series is based off true events from the ongoing conflict between the Angry Birds and the Green Porker Society (or G.P.S. for short) that is well known as the Angry Birds-Green Pig War.
The story takes place when the birds come back to their nest after doing their everyday things (feeding on bugs and bread crumbs, and pecking pesty boys who attempt to chase them,having awesome bird aerial sex) only to find their eggs missing. Fortunately, the kidnappers (or in this case, egg-nappers, or embryo encased by a thin yet very sturdy shell napper ) left their footprints intact, with Yellow Bird spotting and swearing like a mother fucker at the kidnappers about a few feet away from them. It was none other than a bunch of green pigs from the evil Green Porker Society, led by their ruthless leader King Pig and his lackeys Helmet Pig and Mustache Pig. The green pigs have an insatiable hunger, and their goal is to eat a lot of tasty things, then repeatedly jack off. And since the bird's egg are considered tasty and satisfying, they steal them in order to eat them, much to the birds displeasure. Outrage at this revelation, the birds declare war against the pigs, with the intent of killing every pig in sight until they get their eggs back. Knowing the birds will retaliate, King Pig orders very poorly designed structures built to halt the bird's progress. But this only slows down the birds, who attacks the pigs and their structures by crashing into them via a sling shot, quite similar to a mortar attacking enemy troops. The birds smashed and pecked their way though King Pug's defenses until they arrive at King Pig's lair. After smashing his lair to rubble, they retrieve their eggs. However, King Pig, who is badly injured but alive, vows to return to once again steal their eggs.
As the Angry Bird-Green Pig War continues, the pigs try many schemes to steal the bird's precious eggs. These include, but not limited to, using cardboard dummies to trick the birds, stealing using ballons (proving pigs can fly but birds can not...) and use of lasos and cowboy hats. But no matter how hard the pigs try or how sneaky they are, the birds always come out victorious. During one battle as the pigs attempted to reconstruct parts of what the birds destroyed, they somehow managed to capture the birds and enslaved them. But this was a grave mistake, because this act angered Big Brother Bird, and taught the pigs a valuable lesson about holding others against their will. Because if you do..a giant fat ass mother fucker will fall out of the sky and kill you, your family, car, and everything else nearby. Despite these defeats, the G.P.S. will never surrender until those delicious eggs are in their green bellies.
Angry Birds Seasons
Angry Birds Rio
The birds are the main protagonists of the series who possess very short tempers. Doing any thing that offends them or makes them angry will result in a good pecking and/or smashing. They are very protective of their eggs, to the point were if someone would even look at them they will also get a good pecking and/ or smashing. Capturing or harming the birds will result in a good skin-piercing pecking and/or bone breaking smash ing by Big Brother Bird. And angering a bird who contains a can of sardines will result in turning to a pancake by the Mighty Eagle. In other words, it's best not to anger the birds. With the exception of Red Bird, each bird has a special ability that requires the player to activate them manually, like tapping on the screen on IPod Versions or clicking the mouse on Pc versions and such (exceptions to this rule are Big Brother Bird and the Mighty Eagle, and Black Bird's ability can work both with and without need of the activating it manually). Doing so with Red Bird and Big Brother Bird will cause them to let out war cries in their bird language.
- Red Bird: We hate you!This bird is completely useless, and is the second to last on the list of hated birds(only to the green bird). All other birds have some useful power. But this bird only lets out a scream of retardation when he realizes that he has no powers. Although the mini version of this is a giant old man's scrotum the mega version of this bird is like the mini version was transformed into a huge funny looking wrecking ball so that when you hit something the people that are being crushed to death can laugh at how dumb their obese killer looks.
- Blue Bird: The smallest of the birds. He is the weakest of the group when it come to knocking down structures due to his size. But he makes that up with his strange yet unique special ability. He has the ability to release two extra birds from himself once he's up in the air. This is useful for killing multiple pigs and damaging weaker structure points. This ability remains puzzling even to experts.
- Yellow Bird: The fastest of the birds. Unlike his fellow birds, he is triangular-shaped rather than round, possibly explaining his rather super fast speed. Once he's in the air, he speeds and smacks though walls like a speeding bullet. For some reason he is weak against glass, despite glass being more fragile. Thats something he does not like to talk about. He has a rather foul temper towards the pigs and tends to swear a lot, especially after when he spots them stealing their eggs, though since he is a bird it's unknown to know what exactly he is saying.
- Black Bird: Everyone's favorite bird, the black bird blows up things... This bird makes the game fun. It feels fun to blow up a building and send everyone inside falling to their death doesn't it? This has lead to the belief that the game Angry Birds was created by a collection of terrorist cells.
- White Bird: In the U.S. Air Force, they use jet bombers to strategically take out enemy forces and bases from above via a bomb. The birds have someone similar to a jet bomber; White Bird. He's the same size as Black Bird, but doesn't do as much physical damage to a structure when it makes contact with a structure. Instead, it's true power lies in it's special ability. It can create Egg Bombs inside its body and launch them out from it's anus to the unexpecting pigs below. It deals a bit less explosive damage than the Black Bird, but it's very useful to get hard to reach pigs deep within structures that other birds are unable to reach, as the Egg Bombs go straight down rather than an arch. It can also weaken structures and destroy roofs that pigs are hiding under, making them vulnerable to an attack from above. Also, once he launches he launches an egg, he will become skinny like a obese man on a bread and water diet, as well as going flying through the air and knocking out any structure or pig that happen to be in it's way. People debate about his gender, as only female laid eggs. However, there has been a female bird who is similar to him but has female features. This would likely prove he's male and his Egg Bomb ability could be just a power much like a super hero's power. Regardless of his gender, he can prove to the pigs that if they want eggs, they'll get eggs. Just not in a way they expected.
- Green Bird a.k.a. Boomerang Bird: GOD DAMN WE ALL HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!! This bird has the effectiveness of throwing a puppy into a class 7 tornado and hoping that the puppy will find a cat, grab the cat, and bring it back to you. EVERYBODY hates this bird!
- Big Brother Bird: The older brother of Red Bird. He is the biggest bird of the group, and the only bird to be bigger than him is the Mighty Eagle. His ability is super strength, which allows him to pow through multiple blocks (glass, wood, brick). He also acts as a guardian to the birds, so whenever his fellow birds are capture, it's Big Brother Bird to the rescue. Other than smashing birds and blocks, he likes to eat Green Eggs and Ham (the eggs are chicken eggs) and giving the smaller pigs atomic wedgies. Like his younger brother, he will usually let out a war cry while soaring through the air, which strikes fear in the pigs knowing their impeding doom.
- The Mighty Eagle: An ally to the birds who is feared by both the birds and the pigs. But mostly by the pigs, as they're the ones who are going to get smashed by his wrath. He is the largest of the playable birds (making even Big Brother Bird looking like a M&M) and because of his size he can kill all pigs in a level by either hitting them directly or by an earthquake he creates upon impacting the ground. He loves fish (as he is an eagle) and throwing a can of sardines at a structure full of pigs will summon him, as he cannot resist the taste of sardines. Due to his power, the player must actually buy him in order to use him (only once thankfully), yet it's worth the ninety-nine cents[suspicious quotes].
- The Orange Bird: The newest of the birds, this bird is credited with being the "magic anorexic/obese bird. He is remarkable in the way that he can grow to exactly ten bazillion agoogleplex times his original size. He can be wedged into small places, then grow; which kills pigs... OK..this bores me now, someone else mess with what this guy wrote for now please
How to survive an angry bird attack
Sad, isnt it?
The green pigs of the evil Green Porker Society are the main antagonists of the series and are the Angry Birds' worst enemy. Their main goal is to eat many things they can get their pig feet on. This especially includes the bird's eggs, which they constantly steal. Despite their craftiness and sneakiness (which they put to good use by stealing the eggs and even capturing the birds) they are hardly intelligent. This is displayed multiple times throughout their appearances, which includes the following facts: they do nothing to cover up their traps; they reveal themselves that they've stolen the eggs in order to gloat rather than making off with them without being spotted; they believe that building a bunch of structures will stop the flightless birds; they even believed T.N.T. boxes stands for "Tasty Nutritious Toffee" and place it withing their bases completely unaware of their true purpose. They seem to be unable to launch a counterattack against the birds. Instead, they just sit around snorting and laughing, raising the question if they been doing drugs. Nevertheless, they pose a threat to the bird's and it's the duty of the birds to stop them at all cost. Below is the list of the types of pigs from weakest to strongest.
- Small Pig: Also known as Pigletts. They are the smallest and the weakest of the pigs, making them easier to defeat. They are considered by King Pig and the other pigs as just cannon fodder, and therefore are bullied by the bigger pigs. Should they ever displease King Pig it would be likely for them to be on the main course on Friday night's dinner. That is, if the birds don't get them first.
- Medium Pig: Enlarged version of small pig, this pig's health is higher.
- Large Pig: Most common pig other than the small pig, bigger than Medium pig and have a large amount of health too.
- Helmet Pig: The third srtongest of the pigs. Often found in areas that have TNT or poison gas grenades because they are soldiers and indeed, have even higher health. The helmet provides more defense.
- Mustache Pig: The second strongest of the pigs. Of course, he have a silly mustache.
- King Pig: The ruthless leader of the G.P.S. and the strongest of the pigs. Have the highest health. This monster will go on a raging pig rampage seeking vagina from the one that dared to kill him but if you happen to kill him in one shot (unlikely) the under pigs will be forever loyal to you.
Ways of getting rid of green pigs
If someone were to have a problem with green pigs in their backyard, in their kitchen, in their garage, or wherever, that person should remain calm and wash their hands should they touch a green pig due to them possessing poor hygiene. The following are the best ways for that person to get rid of these green menances.
- Method 1:
- Method 2:
- Method 3:
- Hench Monkeys: Appears only in Angry Birds Rio, they are all the same shape, size and style[Wikipedia Sez This Is False] and the birds didn't even have a reason to attack them. Anyway, they are innocent.
Types of Construction material and other stuff
List of some things pigs use to construct their bases, please use the right bird for destroying them.
- Wood: Most common thing used by the G.P.S to construct buildings, not very tough and the yellow bird could pwn it easily. Piece of shit.
- Ice: tougher than wood but can be destroyed after you launch a blue bird and split it into 3. Also common construction material.
- Rock: Most tough construction material, used to build castles and only black bird and big brother bird can break through it successfuly.
- Ball: Made of wood, ice or rock, used to make complicated structures and very shitty.
- TNT: Dangerous boxes of asplosive TNT. However the pigs believed it was "Tasty Nutritious Toffee" and puts it in their bases. Asplodes when a bird hits it.
- Ballon: The pigs are often found tied to ballons, thinking they could fly. The ballon might asplode when hit.
Attempt to End the War
Despite the conflict not involving humans, battles often came too close to human populated areas, causing unintended human casualties, as well as disturbing the peace in the environment. Therefore, the United Nations[Wikipedia Sez This Is False] attempt to end the war by means of a peace treaty. Despite their unwillingness to form a truce, both sides agreed to end this war and bring peace between the two. Both sides met at a meeting in Israel hosted by a U.N. peacekeeper. The G.P.S. were sponsored by King Pig and a ordinary pig, while the birds were sponsored by Red Bird, Blue Bird, and Black Bird, with the latter taking Yellow Bird's place due to Yellow Bird refusal to accept a truce with their sworn enemy. The meeting started off on a good note, with the pig allowed to eat whatever they want, and the birds get most of their eggs back. Unfotuantly, that quickly changed. While Red Bird was giving a speech about ending their struggle against each other which caused the death of many (humans, birds, and pigs alike) as well as caused humans to loose focus on work (since the battles distracted them from their work to watch the conflict nearby), Black Bird meanwhile kept constantly eating the snacks provided for them. Annoyed by this, Red Bird demands that Black Bird show some respect, and when Black Bird asked what he do, Red Bird Replied with "(imitating Black Bird) What did I do? Just stop eating like a pig!". This offended Pig King, replying with "what was that?". The birds continued further tension by replying with "Say what?" then resorting to "Fuck off!" causing an argument that almost broke out into a fight. The peacemaker manages to calm both sides down, but only for a short while, as the birds insulted the pigs again when King Pig wishes his now decease father was here. When he demand them to repeat that, the birds once again replied with "Say what?" and "Fuck off!", restarting the argument.
When words couldn't stop the argument this time, the peacemaker played the Angry Birds Theme Song, which successfully ended the argument. The Birds sang along with the song while King Pig and his associate dance along. Everybody, including the peacemaker, got together in front of a cameraman hiding uner the camera's cover sheet to pose for a picture. It seemed that the war was finally over, until the cameraman suddenly reveal himself from the cover, reveal himself to be Yellow Bird, who managed to sneak in by disguising himself as a cameraman. As Yellow Bird caused a commotion, King Pig, hungry as usual, stole the basket of eggs. This act angers the birds, causing a fight to break out, with the peacemaker unable to do anything and hid from the chaos. Two Helmet Pigs, who were stationed outside in case the birds tried anything, came in off screen to aid King Pig. The birds responded by creating a custom-made slingshot from various obejects and launched Yellow Bird in the air at a bookcase the two Helmet Pigs tookm cover in, breaking it and crushing the two pigs as the birds cheer in victory.
While no game was made about the event, it received much media attention around the world. Countries who agreed to a treaty to end the war released statements that state their regret for believing that a peace treaty between the Angry Birds and the G.P.S. would happen so easily. Other countries who knew better than to believe in that false belief released "I told you so" statements. Even U.S. President Barack Obama knew that such a truce would be impossible, but agreed to it anyway at a U.N. conference after making a $2,000 bet with John McCain, who believed a peace treaty was possible. "I knew that the peace conference would end up in another green pig butt kicking battle," Obama stated in a speech. "The only reason why I didn't attend the meeting myself is so I could walk up to McCain's front door as soon as he heard the news to see his angry reaction as he was paying me my well-earned money. There are two lessons to be learned from this. You can't expect to make peace between Angry Birds and Green Pigs, and you can't expect to win a bet against a U.S. President."
Popularity and Critical Reception
Addiction to the Game
The game is said to be quite addicting. Very addicting. To the point where people would find themselves playing it on their phones for hours and hours until their batteries run dead. But it doesn't end there; once they get home, they head to their computer/console to continue playing. Although this kind of behavior is uncommon, almost anybody would play whenever they need to entertain themselves in a boring situation.
- ↑ I recommend not to use the big brother bird, since it does 59% damage to it
- ↑ See the Pigs section.
- ↑ This was proved false in Angry Birds Rio, as some Brazilian people capture some birds and the angry birds went to the rescue.
A Message From The Birds
"Hello everyone. This is the birds speaking. We are glad that we have so many people (people and birds alike) support us as we continue to amaze the world with our angry antics. Without your support, our victories against King Pig and his minions would not be possible. We hope you enjoy our games, and we're looking forward towards the future.... Hey, what's that guy doing. That dude staring at us. He knocked over one of our eggs! Let's get him!"